That's it!! I'm done. Never ever ever again! Somebody do me a HUGE favour and take the responsibility of killing me if I ever show the slightest inclination of going academic again!
Yes !! Just back from my laaast ever exam. It was a horror, but everyone was scared so I don't feel so stupid. That's the beauty of relative grading. You're fine as long as everyone is down. Aaah, feels so wonderful. And for once the weather matches my mood. Its just stopped raining, everything is fresh and green and cool. Its just perfect! How I wish feelings could be recorded. I don't think I've felt this immense sense of freedom ever! Been jumping and skipping in the corridors, causing minor earthquakes everywhere, but who cares! I'm freeeeeeeeee !!!

Golden rule #1
(For those trying to decide whether something in their life is worth keeping)

If you're going to miss the fact that you had it more that you're going to miss it, you're better off without it.

Lost a ear ring yesterday. This is how I'm trying to console myself. Not really working :(

Random musings

Hmm, another presentation. Thank God ours is over! Now I can listen to what the others say. He's supposed to be really chaapu, hope he says something that I can understand... oh noooo, not about probability. I'll switch off :(( Oh come on, don't be such a child. 12th standard kids are not as afraid of probability. You've at least got to try. Hmm, so far so good... What are they fighting over like this? Is it possible that i've understood and they haven't?? Uh ho, I'm lost. Well, what else did I expect? God, I'm hungry! Look around... has anyone got money along? Whom can I sponge off for a treat? Is he going to talk about probability throughout? Been ages since I went for swimming. I might just be able to make it today... if only they stop fighting. Its actually quite nice in here. Thank God the department has AC! Imagine having to do this in a hot stuffy room. Can the heat really get worse? The sun will have to come down to Kanpur for that. I've been hearing only one voice for some time now. Ooh, they've stopped fighting! Yeees! Ooh, one of the fighters has dozed off! Wish I could do that too... Haven't blogged in ages. Wonder what I can write about... why doesn't something interesting happen in my life? Hmm, maybe I could write about... Why does he keep disturbing my thoughts? Can't he speak a little softer? Wonder what he was thinking about during my presentation? I hope it was something very interesting and I hope I thoroughly bugged him. Actually, he's not bad. But why does he have to talk about probability? And why do they have to hang the stupid clock at the back of the class? God knows the listeners need it more than the speakers! Wish I had eyes at the back of my head... Hey, eveyone is getting up. Hurrah!! The end!

"It can't be done without you."
"How can you say no?"
"Pleaseeeeeeeeee"

And of course I fall for it. Every time. Go against my instincts, my wishes, go thinking I'm doing someone a big favour, go thinking I'm going to save the world and end up finding out that the world didn't really need any saving. And even if it did, there were others much better equipped to save it.
No one ever makes me the scapegoat. I stick my neck out and volunteer.

Some people never learn.

(I know some of you might read this, please don't take it the wrong way. I know you thought the world needed saving too.)

A big day in the history of me

I've been crying, cribbing, pining, dreaming about my own pair of speakers even since I got here. Of course that's not all I did. I'm surprisingly active when it comes to such things. If all the people I unsuccessfully tried to sponge, beg, bulldoze into gifting me one ever turn up with speakers, I can supply speakers to a whole wholesale market! Friends, relatives, friends friends, friends relatives...
Cut to the present. The near present actually. My parents come to visit me and tell me in very clear words to stop all this nonsense and go buy one for me myself. And the good little child that I am, I obey! And they there are - two tiny bundles of joy. Small, black, unpretentious, you hardly notice them until they start talking. And then, you shutup and listen!
I've had headphones for sometime now, but with speakers its totally different. With headphones, the song is a part of you. Its like listening to yourself sing a beautiful song. For those like me who find the very idea impossible, imagine you sing like lata or rafi. Though its wonderful, sometimes you just want to be an audience. To be able to listen when you want to and switch off when you don't. And that is why I LOVE my speakers. And my parents, for making me do this.

Sour grapes?

I see people work. I see them put in days and nights. I see them at 2 in the morning, fighting against time, against sleep to meet the deadline, a hundred thousand dollars hanging in the balance. And I say to myself - thank god I'm working only for a grade.

I see people playing for their country. I see their every stroke analyzed, every move commented upon. I see them being deified with every win and written off with every defeat. And I say to myself - thank god I only play for fun.

I see people in public life. I see their every word being heard, every mannerism being imitated, every mistake being recorded. I see them having to live up to images they haven't created. And I say to myself - thank god, my life is my own.

I see people. I see them staking everything on their ideas, their beliefs, their passions. I see them flying with the highs and sinking in the lows. I see them drunk on achievement, I see them drunk in sorrow. And I say to myself - thank god I never lived?

I am a water girl, as anyone who as seen me anywhere close to water will readily tell you. I love being in water, splashing in water, sitting in water, lying in water... I love water. Get me next to a river, pond, sea, bathtub, and you will see this little child who has been in water enough times to not be afraid, and not enough times to have got used to it all. What completes the illusion is "mommies and aunties" still telling me not to go in too far. I believe I've actually heard myself say my dream is to be a buffalo, sitting in water all day long, doing nothing, doing everything...

All this gushing about water because I've finally come to terms with the huge dent it will cause in my fortune and joined the swimming pool here. And even though the thought of me in a swim suit brings a big smile to many-a-faces, the thought of me in water brings a bigger smile to mine.

You thought you could be one of those people? Them with the shining eyes, the wide smiles, the faraway look on their faces. With senses that are lost to the world. Who think nothing of screaming to the wind - "I'm going home!"

Hah! Think again.

Here I am, finally having a home that I can go back to, and how do I spend my holidays? In an empty hostel, with a thesis, a couple of term papers and some assignments for company. Happy holidays? Good joke!

It didn't turn out to be all that bad, though. It started off with a one day trip to Agra, where we judiciously skipped the mental hospital in case any of the inmates recognized people of their kind. Took a couple of days off to take care of the strain from the trip. And overcompensated for all the misery by sleeping and watching movies when awake.

Its almost the end of the holidays and here I am. With almost as much baggage as I had at the beginning, only, facing a much steeper climb.

Closed eyes, clenched fists. A racing heart, pumping excitement and fear.
Leap!
Don't think, don't look. Just let go.
Maybe you'd fall. Bruised for life and forever afraid.
But maybe, just maybe, you'll fly!

This post is one such leap. Our trip to Agra tomorrow is another.

(The reader may be forgiven for thinking the writer has lept, fallen and incurred major brain damages)

There he stood, tense, alert for the slightest sign of weakness. It was as much a matter of will power as anything else. But even the strong walls of determination could not stop the picture from creeping in. A picture of him, far far away from this maddening civilization, him in an isolated, idyllic place, living life as it is supposed to be lived. Eyes shut tight, he shook his head and hoped the picture would disappear. It was a weakness he could not permit. Had he not been taught the difference between right and wrong? Had he not learnt? Had not the beliefs of generations before him passed on to him? Dangerous things to be passed on - beliefs, he thought. They make you do things without the whys. Shaking that thought away, he plunged into the battleground before anything else could distract him.
He emerged victorious, triumphant, a better person. As he celebrated his victory, a small voice within him said - its not over yet. There's always tomorrow.

Why do we have to bathe everyday?

The only way to learn it all is to learn it all before you learn to ask why

I have developed a newfound respect for Hindi teachers these past few months. How do they ever manage to explain why a pencil is a female but a rubber is a male? I've had to face many such whys here, there being an abundance of Begalis and Andhrites most of whom are deficient in Hindi and are trying their best to make up. A few snippets of conversation will give you an idea of what i'm up against.

Late for class, i'm desperately looking for a bucket to have a bath. I ask my friend who had beat me to the bathroom whether she is done with her's.
V: Becket Milega ?
F: Haan, i'm almost done.
(F is handing V the bucket over the door)
F: Hold on, bucket is male ??
V: Hmm, good question. Ya, it probably is.
F: (Shocked) Are you sure?
V: Well, i know balti is female. We can use that if it makes you feel better. Bucket, i'm not so sure.
F: How can you not be sure?
All this and lots more, with the bucket hanging patiently over the door. The class, do you even need to ask?


F: Main kitna achcha Hindi keh rahi hoon
V: Hindi is female, and it should be bol, not keh
F: (All worked up) Whats the big difference between kehna and bolna ?
V was speechless. V should have said its the same difference between saying and talking. But of course, it didn't strike V then. Strange though, convert the problem to a familiar domain and it doesn't remain a problem anymore. Maybe its not all that illogical. Or maybe, they're all illogical.


Everyone is desperately studying for this horror of an exam. Of course all exams are horrors, but this one is in a class of its own.
F: Main sab bhool gaya
V: Come on, dont say that. You know it's not right. You should say main sab bhool gayi
F of course doesn't see the humour and throws whatever she can lay her hands on at V.


Fed up of being wrong and being corrected, and having lost all hopes of finding logical answers to their whys, they come up with a brilliant strategy. They'll all talk in plural from now. No more gender problems!

Main aur bucket nahane gaye the !

Skiiiiing we will go !!

Its that time of the sem again. The adventure club here has sent out a list of stuff they've got planned for the holidays. Last sem, all the options sounded so exciting, choosing one really tore me apart. This time, it's not so bad. Rafting i've already done (an account which is very long overdue), mountain biking on my khatari doesn't sound too exciting, so its only rock climbing and skiing. And the winner is - of course, i'm going to ski !!

I've been dreaming of snow forever - i want to see it, touch it, feel it, throw it, do everything that can be done with it. Aaah, i just can't wait! And whats making it more difficult is the response i'm getting from people around. From "not interested" to "interested, but there are concerns" to "interested and excited, but will pretend not to be just to torture you" to "interested and excited, but will not jump around like you" .
I miss all the people who could jump to my frequency. The resonance can really take you places.

The name was whispered in dark, secret, corridors. Fear and loathing mingled with admiration when people said - "There goes Vinaya di".
(The di being a sad reminder of the fact that i'm older than everyone here, except probably the building)

It's almost the end of Josh and broken limbs and lots of egg on my face notwithstanding, it was totally worth it! I/we reached the semi-finals in a couple of games, and what caused the above highly exaggerated but not completely imaginary description was the fact that it was completely unexpected. Most people here have been around for some years now, and everyone knows everyone. They didn't really expect a bunch of m tech/mba rookies to storm into the semis. But storm we did. And though the semis are not over yet, i think we've created history.
There i go again. Somebody please stop me before i give myself the Bharat Ratna for outstanding contribution to Indian sports at the intra-IIT level!

Sorry for the interruption
(break in time supply)

It's been one crazy week. It's 6.30 p.m. and i've just got up from my sleep crazy. Josh, the intra IIT sports festival has been going on for a week - i don't think anything or anyone ever has a more suitable name! It exactly fits the mood in the campus. Yours truly of course, quite susceptible to being carried away (which is amazing, cos with all the mass one would expect some inertia), went ahead and registered for everything. Baddie, TT, basky, phatta (informal cricket), kho kho, pitthu, singles doubles, mixed... She stopped only when she found it difficult to remember the names of the events she was participating in.
One week later, older, wiser, worn out and bruised, she has wisdom to share.
1. Your life is never as devoid of responsibilities as you'd like it to be
2. Assignment deadlines have a way of turning up at the most inconvenient moments.
3. I'm going to play n games <==> I'm going to lose n games
4. It really hurts to be the dumb blonde in a game (minus the looks, so actually, all you've got is dumb)
5. It is more satisfying to play well and lose than to play poorly and win.

The week also reinforced some existing beliefs. Games are fun, fun, fun! And i have miles to go before i get where i want to be.

If you are what you eat, i am a boiled potato
If you are what you wear, i don't decide who i am
If you are what your thoughts are, i am confusion
If you are what you read, i am still a teenager
How I wish it could be
If you are what you can be, i am me!

Don't show me the cold

It'll get cooooold, they told me. And i told everyone.
The temperature will go below zero, they said. I passed it on.
Can't surivie without a blower or heater, they said. I didn't doubt their wisdom. Sweaters, jackets, gloves, socks, mufflers - something to cover everything, they said. I obeyed.

He's up to His games again, i guess. Its almost the end of January, and there is no sign of the monster i've been dreading ever since i came here. Keep it up for one more year Sir, and i'll be eternally grateful.

I know its a dog eats dog world out there. And I know i'll starve if I dont eat. And yet, when I walk all over someone else's dream to get to my own, I cant help but shudder. Someday, someone will be doing the same to mine. Will I then be so practical about the whole thing? Will I be able to say - "Poor guy. If he hadn't snatched my food, he'd have nothing to eat". I don't think so.

But, thats the way it is. The world is so filled with people that if you want something, you'll find ten others who want it as bad or even more. And if you get it, they dont.

As someone wise has said - its me, myself, and then the world.

New haircut? Did you fall asleep at the hairdresser's?

And you really thought it couldn't get worse...

Oh my God! Did the hairdresser fall asleep?

Important tasks like this should never be left for the last minute. Not having enough time to visit a tried and tested place (whereby only i get accused of having succumbed to sleep), i experimented. And so did the hairdresser, looking at the results. Looks like she found the final solution to my curly hair problem - no hair, no curl!

If anyone ever has any doubts about the ability of music to reach to the very depth of the soul, just put on your headphones, close your eyes, and listen to Rehman sing "Yeh jo des hai tera".

I'm single !!

And have been for the 20 odd years of my life. So what's new? Got a room to match! Moved into a single room at the hostel a couple of days ago. One whole tiny room, all to myself. To be myself.
What's the big deal, one might ask. After all, i've been living single in a double room for some time now. But its not the same. Not at all. The empty bed, the extra furiture, everything in a double room reminds you that someone is missing. In this tiny place, with just enough space for me, myself and my world, I feel comlpete.

Karmanye vadhikaraste maa faleshu kadachana ...

How can you watch other people enjoy the fruits of your labour, while you go hungry? No matter how hungry they are, no matter how happy it makes them, will not your hunger stop you from feeling happy for them?

Makes you feel like a victim. Makes you resent people you should not. And worst of all, acts as a deterrent for all future endeavors.

To B and S, two of the most proactive people i know. Genuinely sorry things didn't work out. And though I can’t answer the whys, I hope you keep up the spirit.

Not awake and yet not asleep
In a world where reality is a dream and dream reality
I suddenly hear voices that don't belong
Startled, afraid,
Strangers in my home!

Takes an eternal instant
For reality to become itself
For me to realize
That I am the stranger in someone else's home.

You've been uprooted and planted in totally new surroundings. It's a new life in a new place with new people. And yet, within no time, you stop noticing the difference. It all seems perfectly normal until some small incident, utterly insignificant in itself, puts things into perspective.


I'm walking along the hostel corridor when at some distance i spot two bai's chatting. When i get a little closer, i'm shocked to hear them speak Hindi! Bai's are supposed to speak Marathi, I want to tell them, it's like their mother tongue. And then i realize i'm in Hindi's homeland.

I'm just a student like everyone else around. Exams, projects, assignments - you get the picture. One day i notice one of my classmates typing. She's doing it slower than i can do without looking at the keyboard. And it all comes back to me.

I'm riding my cycle to the department and i see two people on a Kinetic. Not a very rare sight, almost an everyday occurrence. And yet, one day it reminds me that I too have one of these back home. I actually have to imagine what it must feel like to ride a vehicle again.

The most effective way to shorten a line is to draw a bigger one

Here I am, on Platform 9 at Allahabad railway station, surrounded by blood thirsty mosquitoes and the biting cold, waiting for a train that is 9 hours late, and yet, i'm not really complaining. Though not exactly singing "God's in his heaven and all's right with the world, i don't subscribe to the popular opinion around that the railways have been taken over by the devil.
All because my waiting list seat got confirmed !

A day less ordinary

Girls Hostel - IIT Gate - some place halfway between IIT and railway station - Kalianpur - Girls Hostel - SAC bus stop - Gol Chauraha - Jhakarghatti (NO, i did not make that up) - Gol Chauraha - IIT Gate - Girls Hostel

Sounds like a busy, productive morning? Busy, of course, productive, hah!

Let me start at the very beginning of this tale of extra-ordinary stupidity. 'm so ashamed of it, i want the world to hear it and laugh at my face so that i dont do such things again (I know the world doesn't read my blog, but i really can't yell this out from rooftops)

It all started one fins (?) Sunday morning. It was the day i was to leave for home after 5 months of stay in the hostel. The day started with me getting up an hour and a half later than i'd planned and 20 minutes before i'd planned to leave. No self respecting girl can get ready in 20 minutes and neither did i. I did manage to get out in less than an hour though. Everything packed, breakfast eaten, goodbyes said, i was on my way to the railway station marveling at me speed and efficiency when lightening stuck. I'd forgotten - you won't believe this - my ticket!! It came a such a shock, i took quite some while to gather myself and ask the rickshaw wala to stop. About turn, back to the hostel. With help from and utterly disbelieving and utterly support classmate, I was on my way to catch a bus to catch my train, ticket firmly in place. The bus timetable however did not match the train timetable and i had to accept the fact that i couldn't make it to the station on time.

Angry, ashamed, frustrated, i cancelled my ticket and booked another one for the next day. Came back to the hostel and narrated my story to everyone, wanting them to laugh at my face. Most were either too disbelieving or too polite to do it. Spent the rest of the day drowning myself in serials and movies.

Latest Update:
A new day has come. I'm sitting in the ladies waiting room at Allahabad railway station, writing this story and many many more. The train is 9 hours late. If this is a regular habit with it, i could have walked all the way from Kanpur to Allahabad and still made it on time!

Kind of takes the punch out of your victory doesn't it, when you find out that the opponent was hollow ... that you really didn't have to put in your best ?

Feelng particularly low since i am the hollow opponent.

You never realized she was gone
Until she took away everything that was hers
Till then, her clothes were her, her bed was her, her books were her...
All alone in a half empty room
The faint echo serving to remind
That the only voice around is your own


An ode to my roomie (what did you think ;)

Law of conservation of responsibility

Whenever you see a carefree soul, completely lacking responsibility, look around a little and you will find another carrying the extra burden .

That will be the day that I die

The day I stop getting that sickening "end of the world" feeling in the pit of my stomach before a presentation.

Of course, time, experience and some surprising and inexplicable positive results have tempered the feeling to "end of a small continent" level.

The ant and the grasshopper
In my room live an ant and a grasshopper. Well, if you want me to be accurate, there live thousands of ants and hundreds of grasshoppers. But, we're interested in a particular ant, lets call it P, and a particular grasshopper, called, lets say V. This ant P works round the sem, Goes to bed only after a good day's work, uses weekends to catch up on where it is lagging. The grasshopper, true to its nature, whiles away time. Looks at the birds and the sky, plays around in the sun, hangs around with other lazy grasshoppers, generally has a good time and works only when pushed very hard against the wall.
Now that winter's here, its playback time for grassy. P of course, having worked all throughout, has enough stashed up to see it through the winter. And V of course, is having a very bad time, hopping from place to place, trying to do 10 different things at the same time. P watches V with an expression that is part smug, part sorry.
V has vowed that this is the last time it is going to behave like a perfect grasshopper. Next sem, it is going to try and mutate into something that is part ant, part grasshopper. So that life is not so much a union of extremes.

On my way to college, there used to be a school for orphan girls, run by the same institute that ran my college. And every morning, as i dragged my feet to college, i used to see the girls playing in the grounds. Volleyball, cricket, just about anything. And they all looked so happy and cheerful and fresh! That to me was, and is, the prefect way to start the day.
Perfection of course, is rarely attained. But, my hour of baskekball in the evening comes pretty close. I may not be great at it, i am not great at it, but it is so much fun. For that hour, there are no assignments, term papers , projects... I'm just this carefree being, living my hour of freedom.

Before:
My room. My PC. And my first episode of FRIENDS ! And tomorrow, i leave for a rafting trip !!
My cup of joy is overflowing, flooding everything in sight.

After:
Have you ever felt that your life is like one of those movies that would have been perfect if only the director had sense enough to end it at the right moment?
How i wish i could have rafted away into the sunset, and not have to return to this routine.

Ditched !! By my commenting tool :((
The official reason - "@%&*@# Basic/free accounts must be upgraded if they are heavily used over a prolonged period of time."
Heaviliy used. Bah
And they dont even let me keep the previous comments.
Now all that my stupid blog contains are my stupid posts. I WANT stupid comments :((

Trial by fire
I came though
scarred, burnt
Lessons never to be forgotten learnt

Background:
This place is filled with Andhrites and Begalis. Every second person is one and third person is the other. And somehow, south Indians any place to the north of south are a novelty. They end up attracting a lot of curiosity and attention.

Excerpts from an actual conversation with Someone (very definitely an Indian):

Someone: All these poeple, they all speak Telugu ?
Me: Yes
S: So many of them ! Hey, you are a South Indian too right? So, you must speak Telugu too
Me: No, i speak Tamil
(that i'm supposed to is closer to the truth, but i didn't elaborate)
S: Tamil? Not Telugu ??
(takes some time to digest this fact)
S: So, there are two South Indian languages.
Me: No, actually there are four .... Kannada and Malayalam
S: Malayalam ? Malayalam ??
(I didn't ask. By this time i was so filled with disbelief, i could believe anything. Maybe she thought Malayalam was just a silly palindrome)

Almost justifies all that "We won't learn Hindi" yelling you hear down South, don't you think?

Introducing - my roomies !

Apart from one insignificant two legged creature, i share my home-away-from-home with the creepies, the crawlies, the wigglies, the jigglies, the fliers, the biters, the fighters, the shouters ....

We're all one big happy family !

(Having to look at them every night makes me wonder - are they really a symbol of the maker's infinitie creativity or of his collosal disregard for his time)

She was really exited about the trek. The breathtaking scenery apart, she would actually be able to walk on snow !! She couldn't even remember how long she'd been dreaming of seeing and touching and playing with it. But when she heard that there was to be a separate trek for girls, she told everyone and anyone who'd listen, with her nose high up in the air, that she would not go for it. Girl-treks would be simpler, shorter, infinitely less exiting....
And then she heard that the boys trek would start from 2000 ft and go up to 5000 ft. And each person would carry 20 kg on their back.
Nose firmly back in position, she practices carrying around 7 kg loads.

Have you ever wished there were 4 of you? Scary thought, more so for me because, no one knows me better than myself :)
Putting it another way, have you even been pulled in 4 different direction? Every direction equally attractive, each pull equally strong, until you actually hope you rip apart, just so the pulling would stop?

A trek on the Himalayas
Rock climbing
River water rafting
Home

All stuff that my dreams are made of (the last one being a recent addition). All to be done at the same time.
No one was more in need of J.K.Rowlings time turner :(

Prologue:
I've always wanted to write a verse. Something a little more abstract than what i generally write. What follows is an attempt at the above. The only thing that gives me the confidence to post this, well, there are two things. One is that most of the current audience of my blog are my friends. And they can't stop reading just because i write unreadable stuff :) I mean, thats what friends are for. The other of course is the "Delete" option in blogger.


Small things
and yet, they bind you
don't let you fly away

You dream
dream of a day
a day when nothing holds you
a day you fly away

And then, bright and new
comes a day
a day when the small things that hold you
the things that bind you are gone !
Nothing stops you from flying away

And then you see
small things
small things you hadn't seen before
and you know you'll never fly away

But, cold and clear
will come a day
A day when the small things that no longer bind will seem bigger than the small things that do
And you'll feel that much closer to flying away.

Saw a foreign language film. Wihout any subtitles. Needless to say, didn't get a thing. The only two lines with subtitles were - "I give others hope. I keep none for myself".
The movie was called - "Lord of the rings - Return of the King". Maybe the name fooled me :(
I knew as much about the plot before watching the movie as i did after. And that is - There is this ring, and it is an evil one. And so, it needs to be put into fire. The ring obviously doesnt fancy such and end to its existence. Once in, and it would become a nameless, shapeless blob of metal. Or worse, thousands of nameless, shapeless blobs of metal. And so, it tries it damnest best to retain its name and shape. Tempts anyone and everyone who try to take it anywhere close to fire. Causes huge wars, huger books and hugest movies to be made. In the end ofcourse, as in all good stories, good triumphs over evil and the ring becomes a u-know-what.
Even with this extremely limited understanding, the movie was fun to watch. But, i still say, gimme a book over a movie, anyday.

Yahoo !! It's thursday !

Special dinner in the mess tonight !! There's little else that makes me as happy as food does.
If one looks at life just as a series of Thursdays, the weeks seem to pass by in a flash. I can remember the anticipation of the last 4 thursdays, just like they were yesterday and the day before, and the day before the day before ....

"Hi there, I am Punctual, Miss Punctual"
(Title inspired by one of Pooja's posts)

I've never been called punctual. Whatever may be the decided time, i'm always 5 minutes late. This is mainly due to an extreme reluctance to start early - somehow starting early seems more sacrilegious than arriving late. And, having been surrounded all my life with people of the older generation for whom punctuality comes a close second to godliness, i've never managed to earn much of a name in that department.
But, IIT K has changed all that. These people have taken punctuality to a new dimension - and left it there !!
A party at 6, and people are tricking in at 7.
A competition at 6, ou team reaches at 7, and we're the first ones there.
A movie scheduled at 9. Its 9.45, the screen still irresolutely white.
A match scheduled at 6 (a.m, mind you), we (the audience) reach there at 7 to discover we've beaten the players to it !

Havn't given up hope. I'm the only one around who still insists we leave at 6 for a party at 6. (Ofcourse, i end up leaving at 6.05 :)) I know though, that i'm fighting a losing battle.

Not fit for the previous generation. Considered hopelessly outdated by my own. I'm going to start a new generation - one for whom punctuality means being 5 minutes late !

For want of a shoe nail

A CD player. Magnanimously gifted by bhai, only too glad to get rid of me.

CDs. Filled with favourite songs carefully picked during my last days in Pune.

Batteries. Amongst the first things i bought on setting foot in K.

But, no headphones :(((

Didn't know i'd miss listening to music so much :(

The day wasn't special by itself but they'd been ordered to make it so. And so, after an extremely ordinary lunch that gave no hint about the festivities to come, they started to work. And work they did, till dinner time.
7.30, and the girls started trickling in for dinner. Dinner - a biological necessity, not something to be looked forward to. So unexpected was it that most of them didnt even notice anything different until they were well inside the dining hall. The whole place had been transformed ! Scrubbed clean, brightly lit, tables covered with table-cloths and table cloths covered with rose petals. They could scarcely believe it was the same old hall they ate in everyday ! As they filled their plates, they only hoped the food lived up to all this decoration.
And live up it did ! It was the food that completed the transformation. From a place filled with some disappointment, but mostly indifference, the hall was transformed to a place alive with happiness! It was everywhere and it touched everyone - those who didnt find the food extra-ordinary, those who were serving it and most importantly, those who'd worked to make it special.

If ever there comes a day when there are only two career options open to me - washing clothes and begging, i'm pretty sure i'll be stuck with the latter. Not so much because i'd make a terrific beggar, but because i'm a terrible washer. One look at the before and after of clotehs washed by me will tell you why. At least to the naked eye, there is no difference in them :(( If only i'd known that a
not-so-up-to-the-mark performance in GATE would lead to this, i would've given everything i had to do better.
And yet, even this dark cloud is not without its silver lining. All this washing contributes significantly towards my goal of winning the inter-galactic baddie
championship. Arms, wrist, plam - washing does seem to be an exercise tailor-made for wannabe inter-galactic baddie champions !

As an aside, all these inter-galactic thoughts can be attributed to my perusal of "The Ultimate Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy" in my spare time. Its hilariously, uproariously funny. I have to take a break after every two pages to let all
the laughter out of my system. Great chioce, guys !!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I actually feel physical pain every time i hear that recorded laughter coming out of a passing room. If only i'd been a little less me, i would've banged into the room full of stangers and sat and watched with them :(
Some day .....
But, i also know that for most events in life (my life at least), the anticipation is more exiting than the event itself.
Here's to anticipation !

I've never been ragged. And looking at what some of the b techs undergo here, am i glaaad i didn't give JEE (Did someone say sour grapes?) Objectively speaking, its not that bad. But singing and dancing is not what what i'm all about, as those who know me will readily testify.
I did have one unforgettable experience with ragging here. Havnig finished my dinner, i was getting up from the table, probably a little hestiantly because one of my friends sitting next to me hadn't finished. This is when this girl sitting opposite did some stange action with her fingers. I was not sure she was looking at me, but there was no one else nearby. I returned an utterly puzzled look and she said - "B Tech, first year ?" I managed to almost fall off my chair and also reach cloud number 9. Its been closer to a decade than i'd like it to be since i was in BE first year !! Took me a long long time to come back to earth .....
And, DARE anyone cast aspersions on the quality of eyesight of such a wonderful pure, benovelent soul !

The bubble did burst when i found out a probable cause for the misunderstanding. All first year b techs had to wear their duppattas in "jassi-style" (NO, i dont watch that serial, this is a second hand description). And, i'd probably unknowingly worn it that way.

Long will live Eakta Kapoor
(Not sure if that is the "latest" spelling, but you know who i'm talking about)

IIT. The temple of Indian education. A place where some of the greatest minds of the country are prepared for the future. (Dont mind my prescence here, i'm the exception proving the rule). A little surprising that the hostel of such an institute has a TV room. A little more surprising that it is seldom unoccupied. But, what is most unbelieveable is what the TV is made to dish out most of the time - yes, all those saas-bahu serials! And tough one wont find too many people in the TV room every day, almost everyone knows what goes on in every serial (me being an exception again, a happy one this time). All those people who refuse to acknowledge Hindi as a language to be used for normal conversation, stuck to the TV.

If this is the future, i wash my hands off it.

I've hooked up to another game. Basketball. If i continue like this, very soon,i'm going to be "not a jack, not yet a king" of all games ever invented.
What attracted me to the game is that it can really strengthen your arms (strength being very much in demand in that region). It can remove the one weakness that stops me from becoming a national, no international, maybe even inter-galactic baddie champion.
Met a girl here who'd played basketball in her school days. And she said that het biggest problem in baddie is that she hits the shuttle so hard that it mostly flies outside the court !!! I have met anti-me !! (remember Shyamalan's Unbreakable?) Anyway, that pretty much decided it.

Basky, here i come !

Anyone who sees me for the first time here will be execused for thinking i'm an exercise addict. From my very first day here, i've started exercising. My roomie is impressed with my determination. Little does she know the real reason behind my persistence :) Everyday, IITK mess does something that makes all this exercise necessary, probably even futile :( Yesterday, it was bread and butter for breakfast. I heard a voice challenge me - "Lets see you resist that". To cut a long struggle short, it didn't and probably never will. Today, it was an indianized version of french fries (much tastier, IMO). The voice again. Some voices never learn.
It is almost as if every morning, as i sweat it out (that being achieveable in K by simply standing) i am atoning for my previous day's sins.
1..2..3..4
Oh lord, please forgive me for the butter
5..6..7..8
and the fries
...

Had Shahi Paneer for dinner. Even had to pay extra for it. The voice had finally learnt its lesson.

I have been uprooted from my world and placed in totally new surroundings. Normally, one of the following should happen:
1. I should have lost her bearings and be trying to find them
2. I should feel on TOP of the world
3. I should feel like running away from this place.

But no. Here i am, life going on as usual, as if nothing has happened. As if it is perfectly normal for a person to sleep at home in Pune at night and wake up in a hostel in Kanpur the next morning.

Sometimes, i have to pinch myself to see if i am really alive.

Today was supposed to be my last day here ...

a day of good-byes
a day filled with memories of the absolutely wonderful times i've had here
and memories of how the not so wonderful times were made memorable by the wonderful people
a day for looking back two years and almost not recognizing myself
a day for looking ahead, wondering if i'll be able to adjust to a college, be able to address people as "sir"
a day for wondering if i'll every see you guys again
a day filled with promises to keep in touch

Guess it was not meant to be. Guess He wanted to make me really really want to go.

So that i dont miss it all so much.

Tried something new this weekend. Said to myself - You're going to have a miserable week. Why have a miserable weekend too ? And so, i came to office on the weekend and did almost absolutely no work !! Was great fun while it lasted ....
Now for the hangover. Its hardly the end of the day and i'm already filled with remorse :((
Guess this is just not me.

Some things never change ...

Still someone who LOVES the beach

Still someone who dreams of playing in the snow one day

Still someone who dreams of standing under a waterfall

Still someone who loves reading

Still someone who finds it difficult to say no

Still someone who hasn't found her calling in life.

On the other hand ....

From someone who in two years talked to exactly two people in her class ...
To someone for whom having a conversation isn't exactly an earth-shattering experience

From someone whose in meetings spoke ONLY when spoken to, and that too a yes or a no ...
To someone who sometimes gives opinions even without being asked

From someone who didn't even know what a pizza tasted like ...
To someone who has tried it all and can't stand anything other than desi stuff

From someone who was unbelievable overweight but didn't look it ...
To someone who is just plain overweight and looks it

From someone who was proud of jogging once around a football ground ...
To someone who can jog for 25 minutes and still say - "Yeh dil maange more"

From someone for whom snacks were incomplete without a second helping ...
To someone for whom only extreme hunger (which is not as rare as she'd like it to be) necessitates a second helping

From someone for whom dreams were dreams, not to be confused with reality ...
To someone who has the courage to convert some one her dreams to reality

Hmm, not bad, even if i do say so myself :)

From someone for whom travelling by bus was a way of life ...
To someone who feels queasy in a 20 minutes bus journey

From someone who could eat anyplace, anytime, the only things needed were hunger and food ...
To someone for whom the cafeteria turns into a land filled with hostile people at the very thought of eating alone

From someone for whom watching a movie alone was an adventure of its kind ...
To someone, at the very thought a shiver goes down whose spine

Where did you go?

Played baddie after aaaaages today .... feel like a human again :))

You know things are not going well when:

1. You leave office at 11 pm one day, and the night watchman on duty gives you a surprised look that says - "Leaving ?"
2. The driver of the "late-night-car" knows the way to your house better than you do.
3. Its monday. You spot a copy of Sunday Times in your house and wonder - Was there a sunday recently?
4. Your vehice headlights are not working. The vehicle becomes useless to you since you never travel during the day anyway.
5. Your colleagues wonder when you go home. Your neighbours wonder when you are home. Your parents wonder when you are home. And you wonder - "Home? Whats home ?"

Life should be more than a series of milestones.... it should be a series of journeys to milestones.

Discovery of the day:
You can hear yourself better when you close your ears.

In case i'd forgotten, he decided to teach me again.
I now re-know why a release is called a release :)

Just the prospect of a trip has made me go crazy ..... dont know what will happen if and when it actually materializes. Going by experience though, i wont be so crazy about it then .... in my case, the prolog almost always causes more exitement/happiness/fear as the case may be, than the event itself.

Should be working, but am totally distracted .....

As far as direction sense goes, you really cant get much worse than me. Having lived in the same city for the past 20 odd years (no, I refuse to get more specific than that ;) ) one would expect me to somewhat know my way around the city. I was reminded how bad i was a few days ago, when i was returning home a little late in the night with a friend. He's been in the city for two years, and claims to have an equally bad sense of direction. And, he knew the way back as well as I did. Or rather, i knew as little as he did. Fortunately, he does not fall into the category of men for whom asking for directions is sacrilege. So, we reached home without too much of Pune-darshan.

The availability of people who can direct you is what spoils it all. I keep thinking - Why bother to remember the way, when you can always ask someone if you get lost ?
A little bit of ego is a good thing sometimes.

Most non-stray dogs you come across are surprisingly well-behaved. Even if they are not tied to a leash, they follow the master (or whoever is walking them), not distracted by anything - be it a dustbin, a jogger, a cat or whatever. Its almost like they are on a wireless leash! It is those few members of the canine species who do not follow the wireless protocol who bring their species a bad name.

These wireless dogs remind one so much of people everywhere - free in body but bound in spirit.

"Man invented work to keep himself from thinking " - said someone, and i couldn't agree more. When life is filled with work, or rather life is work (like mine has been for the past couple of weeks), not only do you not have the time to think, you also stop noticing the small things that set you off on some trail of thought. Which is why, when i am swamped with work, one of the first things that take a hit is my blog - I dont have the time and I dont have the ideas. Not that i'm overflowing with creativity the rest of the time, but least i manage to find something to write
about once in a couple of days.
Beware, all ye readers!! Now that I am relatively free, i'm going to spam my blog with all that has happened all these months.

Some events in life make you question your reasons, your motives. "Why am I here" ? "Why am I doing this" ? Writing get and set methods to provide access for 130 private members of a class at past 10 in the night pretty much did it for me! With each function, I told myself - "Be a lazy programmer. Write a script to do this". But, at past 10 in the night, though you can rely on your copy-pasting abilities, you really wouldn't care to bet on your script writing ones.

There was once this man who lived in a village. Though he had everything he was not happy. His biggest complaint was that his house was too small. One day, he happened to meet the sadhu who sat the the edge of the forest near the village, and poured out all his problems. The sadhu listened patiently and then told him to get his cows to live inside the house for a week. The man had a lot of faith in the sadhu and did as was told. A week later, the man went back to the sadhu and said - "The whole house is stinking. There's no place to cook, no place to sleep, its really terrible ". The sadhu told him to keep his pigs inside the house for a week. The man could hardly believe his ears, but he still had faith. So, again, he did as he was told. A week later, the man came back to the sadhu, nearly in tears. He said - " Now, even the cows are stinking ! No one in the village wants to have anything to do with our family. What should i do ?" The sadhu asked him to take the animals back to their sheds and clean up the house. Relieved, the man rushed home and did as was told. A month later, the man happened to meet the sadhu and the sadhu asked - "So, how's your house?" The man replied - "You must come to my house. I'm sure you have never seen a more spacious house. It's got place for everything I need need and more !!"

Life after GATE is indeed wonderful !!

Pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew !

For those who didn't understand, that was me exhaling.
I'm free !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss a target and think i didnt work hard enough
I achieve a target and think maybe it wasn't high enough
Self- satisfaction is so difficilt to come by.

If a classic is "a book that never finishes saying what it has to say", the book on compliers by Aho, Ullman and Sethi is definitely a classic.

Or maybe, i have the memory of a goldfish :((

Sometimes i wonder .....
how it would be
to be at the receiving end of me.

Haven't written anything in ages, but a recent traumatic experience has shaken me enough to take up the pen again. I had to to the bank. Yes, that's it. That's the traumatic experience. And no, the source of the trauma was not the fact that my account had dried up like the wells of my home state do in summer. Any visit to any bank for any reason puts me in a state of extreme nervous tension- comparable to what i feel when I'm appearing for an interview or an oral. I behave like a moron once I'm in one of those places. And invariably get shouted at. The shouting acts as fodder for my next visit's tension. This particular visit was made with the intention of getting a demand draft

I enter the Bank, and it is filled with busy people. In a bank, busy is synonymous with rude. Avoiding them, i look around for a friendly face. The only not-so-busy person i spot is a rifle carrying guard. Summoning all my courage, i go and ask him where should i go if i want to get a demand draft. In a kinder voice than i'd expected, he guides me to the counter and also tells me to ask how much commission i'd have to pay for the draft. A shouting later, i have the form and commission amount. I fill up as much of the form i can understand (yes, it is in english) and am back to the counter man. I dont know where in the form to put the commission amount. Before i can open my mouth to ask him, he grabs the form from my hand. One look at it, and he shouts - "Madam, u've not written anything here, not even the amount". And i manage to splutter - "I wanted to ask what to write". He looks at me as though i'm speaking in some African language. "What to write? What to write ?" - he's stuck that that sentence, not wanting to believe that someone can ask that. I clarify - "Yes, where to put the commission amount". And while he's barking an answer at me, another bark joins in. Several barks later, I'm the proud owner of two forms - one for the draft and the other for the commission. After going through both the forms, i go back to the counter man to submit the forms, but by now, there a line of people waiting to get shouted at. I'm almost at the head of the queue when i realize that nowhere have i mentioned the name of the person to whom the draft is to be made. Sprint out of the queue before the counter man can bark again. After a lot of deep and profound thinking, i realize that probably the Payee column should be the place to put that name. I scratch out Vinaya from there, and put the right name. I'm back at the end of the line, but the rifle man, who'd seen me sprint tells me to go directly to the head of the line. Blessing him, and asking Him to join me in this noble cause, I'm back to the counter man. This time surprisingly, he has nothing to bark about. He writes something on both the forms and hands them over to me. Feeling like i have the key to a priceless treasure in my hand, i look around for the rifle man to ask for directions. By this time, he's convinced that i am an African aadivasi on her maiden visit to the civilized world. He points me to where the cashier and the teller sit and says, go give the forms to him. I promptly head for the cahier's counter. A finger tells me I'm at the wrong place. I submit the forms and the amount at the teller's counter and that guy tells me - collect the draft from there after 10 minutes, pointing vaguely in the direction where all the employs of the bank except him are sitting. To terrified to ask where exactly there is, i nod and come out. 10 minutes later (which i spend trying to get my heart to go slow), I'm back to the rifle man. He tells me "you-see that-RED-shirted-man-there, go-ask-him -if your-draft-has-arrived", pronouncing each word very slowly, not sure whether the African aadivasi even understands the language he's speaking. Gratefully nodding my head, i go and ask the red man. He says he hasn't got the draft yet. I sit down to an infinite wait. Some time later, that man says, "Go collect it form that man there', telling me even how to get there. Grateful, i walk up to that man. He looks up and says "Yes mam, how can i help you? ". Not expecting such courtesy, i manage to splutter - "Draft". He says, "Oh yes. Please sign here". I obey. I'm sure any self respecting handwriting analyst would place the age of the hand that made that sign at not less than 75. Collecting that damned draft, i walk out of the dreaded place. Coming out, i look around to see if i can see the rifle man to thank him, but i see him busy helping a fellow tribesman. Shooting him a grateful look, i get out of the place with something looking suspiciously similar to a cheque. Only, instead of my name it contains the Bank's name below the dotted line. And they say, what's in a name !!!

I am going to name my child Union Bank so that he/she never has to suffer the trauma i've had to.

Though I'm not the praying kinds myself, when people tell me "Pray for me" or "keep me in your prayers", I take it seriously. Plan out a special session with Him to tell Him to keep them in His "TBD" list. Generally, there is something specific I am supposed to ask, like please let xyz get through the interview. But when I actually get down to asking, I keep thinking "Am I right in asking Him to do this? Does xyz really deserve this? Would it not be unfair to others ? ...." As if He is waiting there to do just what I ask. Finally, I end up saying something like "God, please give xyz what he deserves", sounding more like I'm cursing than praying !!!

God, or lets say the creator of this world, in his infinite wisdom, decided to create as many classes of people as there are objects. In non cs language, that means he decided to make each person unique. So that life becomes interesting, challenging, colourful. And while I don't doubt his infinite wisdom (God forbid !!!), I see one not so desirable consequence of this scheme of things. All around, people who are not at all compatible, are forced to live together. While there is nothing "bad" about them individually, some kinds just cant get along with other kinds. Like, though there is nothing inherently wrong with either a square peg or a round hole, it makes no sense trying to force one into another.

A big fish came and ate up all the small fish. And so, i didn't have small things to put up on my blog for sooo long.

I'm back !!!
Had a great time at home. Diwali was the usual "bored-of-crackers-but-never-of-sweets" stuff.
Watched Hungama like a tele-serial, in 15 to 20 minute episodes, complete with commercial breaks.

Learnt that if hopes are dupes, fears will be liars.

Missed my office diwali gift :(( Will get it on the first of Nov now. Hope i am disciplined enough till then to fit into it. Have been a bit optimistic and ordered Medium size.

Watched Office Space, a really cool movie about ..... guess .... frustrated software professionals :))

Back to routine, but not particularly sad about it.

Blogging from home for the first time. Not a bad day overall. Managed to put in a decent amout of studies without getting that i-dont-want-to-ever-look-at-a-book-again feeling. This was adied by a short visit to the office, just cant stay off that place.
For the first time in sooo many years of my life, i was home in the pre-diwali period.This is mainly because i went to a school which on a generous year, gave 3 days off for diwali and the tamil deepawali invaliably ended before those 3 days.Since Mummy too went to the same school(as a teacher obviously), she had to take leave to make sweets.Everyday, bhai and i would rush home to find out what sweet she'd made that day. And some day, she'd say, Today I cleaned the kitchen. And we'd think, what a waste!! No matter how clean the kitchen looked, it couldn't justify all that precioius time which could have been spent making sweets, sweets and more sweets. Today, for the first time,I saw all that went to the cleaning. Whew!! Just seeing was overwhelming !!



I hope there someone in this big wide world has carried out a study that concludes that studying increases the appetite. I really don’t see any other way to explain the indecent quantity of food that has been vanishing down my food pipe lately. People who have seen me eat may not be really surprised, but believe me, i've surprised myself !!! If this continues, it will not be long before i'm well on my way to becoming the female incarnation of Dudley Dursley :((



Tell-tale signs that i've been studying:
A set of books in every room of the house (including the kitchen at times)
Pages of doubts that i have a record of never having asked anyone (doesn't mean i find answers to them, i just dont ask)
Manifold increase in the amount of talking done with Bhai, with the central topic of discussion being how we will avenge all this studying once exams get over.
Old issues of Reader's Digest and Archies end their hibernation



Needed: Another study that concludes that study of compliers and Operating Systems induces severe ache in the lower back and what i think is called the ball-and-socket-joint.

On leave for a week. The first time in one year and a few months that I am taking leave. People keep telling me i should be given an award.
Though i keep cribbing about work, I'm not really looking forward to my leave. At least, work keeps you occupied. You have the morning tea break, the lunch break, walk, "sitting-on-the-sofa" break, coffee time, snacks, baddie, blogs ... (of course, i work !!)

I'm going to miss it all :((

To make my ride from home to office more interesting and challenging (you can imagine how interesting my life must be), i decided not to use the brakes of my 2 wheeler. Not "not at all", but not "until it is a question of someone's life and death". It turned out to be easier than i thought. Except for signals, and the final turn to my place (the width of the 'road' there must be almost 2 meters) i'm able to get to office in one piece everyday. You really can control the vehicle using the accelerator only, and i'm secretly hoping this would increase the mileage.

But now, i've observer a strange behaviour. I sort of remember reading something in Bio about some organs that stop doing what they are supposed to do if not used for generations. Think they have a name, also think it starts with v. Well, dunno if my two wheeler has become a follower of Darwin's theories, but thats sort of what's happened to my breaks. They've evolved into v-organs. They don't work anymore.

I am now forced to do what i voluntarily set out to do. Compulsory things are not fun.

Two conclusions about life that i reached over the weekend:

1. Just when you are thinking that things can't possible get worse in a certain department, life has it's ways of telling you "Think again !"

2. Nothing lasts forever. Your likes, dislikes, desires, goals ...
This is really scary. Imagine that you say to yourself, this is where i want to be 10 years from now. And you work really really hard to get there. Say 5 years down the line, or worse 9 and a half years down the line, you realize you don't want to be there after all. It is some consolation if the journey was worth it, but if not, the whole thing is an utter waste.

Just stating the conclusions here, and not the observations that lead to them. I have concluded that conclusions are more glamorous than the observations that lead to them.

I think i have become one of the most infrequent visitors of my own blog :( Such a looong time since I've written anything. And no particular reason. Life's just been as always. Boring in patches and interesting in other patches.
My current work is so interesting and challenging, that if i don't supplement it with songs, i can sit at home (eating and sleeping being much easier at home :)). Pooja pointed me out to a great collection of Tamil songs. Been listening to them ever since. And each day, some song catches my attention. No, not catches, grabs, usurps, completely takes control. I keep humming it all day long. I listen to it many "one last time"s before going home. It is a funny sight - me with headphones on, staring at my wallpaper, shaking what little of my body i can within the confines of my chair, tapping my foot on the CPU and smiling away. It's a great feeling - keep wishing i can carry the song with me.
I do manage to carry some part of it. Not being very conversant with tamil, i don't catch half the lyrics. And not being very conversant with singing, i cant reproduce half the tunes. And so, i am la-la-laaing most of the time. No one at home can make out what i am singing (?!). "If you are going
to be like this all night, u'd better sleep in the hall" - encouraging words by bhai, who else ? I naturally respond by becoming even more loud.

Just imagine doing something that brings so much joy to the world. Wish i were doing something like that. I'd give anything to be able to just play the songs.

there was a little girl
who had a written curl
right in the midddle of her forhead

when she was good
she was very very good
when she was bad
she was hooooooooooorid

Me.
And my baddie playing.

Today was one of the horrid days :(

Of men and motorbikes

What is it with come men and motorbikes? Why do they think that bikes are strictly part of the male domain? I was talking to some friends and saying how i've always wanted to ride a bike, when one of them asks me "Why"? And there is so much of pain in his eyes. As if I am spoiling something beautiful just for the fun of it. Like if a girl rides a bike, it will no longer be manly to do so. Why does it have to be manly? It is just a mode of transport, for God's sake.
Another objection is, it is not feminine to ride a bike. Girls should stick to "Activa", one of them says. That's what suits them.

Anyway, in a few years time, i think they'll all get used to it. I mean, i don't think there is anyone who thinks jeans have become less manly because girls wear them.

Had my appraisal a few days ago, and my blog was actually mentioned in it !!!! My team lead said that he'd read my blogs and that there is a certain flow in my writing. And that i should try and do that in the mails i write to the client.
He right. The mails i used to write just a few months ago - GOD !! Each of them had to be reviewed by him. Wish i had saved both copies of the mails - pre-review and post-review. It would form classic teaching material. My written communication has improved more from his reviews than from classes specially conducted for this purpose.

Of course, i'm not blaming the classes - i know how seriously i attended them ;-)

Ahhhhh ....

Saw Rules yesterday, and MIlind Soman looks unbelievable in it. There is one question that always comes to my mind when i see really beautiful people (so far, only two people fall into this category - Milind Soman and Julia Roberts) - How do they live with themselves ? How do they handle all that beauty ?
People who almost made it to this category - Aishwarya Rai and Brad Pitt.

Science and Art

IMO, there are two classes of 'computer people'. One class which considers computers a science,a and one class which considers it an art. People who consider it an art, see something beyond facts and reasoning. They see something beautiful in the way things work. They are really passionate about things, be it a certain method, a certain language, a certain paradigm ... And they have very little patience with the other class of people, whom they consider, well, to put it politely, fools. These 'fools' are not really fools, but people who lack their knowledge and passion and vision. ( i may be a little biased here, because i am one of those 'fools')

I have had the opportunity to attend a few lectures by the 'arty' types, and each of them have been memorable. Though i don't remember the content (thus proving that i am one of those 'fools'), i remember the feeling well. There is the happiness of having seen something beautiful, mingled with the sadness that i have to be shown that beauty in order to be able to see it.

Argggggh

Variety, they say, is the spice of life. Ever heard of a stomach upset because of too much of spice? Or rather, too much of a particular spice.
There are a variety of people in this world. And there are a variety of music bands to cater to their tastes. And certain variety of people like certain variety of bands. And certain variety of people
can't stand certain variety of bands. And if these two variety of people happen to live in the same house, argggggh

Bhai had built up quite a collection of songs on our new PC. There really was variety. Unfortunately, the hard disk developed bad sectors, and he could save only a few 'precious' songs. The whole weekend, he kept playing them again and again and again. And not one of them of the variety i can stand. Argggggh

My weekend was filled with people screaming
"This is the 21st century"
"It doesn't even matter"
"Somewhere i belong"
"Bhai pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee"

One fine day

You are trying to learn something new, and you keep trying and trying and trying, with no result at all. You don't know if you are capable of doing it. You don't even know if you are headed in the right direction. And then, one fine day, things suddenly click. For no special reason, you start doing things well. The ugly duckling suddenly becomes a swan.

This happened so many times with me. Happened when i was learning TT, when i was learning to ride the scooter, when i was trying to lose weight, and now, when i am trying to play baddie.

You might say its okay, because in the end it doesn't matter. But, i find it scary for two reasons.One is, that there is no motivation to keep trying. How do you know that you are not just an ugly duckling?
Another reason is, what guarantee that the way you got it all one fine day, you wont lose it all?

Logic-less things are really scary.

Never ever sit on the back seat of a 350 cc bike unless you are ready to cling to the driver like your life depends on it. And believe me, your life does depend on it.

Finally !!! Got a baddie racquet yesterday. A big thanks to all those people whose racquets contributed to my progress (?!)

Games....Baaah

As if it was not enough that I was bad at two games, I was recently inspired to try my hand at a third. The main source of inspiration was the prescence of a carrom board, and the fact that there were about 10 people waiting to play baddie and 10 more for TT. My friend and I, ever ready for (mis)adventures of this sort, decided to give carrom a shot. I reasoned that since you do not need strength to play carrom, and that was the 'sole' reason why i was pathetic at baddie, carrom could not be so bad. I was not bad, after all. I was pathetic, miserable, hopeless. My hands were actually shaking when i tried hitting the striker. Put in not even 4 coins in 4 games. And, that too, two of them of the opposite teams :( There was even this coin that was designated my "favourie one", since i had spent one whole game trying to put that in.

Why ????

Why do boys have to be good at all games by default? And why does it take girls eternity to learn? I apologize to those miniscule percentage of girls who are naturally good. But on the whole, i havn't come across many girls of that kind. Even if they do exist, i am sure it is to prove the exception to the rule.

Rode the bike !!!! Not as bad as i thought i would be. Once even managed to kick start the bike while sitting on it. But as of now, the fact that i can ride a bike gives me more pleasure than riding the bike itself.

The road that we took has a paraplegic home on one side. (Dictionary.com says paraplegia means "Complete paralysis of the lower half of the body including both legs, usually caused by damage to the spinal cord"). This one is for the army people. Any time you pass from the road, you can see a few of them hanging around on their wheel chairs. Middle aged men most of them, and quite fit otherwise. When i was in college, my bus used to go by that route. And, notwithstanding the fact that it was 7 in the morning, a group of them would be sitting near the gate, waiting to wave out to us. And, the people in the bus would wave back. A small, few seconds routine, but it touched the lives of all involved. One guy in particular, always caught my attention. An oldish sort of fellow, his face was so full of life and happiness, one could not believe he has nothing much to look forward to in life. It was the simple joy of being alive.

While i was struggling with the bike, cursing everything from my short legs to the bike manufacturers, these men were quietly watching me and smiling. What they would not have given to be in my position - a whole life ahead of me, and everything i need to live it to the fullest. We owe it to them to do something worthwhile. (Unfortunately, all these are just momentary inspirations :( )

And, to what end did they make such a sacrifice? Who has the right to ask it of them? And whose duty is it to see that the rest of their life is not a waste?

Again, i come back to the system.

I now know why a release is called a release.

Va Va Vroommmm
Bhai is finally getting his bike. And, my long cherished dream of riding one will be fulfilled.
I'm going to ride it all over the place. Ride him. Definitely male.

I'll be watching you

I have this allergy to certain food stuffs, and when i eat something that doesn't suit me, it results in a terrible cold. After years of treatment, my resistance has considerably gone up.
Just the day before yesterday, i was marveling at how i hadn't fallen sick in a loooooong time. And, the very next day, i was down with a bona-fide attack. The runny nose, the sore throat, the head ache, the body ache, the sleepless nights . . . the works.
It was almost like He was up there singing

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Spooky.

Or maybe, i'm looking for meaning where there is none.

Sometimes, i feel God is just another name for coincidence.

It's a dog's world

I have a friend who is mortally scared of dogs. She is convinced that every dog that ever there was, was born with one aim in, life - to bite her. And she has lots of proof to prove this. So naturally, when she and i go for a walk, I am the hero. I walk on the doggie side, i even shoo away the beast, if need be.
Now, my friend has gone to Bangalore. And how i miss her. Walking and talking with her, I discovered many things about myself, but NOT walking with with her has also taught me something. That I am no hero :(. I am probably not as afraid of dogs as she is, but I'm not much better.
My morning walk path is "infested" with dogs. All the stray dogs for miles around come out to wish each other good morning. Out of good manners, a few greetings are thrown my way too. And this almost makes me wish i had no legs, cause then i would not have to walk. There is one dog in particular, who simply loves to bark and growl. He (or she) will stand at the same point everyday, and start his barking-growling sequence the moment he spies anything remotely human. This used to send shivers all the way to the bottom of my spine every time i passed that point. But now, i have sort of got used to him. I can see that he comes in peace. This is not to say that i don't get shivers down my spine, but they don't go all the way down.
Who knows, some day, I might be even be singing "Me and you and a dog named Boo".

An anology

From the computer world (how else do I establish that i am a computer engineer). God was the developer of the system.
After he 'completed' development, he outsourced maintenance to us humans. (even God doesn't like maintenance !!!)

On the other hand, maintenance guys, take heart. This is the purpose of our lives. This is what God put us on earth for.

The solution ... ? (See "The problem" below)

It looks like the cause of the problem is that we humans do not follow one of the basic laws of
nature - "survival of the fittest". Because we have emotions, a 'heart', we have changed the law to -
"survival of every human being born". And because we are intelligent, we are able to find the ways
and means to ensure this. But nature was not designed for this kind of load. With fixed resources,
when quantity increases, quality is bound to go down.

The solution then, is to produce only that many human beings as can be sustained by nature. And
because, we have emotions, a 'heart' and because we are intelligent, we should be able to do this.

The problem

Reached at 7.35 for a farewell party that was to start at 7.30, and not surprisingly, was the first one. While I was waiting for the others to turn up, and promising myself an ice cream for every 5 minutes of delay, I saw some street children. There were three of them, around 6-7 years old, one brother - sister pair and a girl. They were fighting, and the girl was threatening to hit the sister. The brother was valiantly trying to protect his sis. All this was happening pretty close to where I was standing, and I stared at the three, in the hope that they would take their fight someplace else. The girl took this to be a sign of interest, and started justifying herself "I went to ask those didi's there and she came and swore at me" - she said, pointing to the lil sis. The sis, looking totally guilty, was hiding behind the brother. The brother, I just noticed, had some problem in one eye. The girl was bigger and healthier than both, and was succeeding in hitting them. I told them - "This is a big place, there is space for everyone. You two go this side and you go that side". With a parting shot at the brother, the girl disappeared.
Some time later, actually, a lot of time later, when we were leaving for the restaurant, I saw the girl again. She was begging from some new group of people and fighting with some new guy. All this seemed like a game to her. Something that children do all day. The ignominy, the hopelessness of her situation had not yet sunk in. To her, this was life, and it was not bad. Wish she never grows up .....

The bill for dinner came to 2500.

What kind of a system is this? And who is responsible? Man, or the one who created man ?

Ever felt that something nice that you happen to come across sort of becomes 'yours' ?

Like, I heard this relatively unknown song by Air supply, called "Making love out of nothing at all". It was simply beauuutiful. Told it to as many people as i could. Any anytime, any of them praise the song, or even hum it, I feel a surge of pride.

And one day, bhai was designing something on AutoCAD. And, he used some font to label the design. He was sooo mighty pleased with the font ( more mighty pleased than he was with the design itself).

Wonder why it happens. Maybe, just the joy of unearthing a thing of beauty.

Can only imagine how it must have felt to make the steam engine, or discover gravity ....