Hard-hearted I may be
But silver tongued I am not
What you see is what you get
I beard the burden of destroyed lives
Of destroyed hope I can not.
Hard-hearted I may be
But with a silver tongue that heals
Telling you what you want to hear
So however deep the cut may be
Its my conscience that bleeds.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Shutup and feed me!
4.30 p.m.
[Stomach rumbles. Sends a HUNGRY message to Brain ]
Brain: Didn't we like just have tea?
Stomach: All part of the forgotten past, my dear fellow. Wonder what we will have for snacks today.
B: [grinning evilly] Poha
S: Oh, shut up!
B: Upma
S: Cant you ever think positive?
B: Health foo..
S: No! Don't say it! Unless you want me to flood you with HUNGRY messages for the rest of the evening.
B: Alright, alright. I take it back.
S: [dreamily] I hope its bhel. Or pav bhaji. Or...
[Brain has moved on to more productive tasks]
4.50
[Stomach sends a TIME message to Brain which it passes on to Eye]
Eye: 4.50. Oh, this must be S asking.
B: Who else? Sigh, its goodbye to all work until it is filled. I'd better pass on your message before S interrupts me again.
[to S]
4.50.
S: What?? 10 whole minutes? And thats only if He (the cook) is on time! Oh, i don't think i can take it anymore.
B: [rolling eyes. Not Eyes] Do you want a toffee?
S: Oh, how heartlessly it mocks. No one understands my troubles. Not even Nose, which has to be fed every 6 seconds. It has the memory of a goldfish, really, takes in a lungful, promptly forgets about it and starts all over again! Disgraceful, i tell you, this dependence...
B: [who by now knows the routine well enough to have asked Nose whether it has inhaled any smells] Nose says it smells onions
S: Really?? [Does a little jig] That could mean Bhel! Oh please let that goldfish be right. please. I'll never ever call it a goldfish again! I'll... are we there yet?
B: [sighs] I'll ask around.
[to Eye]
One of you look at the clock, only the clock and nothing but the clock until further notice. Interrupt me with the time every minute. And the other, look out for tray carrying office boys. Only they can save us now.
[to Ear]
Open doors. The clank of plates. Until further notice, everything else is noise. And keep me posted.
[to Nose]
I don't care if you don't take in air, but take in the smell. And for God's sake, not everything smells like onion. You'll break the poor fellow's heart if it turns out to be Poha.
[For the next how-many-ever minutes, they are all professionals. Eye, knowing that it is no good at parallel processing, multi tasks between the clock and passer-bys. Every passer-by who is not a tray carrying office boy gets the look. The look is the look that a drowning man would give a log that turns out to be a straw. Nose does not forget to breathe, but it analyzes every breath for clues. Ear hears every creak of the door, every footstep that follows, every hint of a clank. Brain is so busy with I/O, it has suspended all processing. Evolution never seems to have heard of DMA]
5.10
E: I spy an office boy! With a traaaaaaaaay!
B: Its here!! Stop rumbling, you idiot!
S: [with a weak smile] Cant believe i made it. Couldn't have done it with you, guys.
Eye, Ear, Nose, Brain: Awwww.
S: Shutup and feed me!
[Stomach rumbles. Sends a HUNGRY message to Brain ]
Brain: Didn't we like just have tea?
Stomach: All part of the forgotten past, my dear fellow. Wonder what we will have for snacks today.
B: [grinning evilly] Poha
S: Oh, shut up!
B: Upma
S: Cant you ever think positive?
B: Health foo..
S: No! Don't say it! Unless you want me to flood you with HUNGRY messages for the rest of the evening.
B: Alright, alright. I take it back.
S: [dreamily] I hope its bhel. Or pav bhaji. Or...
[Brain has moved on to more productive tasks]
4.50
[Stomach sends a TIME message to Brain which it passes on to Eye]
Eye: 4.50. Oh, this must be S asking.
B: Who else? Sigh, its goodbye to all work until it is filled. I'd better pass on your message before S interrupts me again.
[to S]
4.50.
S: What?? 10 whole minutes? And thats only if He (the cook) is on time! Oh, i don't think i can take it anymore.
B: [rolling eyes. Not Eyes] Do you want a toffee?
S: Oh, how heartlessly it mocks. No one understands my troubles. Not even Nose, which has to be fed every 6 seconds. It has the memory of a goldfish, really, takes in a lungful, promptly forgets about it and starts all over again! Disgraceful, i tell you, this dependence...
B: [who by now knows the routine well enough to have asked Nose whether it has inhaled any smells] Nose says it smells onions
S: Really?? [Does a little jig] That could mean Bhel! Oh please let that goldfish be right. please. I'll never ever call it a goldfish again! I'll... are we there yet?
B: [sighs] I'll ask around.
[to Eye]
One of you look at the clock, only the clock and nothing but the clock until further notice. Interrupt me with the time every minute. And the other, look out for tray carrying office boys. Only they can save us now.
[to Ear]
Open doors. The clank of plates. Until further notice, everything else is noise. And keep me posted.
[to Nose]
I don't care if you don't take in air, but take in the smell. And for God's sake, not everything smells like onion. You'll break the poor fellow's heart if it turns out to be Poha.
[For the next how-many-ever minutes, they are all professionals. Eye, knowing that it is no good at parallel processing, multi tasks between the clock and passer-bys. Every passer-by who is not a tray carrying office boy gets the look. The look is the look that a drowning man would give a log that turns out to be a straw. Nose does not forget to breathe, but it analyzes every breath for clues. Ear hears every creak of the door, every footstep that follows, every hint of a clank. Brain is so busy with I/O, it has suspended all processing. Evolution never seems to have heard of DMA]
5.10
E: I spy an office boy! With a traaaaaaaaay!
B: Its here!! Stop rumbling, you idiot!
S: [with a weak smile] Cant believe i made it. Couldn't have done it with you, guys.
Eye, Ear, Nose, Brain: Awwww.
S: Shutup and feed me!
Friday, April 13, 2007
Life with directions?
Have you ever wished while wandering along life's roads, that some of them came with a danger sign? Skull and crossbones that say - Keep Away!
I don't. One, because i don't believe in danger. No, its not quite that. Danger as a distant, faraway possibility does not scare me. Like, if I ever come face to face with a tiger, I will
a. be terrified
b. faint
c. do something incredibly stupid like throw a stone at it and yell shoo
d. all of the above
But, my fear of tigers will not scare me from entering the jungle. I guess sometimes it pays to be unimaginative!
Secondly, no matter how hard a road is, no matter how much it hurts you, no matter how desperately you want it to end, you never come out the same person. Every road teaches you something about yourself, shows you the kind of person you are, the kind of person you want to be. And that to me is worth a few bruises any day.
I don't. One, because i don't believe in danger. No, its not quite that. Danger as a distant, faraway possibility does not scare me. Like, if I ever come face to face with a tiger, I will
a. be terrified
b. faint
c. do something incredibly stupid like throw a stone at it and yell shoo
d. all of the above
But, my fear of tigers will not scare me from entering the jungle. I guess sometimes it pays to be unimaginative!
Secondly, no matter how hard a road is, no matter how much it hurts you, no matter how desperately you want it to end, you never come out the same person. Every road teaches you something about yourself, shows you the kind of person you are, the kind of person you want to be. And that to me is worth a few bruises any day.
Untitled
Like a rock she stands
Firm, unyielding
Throwing back whatever the world throws at her.
Oh why not be a lake instead?
Unprotesting, but unchanging
Swallowing whatever the world throws at you
With only a burp of a ripple to show for it.
Firm, unyielding
Throwing back whatever the world throws at her.
Oh why not be a lake instead?
Unprotesting, but unchanging
Swallowing whatever the world throws at you
With only a burp of a ripple to show for it.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The geek that never was
Sigh. Its time I admitted it. Although I've been to all the places they go to and spent two years among the best of them, I've come out remarkably unaffected. It can only mean one thing - i am not one of them. Technology does not excite me. What goes on behind the technology does not excite me. Don't get me wrong, I like my job, doing it well gives me a lot of satisfaction, But I think i can safely say that would have been true about any moderately challenging field fate would have pushed me into. And I doubt if such lukewarm sentiments can get me even a visitors pass into geekdom.
I've seen people go crazy about puzzles. They spend days trying to get to an answer, thesis pushed to an unobtrusive corner, discuss them over birthday dinners (birthday boy included!) I've seen whole groups of people obsessed with finding a better way of solving some obscure problem. I've seen them give up movies and sleep in order to participate in programming contents that for some inexplicable reason, always being at midnight (I tried it once, under influence, but didn't make it past 5 A.M. She never asked me again). I've seen people go crazy over games, mobile phones, Ipods, Macs, gaming consoles... But I've always watched from a distance, wanting to want to join in the fun, but not really wanting it.
Its like Phoebe's husband says in Episode 204 (yeah, big surprise, i quote from FRIENDS):
I've seen people go crazy about puzzles. They spend days trying to get to an answer, thesis pushed to an unobtrusive corner, discuss them over birthday dinners (birthday boy included!) I've seen whole groups of people obsessed with finding a better way of solving some obscure problem. I've seen them give up movies and sleep in order to participate in programming contents that for some inexplicable reason, always being at midnight (I tried it once, under influence, but didn't make it past 5 A.M. She never asked me again). I've seen people go crazy over games, mobile phones, Ipods, Macs, gaming consoles... But I've always watched from a distance, wanting to want to join in the fun, but not really wanting it.
Its like Phoebe's husband says in Episode 204 (yeah, big surprise, i quote from FRIENDS):
I thought I was supposed to be someone else, you know. I'm an ice dancer. All my friends are gay. I guess I was just trying to fit in. But you reach a point when you cant live a lie anymore. I guess at some level I always knew I was straight.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Addicted
Can you be addicted to multiple things at the same time? I seem to be! And instead of engaging in destructive competition where the winner takes all, they each seem to have chosen a sphere of my life that they aim to fill to the exclusion of everything else. In no particular order, these are:
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Yes. Again. I don't even know whichth repetition of the series this is. It never seems to get old! Its so bad that i can watch an episode, laugh at all the jokes even though i know them all, immediately watch the same episode again and laugh all over again! I've tried alternatives, but they don't make 'em like that anymore.
Exercise
Yeah!! Even though it doesn't exactly show, its true. I cant go too many days without some form of exercise. I know its supposed to be a good thing and all, but the dependence is scary! I mean, what if someone kidnaps me someday? (Its not as ridiculous as it sounds. I'm in the software industry, I stay with my parents, I am what you get if you cross a monk with a miser). I will be torn between whether to appeal to my kidnapper's better nature to give me more food or ask him to let me run 10 rounds of the jungle.
Banana chips
This one is an old demon. They would occasionally be found in the pantry at my old workplace. My love for them was so famous, people from faraway lands would come and tell me that there were chips in the pantry. And 5 minuets later, they would be no chips in the pantry. Once one person asked me - Auntiji, how many do you eat? (That address is NOT a reflection on me, its not even a personal thing. Its just how people were addressed there. Part of the corporate culture. I thought calling people by names would be difficult, but this! I did get used to it over a period of time, stopped considering it an insult, even slipped into unclejis occasionally). My reply - As many as i can Uncleji, as many as I can.
Blogosphere
Work, or lack of it, is mainly to blame for this one. I can spend a whole day blogtrotting, skimming through some, going deeper than I'd like to admit into others. It is a lot of fun seeing a person emerge from the writings, shaped by your own views and prejudices. To find that I have yet again judged prematurely, that the person lies somewhere in between posts that make me frown in disapproval and posts that make me go awwww. But sometimes I get the feeling that I am a whole generation behind the youth of today (at least the ones who blog). Sigh. Maybe I am.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Yes. Again. I don't even know whichth repetition of the series this is. It never seems to get old! Its so bad that i can watch an episode, laugh at all the jokes even though i know them all, immediately watch the same episode again and laugh all over again! I've tried alternatives, but they don't make 'em like that anymore.
Exercise
Yeah!! Even though it doesn't exactly show, its true. I cant go too many days without some form of exercise. I know its supposed to be a good thing and all, but the dependence is scary! I mean, what if someone kidnaps me someday? (Its not as ridiculous as it sounds. I'm in the software industry, I stay with my parents, I am what you get if you cross a monk with a miser). I will be torn between whether to appeal to my kidnapper's better nature to give me more food or ask him to let me run 10 rounds of the jungle.
Banana chips
This one is an old demon. They would occasionally be found in the pantry at my old workplace. My love for them was so famous, people from faraway lands would come and tell me that there were chips in the pantry. And 5 minuets later, they would be no chips in the pantry. Once one person asked me - Auntiji, how many do you eat? (That address is NOT a reflection on me, its not even a personal thing. Its just how people were addressed there. Part of the corporate culture. I thought calling people by names would be difficult, but this! I did get used to it over a period of time, stopped considering it an insult, even slipped into unclejis occasionally). My reply - As many as i can Uncleji, as many as I can.
Blogosphere
Work, or lack of it, is mainly to blame for this one. I can spend a whole day blogtrotting, skimming through some, going deeper than I'd like to admit into others. It is a lot of fun seeing a person emerge from the writings, shaped by your own views and prejudices. To find that I have yet again judged prematurely, that the person lies somewhere in between posts that make me frown in disapproval and posts that make me go awwww. But sometimes I get the feeling that I am a whole generation behind the youth of today (at least the ones who blog). Sigh. Maybe I am.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
A prince. And then a pauper.
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players
And the Director has lost it. All through rehearsal, he has groomed you for a certain part. You go on stage, you play it brilliantly, like you were born for it. Then suddenly, without warning, he thrusts you into another role. One you don't like, don't understand and were quite happy not playing.
The play is a big mess. The Queen, used to taking tough decisions and living with them, now has to live with someone else's decisions. The soldier, whose has not been responsible even for his own life, and has been quite content to be led, is suddenly responsible for the whole kingdom. The King is torn between the Queen and the Kingdom.
But, they are actors. They will manage. They might fumble for a while, forget lines, slip into their previous roles, but they will learn. Understand. Improvise. Some of them might someday get really good at their new role, like they were born for it. Some will always feel out of place. But all of them, for a long time to come, will curse the Director and wonder why He couldn't stick to the script.
And all the men and women merely players
And the Director has lost it. All through rehearsal, he has groomed you for a certain part. You go on stage, you play it brilliantly, like you were born for it. Then suddenly, without warning, he thrusts you into another role. One you don't like, don't understand and were quite happy not playing.
The play is a big mess. The Queen, used to taking tough decisions and living with them, now has to live with someone else's decisions. The soldier, whose has not been responsible even for his own life, and has been quite content to be led, is suddenly responsible for the whole kingdom. The King is torn between the Queen and the Kingdom.
But, they are actors. They will manage. They might fumble for a while, forget lines, slip into their previous roles, but they will learn. Understand. Improvise. Some of them might someday get really good at their new role, like they were born for it. Some will always feel out of place. But all of them, for a long time to come, will curse the Director and wonder why He couldn't stick to the script.
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