Tu dhoop hai, jham se bikhar
Tu hai nadi, o bekhabar
Beh chal kahin, ud chal kahin
Dil khush jahan, teri to manzil hain wahin
They speak to me, these lines. Especially the last one. It makes it sound so simple. Sigh. If only i could find the damn place, dilkhushjahan.
Another year is almost here. Starting from some arbit point, the earth is about to complete one revolution around the sun. Celebrate.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Friday, December 21, 2007
Another circle of life
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat!
Is it Diwali time? And is that the patter of little feet moving to the sound of tiklis bursting from the plastic gun? And is that the part excited part afraid squeal of the gun wielder as the tikli flashes into ashes?
Naah.
Its an ordinary everyday evening. And those are the parents old feet chasing mosquitoes with a plastic bat. And that is the triumphant scream of the bat wielder as a mosquito hits the bat and flashes into ashes.
It is their second childhood after all.
(In case you haven't come across the latest in pest control, i present to you MachchBuster 2000. A tennis bat shaped bat, it has a light plastic body with a deadly electrified wire mesh. Prominent at the centre of the mesh is a lightning shaped shape, serving to remind everyone of the lightning scar bearer's victory over the Dark Lord. And mosquito unlucky enough to come in contact with the mesh when the bat wielder happens to be pressing the button that electrifies it is not only dead, but cremated with full honour.)
And we? We are the adults now. Too occupied with with life to join the fun. Yet keeping an eye on them, in case they get carried away.
Ha! Whom am i kidding? Wannabe adults, thats who we are. We talk the talk, sure, but are yet to walk it.
Is it Diwali time? And is that the patter of little feet moving to the sound of tiklis bursting from the plastic gun? And is that the part excited part afraid squeal of the gun wielder as the tikli flashes into ashes?
Naah.
Its an ordinary everyday evening. And those are the parents old feet chasing mosquitoes with a plastic bat. And that is the triumphant scream of the bat wielder as a mosquito hits the bat and flashes into ashes.
It is their second childhood after all.
(In case you haven't come across the latest in pest control, i present to you MachchBuster 2000. A tennis bat shaped bat, it has a light plastic body with a deadly electrified wire mesh. Prominent at the centre of the mesh is a lightning shaped shape, serving to remind everyone of the lightning scar bearer's victory over the Dark Lord. And mosquito unlucky enough to come in contact with the mesh when the bat wielder happens to be pressing the button that electrifies it is not only dead, but cremated with full honour.)
And we? We are the adults now. Too occupied with with life to join the fun. Yet keeping an eye on them, in case they get carried away.
Ha! Whom am i kidding? Wannabe adults, thats who we are. We talk the talk, sure, but are yet to walk it.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Issued in public interest
A strange new phenomenon has been recently observed in audio devices used to play music. Termed Leftyingitis, the phenomenon affects the playing ability of the left half of devices such as headphones and earphones. Acute Leftyingitis is a temporary onset of the phenomenon in which the left half of the device rarely generates music but is known to generate squeaks of static and cries for help. Chronic Leftyingitis is more permanent. The left half of the device shows no sign of life and can actually be cut off from the device if it was not for the aesthetics.
A rarer strain of the phenomenon similarly affecting the right half of audio devices has also been reported. Called Rightyingitis, this strain is as deadly as its more common cousin.
Possible causes:
The jury is out on this one. While hundreds of theories and thousands of wannabe ones have been fighting for the top spot, experts agree that one of the Big Four is most likely to win.
1. A new communicable disease that spreads through luminiferous ether (which, according to the scientists was chosen as the medium because "its a really cool name begging to be used")
2. Evolution: Biologists claim to have seen this coming. They claim that evolution has given up on ever being able to evolve man into a higher being and has now taken to experimenting on man made stuff.
3. Intelligent Design: Proponents of this theory claim that the phenomenon is too narrow and specific to have come about by chance. They claim it is all part of the Makers plan. Unfortunately their press release forgot to capitalize the M, thus triggering wide spread protests outside Bose, Sony and Apple offices.
4. The flying spaghetti monster: Pastafarians claim it is because His Noodly Appendages have been having some fun.
And then of course, there is Global Warming. And the Al-Qaeda.
Cures:
Acute Leftyingitis may be cured by tilting the head carrying the device in certain positions. These positions are random and the effects are not repeatable. The affected device may also respond to physical abuse.
If your audio devices are exhibiting chronic versions of either strains of the phenomenon, you are advised to adjust your definition of a complete musical experience to one in which you can hear from both ears.
Workaround:
Buy audio devices in pairs. If you are lucky, each device in your pair will exhibit a different strain of the phenomenon. If not, swap one of your devices for one exhibiting the opposite strain. Remember though that Rightyingitis is rare, so if both your devices have Leftyingitis, you are better off crushing them both and starting all over again. By whatever means, if you end up with two devices exhibiting opposite strains, get your ears surgically repositioned so that you can listen to both devices at the same time.
A rarer strain of the phenomenon similarly affecting the right half of audio devices has also been reported. Called Rightyingitis, this strain is as deadly as its more common cousin.
Possible causes:
The jury is out on this one. While hundreds of theories and thousands of wannabe ones have been fighting for the top spot, experts agree that one of the Big Four is most likely to win.
1. A new communicable disease that spreads through luminiferous ether (which, according to the scientists was chosen as the medium because "its a really cool name begging to be used")
2. Evolution: Biologists claim to have seen this coming. They claim that evolution has given up on ever being able to evolve man into a higher being and has now taken to experimenting on man made stuff.
3. Intelligent Design: Proponents of this theory claim that the phenomenon is too narrow and specific to have come about by chance. They claim it is all part of the Makers plan. Unfortunately their press release forgot to capitalize the M, thus triggering wide spread protests outside Bose, Sony and Apple offices.
4. The flying spaghetti monster: Pastafarians claim it is because His Noodly Appendages have been having some fun.
And then of course, there is Global Warming. And the Al-Qaeda.
Cures:
Acute Leftyingitis may be cured by tilting the head carrying the device in certain positions. These positions are random and the effects are not repeatable. The affected device may also respond to physical abuse.
If your audio devices are exhibiting chronic versions of either strains of the phenomenon, you are advised to adjust your definition of a complete musical experience to one in which you can hear from both ears.
Workaround:
Buy audio devices in pairs. If you are lucky, each device in your pair will exhibit a different strain of the phenomenon. If not, swap one of your devices for one exhibiting the opposite strain. Remember though that Rightyingitis is rare, so if both your devices have Leftyingitis, you are better off crushing them both and starting all over again. By whatever means, if you end up with two devices exhibiting opposite strains, get your ears surgically repositioned so that you can listen to both devices at the same time.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Dark Could Vs Silver Lining
Dark Cloud: It takes more self control than i've got to
1. skip meals
2. go for early morning jogs
I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: I've joined a gym! With a very attractive corporate discount!
Dark Cloud: Too attractive. The money no longer compels me to show up. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: On the days i do show up, i feel great after working out!
Dark Cloud: And miserable before. And old during. I used to be able to jog for 20 minutes at a stretch. Not anymore. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: There is always aerobics! Shaking my body to loud music, its the closest i am ever going to get to dancing, and i LOVE it! I love the before! i love the during! i love the after!
Dark Cloud: Oh, but the songs i have to put up with. I want to die when I'm a Barbie girl comes up. And it comes up. Every time. Its one of those songs i'd be terribly embarrassed to be seen enjoying and yet, in that atmosphere i cant help it. More than once i've horrified myself by catching myself singing along. If they ever play Brazil, i'll quit. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: Thats just one song in an hour! The ones she plays during cool down are really nice!
Dark Cloud: Whatever. After all that, I'm still as fat. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: (for once without the enthusiasm to talk in exclamation marks) Sigh. You win. I'm doomed.
They get together to form one huge dark cloud and live gloomily ever after.
Acknowledgments: Silver Lining inspired by the following characters from Terry Pratchett's Maskerade
1. Christine, who says everything with an exclamation mark
2. The Opera House Ghost, who leaves threatening notes with written maniacal laughter with 5 exclamation marks. Stuff like
Dear Opera House Manager,
ehahahahahaha!!!!!
Respectfully,
The Opera House Ghost.
Terry the wise says, "And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears their underpants on their head". You will notice that i have used them only in the singular.
1. skip meals
2. go for early morning jogs
I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: I've joined a gym! With a very attractive corporate discount!
Dark Cloud: Too attractive. The money no longer compels me to show up. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: On the days i do show up, i feel great after working out!
Dark Cloud: And miserable before. And old during. I used to be able to jog for 20 minutes at a stretch. Not anymore. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: There is always aerobics! Shaking my body to loud music, its the closest i am ever going to get to dancing, and i LOVE it! I love the before! i love the during! i love the after!
Dark Cloud: Oh, but the songs i have to put up with. I want to die when I'm a Barbie girl comes up. And it comes up. Every time. Its one of those songs i'd be terribly embarrassed to be seen enjoying and yet, in that atmosphere i cant help it. More than once i've horrified myself by catching myself singing along. If they ever play Brazil, i'll quit. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: Thats just one song in an hour! The ones she plays during cool down are really nice!
Dark Cloud: Whatever. After all that, I'm still as fat. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: (for once without the enthusiasm to talk in exclamation marks) Sigh. You win. I'm doomed.
They get together to form one huge dark cloud and live gloomily ever after.
Acknowledgments: Silver Lining inspired by the following characters from Terry Pratchett's Maskerade
1. Christine, who says everything with an exclamation mark
2. The Opera House Ghost, who leaves threatening notes with written maniacal laughter with 5 exclamation marks. Stuff like
Dear Opera House Manager,
ehahahahahaha!!!!!
Respectfully,
The Opera House Ghost.
Terry the wise says, "And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears their underpants on their head". You will notice that i have used them only in the singular.
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