I wish I was a bear

I've finally figured it all out. This part of my life i call hibernation. You know, the state where all activity but the ones essential for life cease, and you lie dormant, waiting for better times. I work. I eat. I sleep. And that keeps me alive. Pretty low maintenance, I'd say.

The trouble however, comes from the rest of the world. You see, when you are hibernating, it is understood that you are to be left alone. The only interaction you are supposed to have with the rest of the world is through your nose. But the rest of the world? Doesn't follow the protocol! It keeps disturbing me with stuff that hibernators are supposed to be unaware of. Like trips, and college festivals, and faraway trips, and weddings, and treats, and trips... All stuff designed to make me want to wakeup to life. Only i can't, see?

So now, i've come up with a way to shut up the rest of the world. The whole problem arises, as the astute reader must no doubt have grasped, because i let them get to me. Penetrate through my defenses. Make me want stuff i am not supposed to want. So, until i wake up, this is going to be my standard response to all all non-hibernation-standard questions. Ready?
:)
Yeah. A smiley.

A before-after scenario will show how powerful it can be.

Before:
rest of the world: We are going on a rafting trip!
me in hibernation: Cooooooooool! Hold on, without me?? How could you?? I hate you! I'm never going to talk to you again! Never, ever! I hope your raft topples in the wall. I hope you fall into the third blind mice. I hope... aah, whom am i kidding! It would still be the bestest fun...

After:
rest of the world: We are going on a rafting trip!
me in hibernation: :)

See? Devastating.

Wish me luck. What with the upcoming convocation and rafting trip and wedding, i am going to need it!

Gotcha!

Age creeps up on you and says boo at totally unexpected places. It could be while you were listening to the uncertainties of someone just setting out in the world, looking to find his spot. And you realize how secure you are. The smugness lasts for a while before you realize it also means you can see your whole damn life ahead of you. No uncertainty, no unknowns. Old.

It could be when you hear of someone going for higher studies. Unknowingly, you smile your been there done that smile. And then the shock - When did I cross over to the other side of that one!

It could be when you are showing off your cute nephew's photos. And someone refers to his mom. And you start to laugh, say- she is my cousin, not a mom! She is a kid, like I am. Boo. OMG! Am I an aunty like she is?

Then of course there are the obvious ones. Like there is no way you can click the 16-24 age group in online surveys and still be telling the truth. Or the fact that your classmates are getting married in large numbers. And of course, people who ask you your age and then look around to see where you have left your kids. (No, that hasnt happened, and i dont see how it could, but i also see how it could).

To whoever is trying to send me these signals. I get it, you know, i do. What i dont get is, what am i supposed to do about it?

In which Granny tells a story

(To make up for all the one liner posts. I confess that at this point all i have is a very vague idea of where i want this story to go. Let see if I can take it there)

Once upon a time, began Granny, adjusting her specs to look upon a bunch of interested faces, there were four Pandas. No, no, said the up-to-date granny before the kids could interrupt her, they were not called Ta, Ra Ma and Pa. They were called, well, it doesn't really matter what they were called, so lets call them Axe, Why, Zee and Aye, she said, preening a little at her variable naming skills. There were your regular little pandas, you know, the ones who eat shoots and leaves. They were happy, fulfilled pandas who spent their days climbing trees to eat shoots and leaves. Until one day. And here, granny took a dramatic pause, making sure the audience was with her. On that day, half way up his 23rd tree, Why was hit. No he did not die a gory death, said granny, to the great disappointment of the audience. What do you take my story for, some kind of revenge drama where the remaining three dress up as humans and track down the killer and fall in love with his daughter? As i was saying, she continued, on that day, half way up his 23rd tree, Why got hit. By what you ask? By... a... Question! Oh yeah, those things are dangerous, she told a skeptic audience, sometimes even more dangerous than a headshot.

Granny had them, she knew. She continued. Why bravely climbed down the tree with his Question and sat down to think. Axe, Zee and Aye, passing him on their way to their 25th, 28th and 32nd trees respectively, at once realized something was wrong. Why, whats the matter, they asked him. I have been hit, moaned Why. I don't see any wounds, said Axe in a very scared voice. Zee was too scared to speak. Only Aye was brave enough to ask - was it a Question? Aye, it was, said Why. Better tell us about it before it hits us too, said Aye. Why nodded. Gathering all his courage, he told them about the Question that hit him. Why, said Why, are leaves green?

They were all stunned. Zee even dropped the leaf she was eating and started at it like she had never seen it before. The Question was scary, but what was scarier was that it had been with them all along and they hadn't even noticed. There was only one thing that could save them now. The Answer, said granny to a wide eyed audience. The four of them picked one direction each, and went looking for the Answer.

Axe went North
Over the mountain, across the seas
Forgetting to eat shoots and leaves
Pausing just to tell the trees
How much for the Answer he grieves


Why went East
Looking high and low among the trees
For the Answer that would bring him peace
He found the answer with ease
but is still looking for the peace

Zee went West
Zee went looking determinedly
Some answer there was meant to be
She looked and looked until she found
There was no answer to be found


Aye went South
Skipping over hills and climbing trees
Looking for the answer to complete his peace
The Question still hurts him repeatedly
But never when he eats shoots and leaves

So, said Granny, peering at her audience through her specs, which one of them would you like to be?

(You may think I am lost, but this is where i wanted to be. Yippie!)

Wrong time

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

Righ now, i do not want people to be nice. I do not want them to care. Not when I'm looking for an excuse to explode.

I wish I was a...

My suitcase has been to Singapore. My digital camera is on its way to London. In the words of Javed Akthar:

Socho tumne aur maine kya paaya insaan hoke

In an ideal world

- I will have work, not just a job
- I will have a life, and not just barely be alive
- Going to the gym will mean burning calories, not just money
- I will have concrete achievements, not just vague dreams
- I will have real stuff to write about, not just bulleted lists

And I will definitely not look upon my afternoon tea as a lifesaver.

Grow up!

Funny isn't it, when people behave like kids? So afraid of the injection, they'd rather remain sick?

Grow up. Grow up. Grow up!

Global warming, my foot!

Its all bakwaas, I tell you. All this global warming sharming. The globe is not getting warmer, its only this city of mine that is. Leave Pune out of the temperature calculations and you will see that the world is not a bad place to be in. (Of course there are people who insist the world will not be a bad place if we leave Pune out altogether. Though I shout myself hoarse defending the city of my birth, all this heat is not helping). Two years in Kanpur and thought i could come back here and turn my nose up at anyone who complained of the heat. All my "You call this hot?? Asli garmi to hamare Kanpur mein hoti hai" plans are now rotting in some damp, sweaty recess of my brain. It must be really bad, mustn't it, if someone who sits in an air conditioned office all day is cribbing so much about it? And its not just a matter of inconvenience, its affecting the basics, its changing who i am! Suddenly i have become one of those people who bathe daily. Sometimes twice. Shudder. what next? Will I become one of those umbrella carrying, dark glasses and sun-coat wearing, cool drink sipping people? No offense, but that is just not me!

You know you are a lost cause when...

• You get wisdom tooth at 24, and it is crooked.
• Crossword drives you crazy. Not because you don't have the money. Not because you have to choose. But because laziness forbids you from picking up a book without a reliable guarantee that the reading effort will be worth it.
• You get free food coupons every month and the only thing you have used them for is to buy ice cream for the neighbours.
• Its your first game of Foosball and you are the only one complaining of back pain.
• You still make plans involving people other than yourself climbing hills at 5 in the morning and believe they will work.

Born free

Some people are meant to be bred in captivity. Guarantee them the basic necessities of life, and they will flourish in a controlled environment. The uncertainties of the unknown, the dangers of the wild are not for them. Survival for them is not a struggle, it is a fundamental right. And as harmful as it could be to release such a person into the wild, it is equally harmful to hold captive someone meant for the wild.