Monday, February 23, 2009
I am the world
Have you ever felt... complete? It comes to me, this feeling, usually when i'm alone with music. I may be by myself in my room or surrounded by humanity on a busy street, but world fades into the background. The wind blows just for me, the song plays just for me, its been written just for me and that is all there is to the world. I sing along cause there is no one there to laugh, you see? The world flashes by now and then, but it doesnt demand, doesnt hold me back, it just waves a cheery goodbye. And where ever it is i am going, the only thing i wish for is that i never get there.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Its all coming back to me
As yet another group leaves on yet another trip without me (i have not been to more places in the last few years than i have been to in all my life), i sit and remember the good times.
The first memorable one to Mahabaleshwar, with colleagues who were not yet friends. Came back a little surprised at how much fun it was.
To Mulshi on a Bike.
To Matheran, the fraudest hill station ever and Nagao, the best beach ever. The hood of the car came lose when we were coming back. We the girls were given some rope to secure our luggage. We tied the bags together like they were birthday presents we were tying ribbons on. Very pretty, very useless.
To Raigadh and Harihareshwar in the monsoon in a van breathing its last. That got stuck in the mud. People, people i know, just bent down and lifted the van. They could have done it with one little finger, i couldnt have been more impressed!
To Varandha Ghat. Lots of rain, lots of monkeys. And something happened to the keys so we had to break into our own car. And a waterfall.
A hurried one to Dive agar. We left in the morning with no idea where we were going and that is where we ended up. Swans.
To Ganpati Pule. Two car loads for the first time. The terrifying return journey where one by one everyone fell sick. Two healthy people remained, neither of whom could drive. 20 questions.
Rishikesh, rafting. I could write a book on it.
Agra, first time travel by general compartment.
Delhi, god knows how many times. Cannaught place. Saravana Bhavan.
Panchmarhi. The monkey, the buffalo, the goat.
Roorkee. The second most beautiful campus ever. A hurried trip to some hill station whose name i forget.
Manali, skiing. Book.
Some place near Allahabad, for bird watching. We saw one alleged pigeon.
Trivandrum. Our own TV, our own cook, a swing in the hall, a bathtub, we lived in luxury!
Calicut, the most beautiful campus ever.
Bombay, Goa. Weddings. Old friends.
Malshej. Water Kingdom. Unexpected. Fun.
As i write this, a small part of me timidly asks, maybe its enough? Maybe its time to let go? All of me answers, not in this life.
The first memorable one to Mahabaleshwar, with colleagues who were not yet friends. Came back a little surprised at how much fun it was.
To Mulshi on a Bike.
To Matheran, the fraudest hill station ever and Nagao, the best beach ever. The hood of the car came lose when we were coming back. We the girls were given some rope to secure our luggage. We tied the bags together like they were birthday presents we were tying ribbons on. Very pretty, very useless.
To Raigadh and Harihareshwar in the monsoon in a van breathing its last. That got stuck in the mud. People, people i know, just bent down and lifted the van. They could have done it with one little finger, i couldnt have been more impressed!
To Varandha Ghat. Lots of rain, lots of monkeys. And something happened to the keys so we had to break into our own car. And a waterfall.
A hurried one to Dive agar. We left in the morning with no idea where we were going and that is where we ended up. Swans.
To Ganpati Pule. Two car loads for the first time. The terrifying return journey where one by one everyone fell sick. Two healthy people remained, neither of whom could drive. 20 questions.
Rishikesh, rafting. I could write a book on it.
Agra, first time travel by general compartment.
Delhi, god knows how many times. Cannaught place. Saravana Bhavan.
Panchmarhi. The monkey, the buffalo, the goat.
Roorkee. The second most beautiful campus ever. A hurried trip to some hill station whose name i forget.
Manali, skiing. Book.
Some place near Allahabad, for bird watching. We saw one alleged pigeon.
Trivandrum. Our own TV, our own cook, a swing in the hall, a bathtub, we lived in luxury!
Calicut, the most beautiful campus ever.
Bombay, Goa. Weddings. Old friends.
Malshej. Water Kingdom. Unexpected. Fun.
As i write this, a small part of me timidly asks, maybe its enough? Maybe its time to let go? All of me answers, not in this life.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Books, TV etc
Heroes is back. And while i cant be anything but glad, it sometimes feels like the makers are playing chess with the characters. Every season they paint each character with a random colour, throw them on the board in some interesting starting position and then watch the fun. From there on, the horse jumps in steps of two and one, the bishop goes diagonal, the rook goes straight. Claire hyperacts, bytes off more than she can chew and what with two dads, keeps getting grounded. Peter manages to see black and white in a grey world. Hero wants to be a hero, its almost like he is looking for villains who will make him one. Bennett is "protecting his family" and that excuses everything. As the two percent of Nathan that cares for Peter excuses the naked greed of the remaining ninety eight. Sylar is well, Sylar... i wonder if they even bother to write new dialogs.
Finished with Philip K Dick's Counterclock World. Dont read this if you plan to read the book, but i wouldnt recommend the plan unless you like that kind of thing and know what you are getting into. Its not bad, the concept is an interesting one, a world where from 1986 time has started to go backwards. So dead people rise from their graves, get cured of whatever illness that killed them, get younger, become kids and finally disappear into a womb. Its filled with stuff that makes you chuckle at the cleverness, conversations start with goodbye and end with a hello. Food comes out of your mouth, is packaged and sent to supermarkets. And my favourite, oh shit is now oh food. The Library is the evil corporation, in charge of eradicating books that describe stuff that has no longer happened. (See how interesting it can get? One day they'll eradicate all of Mozart's music just because. But then, Mozart will rise from the grave and imagine what he'd create!) My problem is that i need a story! A setting like this, however imaginative, is just the background. I need characters in it to have adventures (which they do), to fight evil (which they do) and for there to be a spectacular end to it all (which there isnt). I'm beginning to see the beginnings of a faint line in the SFF universe. Asimov, Frank Herbert, Adams, Practchett, Orson Scott Card are all one side. The Le Guins and the Philip K Dicks on the other. Arthur C Clark is sitting on the fence, mocking me, daring me to push him over. And i cant. While his setting is his story, i love reading him so.
One second yesterday was the 123456789th one since epoch. Geeks all over the world celebrated. And i find this out from Pune Mirror. I will go drown myself now.
Finished with Philip K Dick's Counterclock World. Dont read this if you plan to read the book, but i wouldnt recommend the plan unless you like that kind of thing and know what you are getting into. Its not bad, the concept is an interesting one, a world where from 1986 time has started to go backwards. So dead people rise from their graves, get cured of whatever illness that killed them, get younger, become kids and finally disappear into a womb. Its filled with stuff that makes you chuckle at the cleverness, conversations start with goodbye and end with a hello. Food comes out of your mouth, is packaged and sent to supermarkets. And my favourite, oh shit is now oh food. The Library is the evil corporation, in charge of eradicating books that describe stuff that has no longer happened. (See how interesting it can get? One day they'll eradicate all of Mozart's music just because. But then, Mozart will rise from the grave and imagine what he'd create!) My problem is that i need a story! A setting like this, however imaginative, is just the background. I need characters in it to have adventures (which they do), to fight evil (which they do) and for there to be a spectacular end to it all (which there isnt). I'm beginning to see the beginnings of a faint line in the SFF universe. Asimov, Frank Herbert, Adams, Practchett, Orson Scott Card are all one side. The Le Guins and the Philip K Dicks on the other. Arthur C Clark is sitting on the fence, mocking me, daring me to push him over. And i cant. While his setting is his story, i love reading him so.
One second yesterday was the 123456789th one since epoch. Geeks all over the world celebrated. And i find this out from Pune Mirror. I will go drown myself now.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Questions
(Something i wrote very long ago. Since i seem to be in the mood to flush out stuff...)
Why me
Why you
Why square peg
Why round hole
Why me
Why you
Why us
In this whole wide world
When it is answers i seek
Why questions
Why me
Why you
Why square peg
Why round hole
Why me
Why you
Why us
In this whole wide world
When it is answers i seek
Why questions
Change
(Yes i've gone nuts with posts. So sue me.)
There is change in which you and world are on the same side. You are like a pebble lying in the river. You just lie there, the river just flows and one day you wake up to see all the rough edges gone. Smooth, you think, and wonder why people find it so difficult to change.
Then there is change where you are against the world. You are the agent, you have to fight to get to where you want. You discover the meaning of words like resistance and comfort zone and inertia. You come to see how deep traditions go, you come to see the strength of the world.
And there is change that wants to change the world. I dont think i'm allowed to even talk about it.
Is there a point to this? Probably none, other than the fact that i like to classify.
There is change in which you and world are on the same side. You are like a pebble lying in the river. You just lie there, the river just flows and one day you wake up to see all the rough edges gone. Smooth, you think, and wonder why people find it so difficult to change.
Then there is change where you are against the world. You are the agent, you have to fight to get to where you want. You discover the meaning of words like resistance and comfort zone and inertia. You come to see how deep traditions go, you come to see the strength of the world.
And there is change that wants to change the world. I dont think i'm allowed to even talk about it.
Is there a point to this? Probably none, other than the fact that i like to classify.
House, M.D.
You know how in movies the world sometimes seems to dance to your tune? Ad billboards, mannequins, statues on crossings, traffic policemen, everyone seems to be singing your song. It happening to me, but in a much more creepy way. Was watching House yesterday and this one character says to another who is stuck in a rut but doesnt know how to get out - The only wrong thing is to nothing. And i felt like hugging her. And slapping her.
Another interesting conversation in the same episode. (Yes, i get my dose of philosophy from TV series. Problem?) The patient is this famous cancer researcher who quit 8 months ago because her job wasnt making her happy. And is now learning to dance. And cook. The doctors at the hospital are all over her, not able to understand how anyone can do that. One of them used to be a plastic surgeon.
(Note: i made up the dialogs. They have better writers)
Ex-plastics guy: I used to love my job. The money, the hours, the people, everything. I gave all that up for a crappy job, a boss from hell, peanuts for pay. I'm not happy. But you know what, i can go home at night look myself in the mirror and say - i did something worthwhile today.
Ex-cancer-researcher: Yes, i miss that. But it just wasnt enough.
Damn. I always figured if i went after the satisfaction, the happiness would follow. Dont tell me i'll have to look for something that satisfies me AND makes me happy. I'll give everything up and go live in a cave. With wifi. I'll ask for nothing more.
Another interesting conversation in the same episode. (Yes, i get my dose of philosophy from TV series. Problem?) The patient is this famous cancer researcher who quit 8 months ago because her job wasnt making her happy. And is now learning to dance. And cook. The doctors at the hospital are all over her, not able to understand how anyone can do that. One of them used to be a plastic surgeon.
(Note: i made up the dialogs. They have better writers)
Ex-plastics guy: I used to love my job. The money, the hours, the people, everything. I gave all that up for a crappy job, a boss from hell, peanuts for pay. I'm not happy. But you know what, i can go home at night look myself in the mirror and say - i did something worthwhile today.
Ex-cancer-researcher: Yes, i miss that. But it just wasnt enough.
Damn. I always figured if i went after the satisfaction, the happiness would follow. Dont tell me i'll have to look for something that satisfies me AND makes me happy. I'll give everything up and go live in a cave. With wifi. I'll ask for nothing more.
Working from home
Is strange. New.
Is filled with moments, at least in the first couple of days, when you will want to strangle someone and relish watching them die (those more knowledgeable say you get used to living with the feeling).
Is lonely.
Is terribly inefficient. Yahoo Messenger will take you a hour to setup. Mails will take ages to open up. And will be about sweets from near and far, which will make you want to cry.
Is liberating.
Has conference calls in which people will mumble among themselves and unless they address you by name, you can best help things by shutting up and counting sheep.
Corrupts.
Makes you proud once you learn to control temptation. Especially around 2.30 p.m. You'll be able to sit on the bed all day and not give in. By the end of the week, you'll have so gotten over it, you'd think nothing of a 5 minute fling, knowing it will not lead to anything more permanent.
Is not half bad! I think i'm ready to break another leg.
Is filled with moments, at least in the first couple of days, when you will want to strangle someone and relish watching them die (those more knowledgeable say you get used to living with the feeling).
Is lonely.
Is terribly inefficient. Yahoo Messenger will take you a hour to setup. Mails will take ages to open up. And will be about sweets from near and far, which will make you want to cry.
Is liberating.
Has conference calls in which people will mumble among themselves and unless they address you by name, you can best help things by shutting up and counting sheep.
Corrupts.
Makes you proud once you learn to control temptation. Especially around 2.30 p.m. You'll be able to sit on the bed all day and not give in. By the end of the week, you'll have so gotten over it, you'd think nothing of a 5 minute fling, knowing it will not lead to anything more permanent.
Is not half bad! I think i'm ready to break another leg.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
A list (not of the linked variety)
I've been to Essel World. Had almost all my limbs in a cast (fine it was the same hand twice, in my world that counts as two hands). Now if only there could be a small flood outside my house that doesnt kill anyone, because of which we'd have to get out in tiny rowing boats, i can let go of my childhood and start on the business of fulfilling my adult fantasies.
Err... you know what i mean. Although i do wish they could be as clear cut as the childhood ones. The wooly fuzzy ones that i seem to be stuck with, very difficult to put a tick against one and say, yes, this one is done.
Being well on my way to the big 3, a friend asked me if i had a things to do before i turn blah list. I hemmed and hawed because obviously i hadnt thought of it like that, as yet another deadline. (I'm impervious to them, deadlines, they come and go with barely a blip on my existence). He then contributed to the first item on the list - make a list of things you want to do before you turn blah.
Its a good one, that one. Because making a list means you see a future. In which you have the power to do things. Something to work towards, something to tick mark. It means having moments best described by this awesome song from Ru-ba-ru:
यह जो पल, यह पल है सुहाना
जिंदगी जीने का एक छोटा सा बहाना
So yeah, i'll make a list.
Err... you know what i mean. Although i do wish they could be as clear cut as the childhood ones. The wooly fuzzy ones that i seem to be stuck with, very difficult to put a tick against one and say, yes, this one is done.
Being well on my way to the big 3, a friend asked me if i had a things to do before i turn blah list. I hemmed and hawed because obviously i hadnt thought of it like that, as yet another deadline. (I'm impervious to them, deadlines, they come and go with barely a blip on my existence). He then contributed to the first item on the list - make a list of things you want to do before you turn blah.
Its a good one, that one. Because making a list means you see a future. In which you have the power to do things. Something to work towards, something to tick mark. It means having moments best described by this awesome song from Ru-ba-ru:
यह जो पल, यह पल है सुहाना
जिंदगी जीने का एक छोटा सा बहाना
So yeah, i'll make a list.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Yaay! Blogpost material
Says one of the many messages on the cast on my leg. No one should be surprised that i hurt myself, but this one is cool in so many ways, where do i begin?
1. I didnt stumble. Or fall. Or miss a step. And yet within the span of a second there grew a lump of the kind they show in the mug-shots of goiter patients near my ankle.
Happened while i was skipping down the stairs, headed for our Friday bash. Friends gathered around. No one was sure how big ankles really are, so i was made to remove my other shoe so we could compare. Result was non-zero. Went back to my seat and waited for the burger that my Friday bash was reduced to.
2. Was driven to a big hospital in a big car by two big and very kind people.
My uncle tells me i missed Lata Mangeshkar being hospitalized there for a knee replacement surgery by a day. Damn.
3. Where i was wheeled around in a wheel chair! Something about a guy pushing you from behind, i dont know, it gives you a feeling of meeting the world head-on. Bring it on, i wanted to yell to all the curtains we went through, i'm ready for you! Genius that i am, i mastered operating the thing in the two minutes he left me alone with it. I'm ready to yettu podu on it, that is how comfortable i am.
4. One of the doctor's assistants came to look at the x-ray (in which my flat feet dont look flat. At all). He peered at the x-ray, squinted at it, tilted it at all angles, went a few steps back and started at it from a distance and in general spent a lot of time looking for whatever he was looking for in it. I wanted to tell him, what with me being such an expert on all things medical having watched Grey's Anatomy AND House AND err... Scrubs, dude, thats not how the cool ones do it. Just a glance tells them whats in there. He then gave up on the photograph and moved on to the real thing. Poked around the swelling for a while. I really should have accidentally kicked him while i could.
5. I got to see, live and exclusive, the cast being put on my foot! The PoP strips, the cotton, the bandage, the tub of water, all of it! The two other times i was casted, i woke up with the cast. This time i saw the miracle. Blessed are my eyes.
(Reminds me of the first time i had stitches. I was so mad it was my upper lip that was getting stitched. I wanted too see! The second time around it was my finger, i am ashamed to admit it was too chicken to see).
I did embarrass myself by asking him whether my jeans would come off once he put on the cast. I was worried, the only alternative i could see was to live in them for 15 days. It didnt occur to me they could be cut, until one kind man asked me if they were my favourite. Then i wanted to cry.
6. I got crutches!!! From the hospital, on rent, because that foot has a ligament torn and is not to be disturbed until further notice. So much advance thinking and execution is really not me. I am that person who would reach office, keep one foot out and then wonder how to climb up two floors without using the other foot. I dont know what got into me. Whatever it is, i hope it stays.
7. Got delivered home in a car by another kind soul. Even though i'd told them about the cast and the crutches, it was pretty dramatic. The 10 meters i had to walk from the car to the door, i did it with such ease and grace and speed, i could have been walking on four legs all my life.People said so.
8. And now for the best part. The cast has writing all over it! The few hours i spent in office before i could be transported home, i spent guilting people into writing messages on it. Because comments are so precious, i have to reply to them!
Lalit/Mohsin
<insert-name-of-process-that-does-all-the-work> was killed" - Genius. Pure genius. If only it was mirror imaged.
Zarin
Yaay! Blogpost material - Nothing but.
Charuta
Gym mein mat aana - Sob. Naheeeeee! Please? I promise to run on just one leg!
VijayG
!Work from home - too late. People missed the "not" and decided i was desperate enough to write it down.
Pushkar
Get well soon :) - like Zarin said, someone had to say it! Also its the only one my grandfather "got" and it made him happy. So thanks!
Charuta
You are NOT Claire :O - Again, genius. Yes, i know that now.
Nishant
Nerve Panic - Heh. Thats one problem we wont be asking you to reproduce!
Thats it folks. See you in two weeks with hollow armpits, etched out biceps and one very fit leg.
1. I didnt stumble. Or fall. Or miss a step. And yet within the span of a second there grew a lump of the kind they show in the mug-shots of goiter patients near my ankle.
Happened while i was skipping down the stairs, headed for our Friday bash. Friends gathered around. No one was sure how big ankles really are, so i was made to remove my other shoe so we could compare. Result was non-zero. Went back to my seat and waited for the burger that my Friday bash was reduced to.
2. Was driven to a big hospital in a big car by two big and very kind people.
My uncle tells me i missed Lata Mangeshkar being hospitalized there for a knee replacement surgery by a day. Damn.
3. Where i was wheeled around in a wheel chair! Something about a guy pushing you from behind, i dont know, it gives you a feeling of meeting the world head-on. Bring it on, i wanted to yell to all the curtains we went through, i'm ready for you! Genius that i am, i mastered operating the thing in the two minutes he left me alone with it. I'm ready to yettu podu on it, that is how comfortable i am.
4. One of the doctor's assistants came to look at the x-ray (in which my flat feet dont look flat. At all). He peered at the x-ray, squinted at it, tilted it at all angles, went a few steps back and started at it from a distance and in general spent a lot of time looking for whatever he was looking for in it. I wanted to tell him, what with me being such an expert on all things medical having watched Grey's Anatomy AND House AND err... Scrubs, dude, thats not how the cool ones do it. Just a glance tells them whats in there. He then gave up on the photograph and moved on to the real thing. Poked around the swelling for a while. I really should have accidentally kicked him while i could.
5. I got to see, live and exclusive, the cast being put on my foot! The PoP strips, the cotton, the bandage, the tub of water, all of it! The two other times i was casted, i woke up with the cast. This time i saw the miracle. Blessed are my eyes.
(Reminds me of the first time i had stitches. I was so mad it was my upper lip that was getting stitched. I wanted too see! The second time around it was my finger, i am ashamed to admit it was too chicken to see).
I did embarrass myself by asking him whether my jeans would come off once he put on the cast. I was worried, the only alternative i could see was to live in them for 15 days. It didnt occur to me they could be cut, until one kind man asked me if they were my favourite. Then i wanted to cry.
6. I got crutches!!! From the hospital, on rent, because that foot has a ligament torn and is not to be disturbed until further notice. So much advance thinking and execution is really not me. I am that person who would reach office, keep one foot out and then wonder how to climb up two floors without using the other foot. I dont know what got into me. Whatever it is, i hope it stays.
7. Got delivered home in a car by another kind soul. Even though i'd told them about the cast and the crutches, it was pretty dramatic. The 10 meters i had to walk from the car to the door, i did it with such ease and grace and speed, i could have been walking on four legs all my life.People said so.
8. And now for the best part. The cast has writing all over it! The few hours i spent in office before i could be transported home, i spent guilting people into writing messages on it. Because comments are so precious, i have to reply to them!
Lalit/Mohsin
<insert-name-of-process-that-does-all-the-work> was killed" - Genius. Pure genius. If only it was mirror imaged.
Zarin
Yaay! Blogpost material - Nothing but.
Charuta
Gym mein mat aana - Sob. Naheeeeee! Please? I promise to run on just one leg!
VijayG
!Work from home - too late. People missed the "not" and decided i was desperate enough to write it down.
Pushkar
Get well soon :) - like Zarin said, someone had to say it! Also its the only one my grandfather "got" and it made him happy. So thanks!
Charuta
You are NOT Claire :O - Again, genius. Yes, i know that now.
Nishant
Nerve Panic - Heh. Thats one problem we wont be asking you to reproduce!
Thats it folks. See you in two weeks with hollow armpits, etched out biceps and one very fit leg.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Words that wont leave me alone
Tujhe kya gham teri rishta
Gagan ki baansuri se hain
Pavan ki guftgu se hain
Sooraj ki roshni se hain
They make me want to fly, these words.
Daraaein daraarein hain maathe pe maula
Marramat mukkadar ki kar do maula
Did you see how beautifully he just called Him a mechanic?
Thoda sa resham, tu humdum
thoda sa kurdura
kabhi daud ja ya lad ja
ya khusboo se bhara
Tujhe badalna na chahoon ratti bhar bhi sanam
Bina sajawat, milawat, na jayada na hi kam
I earlier heard bina sajawat as tera sajawat. I liked it better then. Even your imperfections are perfect.
And, zari wala neela aasman. Sigh.
If i can create something that beautiful once, i'll quietly go.
I did briefly fantasize out loud about becoming a writer a couple of days ago. In it i alternate between writing goosebumps-inducing poetry and lol comedies like TBBT. People around me soon bought me back to reality. Didnt exactly help because i then went on to dream about becoming the President of the Unites States.
Gagan ki baansuri se hain
Pavan ki guftgu se hain
Sooraj ki roshni se hain
They make me want to fly, these words.
Daraaein daraarein hain maathe pe maula
Marramat mukkadar ki kar do maula
Did you see how beautifully he just called Him a mechanic?
Thoda sa resham, tu humdum
thoda sa kurdura
kabhi daud ja ya lad ja
ya khusboo se bhara
Tujhe badalna na chahoon ratti bhar bhi sanam
Bina sajawat, milawat, na jayada na hi kam
I earlier heard bina sajawat as tera sajawat. I liked it better then. Even your imperfections are perfect.
And, zari wala neela aasman. Sigh.
If i can create something that beautiful once, i'll quietly go.
I did briefly fantasize out loud about becoming a writer a couple of days ago. In it i alternate between writing goosebumps-inducing poetry and lol comedies like TBBT. People around me soon bought me back to reality. Didnt exactly help because i then went on to dream about becoming the President of the Unites States.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Conversations, imagined or otherwise
"There is no running away from it, we are all connected" he says."Remember those Venn diagrams we used to draw in school? With the hatched portions where A meets B? Why do you run away from the intersections?"
"The intersections are never me", she says. "A meets me, but its always more A than me. I'm not saying A does it on purpose. But i just make it so easy."
"It doesnt have to be that way, you know? Their lives are as connected to yours as yours are to theirs. Look at the intersections as a means to spreading your influence, to getting what you want while still staying connected. Its not a battleground where only one can survive. Not always."
"I dont know", she says with a confused shake, "its been a while since i've seen the positives of caring or being cared for."
"The intersections are never me", she says. "A meets me, but its always more A than me. I'm not saying A does it on purpose. But i just make it so easy."
"It doesnt have to be that way, you know? Their lives are as connected to yours as yours are to theirs. Look at the intersections as a means to spreading your influence, to getting what you want while still staying connected. Its not a battleground where only one can survive. Not always."
"I dont know", she says with a confused shake, "its been a while since i've seen the positives of caring or being cared for."
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Growth
Seems like just yesterday that i helped that little kid open an email account. Today, he tells me about torrent sites that work better than the ones i frequent. Watching someone grow up is supposed to be bittersweet, but i dont see it in this. (As long as i get my fix of illegal entertainment, i suppose...).
What is bittersweet is first proudly watching parents from another generation brilliantly incorporate the Internet into their everyday lives. From Solitaire to Yahoo Messenger to online share trading to blogs. And then watch them use it to research illnesses that plague them and the ones around them. For a generation that is bought up to see doctors as the last resort, someone you go to with one kidney hanging out, i'm not sure this empowerment will do much good.
What is bittersweet is first proudly watching parents from another generation brilliantly incorporate the Internet into their everyday lives. From Solitaire to Yahoo Messenger to online share trading to blogs. And then watch them use it to research illnesses that plague them and the ones around them. For a generation that is bought up to see doctors as the last resort, someone you go to with one kidney hanging out, i'm not sure this empowerment will do much good.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Coming soon to a multiplex near you
If you live in Maharashtra, that is. Yes, i acted in a move!! My debut film! How cool is that? So what if its a regional one, Maharashtra is a pretty big region. Before i get into the business of crowing about it, here is the scene.
Version 1:
(aka Mahabharata as told through the eyes of the cockroach that lived on kurukshetra grounds)
Atul Kulkarni and some heroine open the glass door and enter the hall, talking. The camera is on them, but doesnt seem particularly interested. It wanders around, taking in the background. And then, it sees me! And two others, walking the perfect walk (okayed in one take, okay?) Torn between staying faithful to the principal characters and following the more interesting ones, the camera totters for a bit. Convention wins, and the camera settles on the principle characters with an audible sigh.
Version 2:
(aka Mahabharta, the official version)
Atul kulkarni and the heroine open the glass door and enter the hall, talking. General people walk around in the background. One of them is me.
I had decided, after the shoot, to be all calm and mature and indifferent about it. But it wasnt much fun. Now i dream of me on the movie poster, me getting my big break because some director watching the movie notices my face in the crowd (a friend put this one in my head, yes, i have friends like that), me in filmfare interviews...
Some highlights (because i'm too bored to join sentences)
- out of the 5 chosen ones, only 1 or 3 were Maharashtrians depending on how you define the term. So the assistant would describe our role (there was a whole lot of describing going on, given that all we had to do was walk) and would not have walked two steps when the one non-Maharashtrian-no-matter-how-you-describe-the-term would pipe up - Kya bole usne? I was sure there would be some MNS types around who'd get us all kicked out, insisting on Marathi crowd in a Marathi film.
- Reliable sources report that the one non-Maharashtrian-no-matter-how-you-describe-the-term is the current favourite for the best debut by a non Marathi actress in a Marathi movie award. Yay! Another party!
Almost forgot. Its Mukti. If we make it to the finals, i will insist you watch.
Version 1:
(aka Mahabharata as told through the eyes of the cockroach that lived on kurukshetra grounds)
Atul Kulkarni and some heroine open the glass door and enter the hall, talking. The camera is on them, but doesnt seem particularly interested. It wanders around, taking in the background. And then, it sees me! And two others, walking the perfect walk (okayed in one take, okay?) Torn between staying faithful to the principal characters and following the more interesting ones, the camera totters for a bit. Convention wins, and the camera settles on the principle characters with an audible sigh.
Version 2:
(aka Mahabharta, the official version)
Atul kulkarni and the heroine open the glass door and enter the hall, talking. General people walk around in the background. One of them is me.
I had decided, after the shoot, to be all calm and mature and indifferent about it. But it wasnt much fun. Now i dream of me on the movie poster, me getting my big break because some director watching the movie notices my face in the crowd (a friend put this one in my head, yes, i have friends like that), me in filmfare interviews...
Some highlights (because i'm too bored to join sentences)
- out of the 5 chosen ones, only 1 or 3 were Maharashtrians depending on how you define the term. So the assistant would describe our role (there was a whole lot of describing going on, given that all we had to do was walk) and would not have walked two steps when the one non-Maharashtrian-no-matter-how-you-describe-the-term would pipe up - Kya bole usne? I was sure there would be some MNS types around who'd get us all kicked out, insisting on Marathi crowd in a Marathi film.
- Reliable sources report that the one non-Maharashtrian-no-matter-how-you-describe-the-term is the current favourite for the best debut by a non Marathi actress in a Marathi movie award. Yay! Another party!
Almost forgot. Its Mukti. If we make it to the finals, i will insist you watch.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Which version wins?
A teeny tiny funny thing happened yesterday. And since nothing feels really real until i tell my blog about it, here i am. (Which reminds me, i havent yet told you i acted in a movie, have i? It be coming right up!) Only, inspired by people i told it to, my head made up two versions of what happened. I couldnt pick one, so i present to you,
Sunny side up
She leaves at the end of a long, exhausting, not particularly fruitful day, bike keys in one hand and the phone in the other. In the parking lot, she puts the keys in her ear and looks for the opening in the bike where the phone goes in.
And here is where it becomes really inexplicable, she turns the keys.
Dark matter
She leaves at the end of a long, exhausting, not particularly fruitful day, bike keys in one hand and the phone in the other. In the parking lot, she puts the keys to her ear and looks for an opening in the bike where the phone can be inserted. She turns the keys in her ear, hoping she wont have to resort to kick starting. She tries the key a few times, but it seems stuck. She tries jamming it in. There is blood, but it doesnt quite register. She is just trying to start the bike, why would there be blood? She falls over, wondering where all the pain is coming from. Just as she passes out, the phone begins to ring...
Sunny side up
She leaves at the end of a long, exhausting, not particularly fruitful day, bike keys in one hand and the phone in the other. In the parking lot, she puts the keys in her ear and looks for the opening in the bike where the phone goes in.
And here is where it becomes really inexplicable, she turns the keys.
Dark matter
She leaves at the end of a long, exhausting, not particularly fruitful day, bike keys in one hand and the phone in the other. In the parking lot, she puts the keys to her ear and looks for an opening in the bike where the phone can be inserted. She turns the keys in her ear, hoping she wont have to resort to kick starting. She tries the key a few times, but it seems stuck. She tries jamming it in. There is blood, but it doesnt quite register. She is just trying to start the bike, why would there be blood? She falls over, wondering where all the pain is coming from. Just as she passes out, the phone begins to ring...
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Happy new year and other nonsense
One glimpse of your own mortality is all it takes to stop making fun of the old.
No, that wasnt about death. But about empathy. So from today, i'll stop with the jokes. At least for today. I dont think i can control what comes out of my mouth very well any more. Strange, i always saw myself as one of the quieter ones, as one who had to make efforts to speak, not make efforts to shut up.
More such discoveries about myself are leading me to believe that i havent been stress tested enough. While my behaviour during normal times is well defined, there is no saying where the bugs will come out from once you bring on the stress.
Happy new year was celebrated with the discovery of not a bug in my code, but a monster.
No, that wasnt about death. But about empathy. So from today, i'll stop with the jokes. At least for today. I dont think i can control what comes out of my mouth very well any more. Strange, i always saw myself as one of the quieter ones, as one who had to make efforts to speak, not make efforts to shut up.
More such discoveries about myself are leading me to believe that i havent been stress tested enough. While my behaviour during normal times is well defined, there is no saying where the bugs will come out from once you bring on the stress.
Happy new year was celebrated with the discovery of not a bug in my code, but a monster.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Crackers for the soul
A little rat. Scurrying around the house, nibbling whatever it can lay its two front teeth on. Never finishing off what it started, the size of the find far exceeding its capacity. Never going back to finish either, because who wants to eat rat-bitten stuff? Until it begins to see the waste. If only food came in smaller portions, it sighs.
So i went and bought me a book on short stories. Called (ironically enough, no wait, i'm not sure this is irony. Strangely enough? Coincidentally? Inappropriately? Ahh, i think i'll go with that) The Cats Pyjamas.
One short story later. I dont think i've got the hang of reading short stories. I keep expecting the last sentence to deliver some kind of a punch. To go with a bang, not to fade slowly into the sunset.
So i went and bought me a book on short stories. Called (ironically enough, no wait, i'm not sure this is irony. Strangely enough? Coincidentally? Inappropriately? Ahh, i think i'll go with that) The Cats Pyjamas.
One short story later. I dont think i've got the hang of reading short stories. I keep expecting the last sentence to deliver some kind of a punch. To go with a bang, not to fade slowly into the sunset.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I twitter on my blog
(because no one reads my twitter. Not even me.)
All you need to get lost in the web is a starting point.
What if you are not suitable for the kind of life you want? NSFL. Heh.
What is it with bookstores keeping the sci-fi section next to the romance section? <An aaha! moment later> Are both meant for dreamers? For people who want an escape from reality?
Its a good thing credit card companies consider me not stable enough for a card. With Wikipedia asking for support, what other excuse do i have for not extending some?
Somedays at work make you feel like the Kitty to a brilliant Karamchand.
There is a comfort in seeing poeple online on weekends. Hum panchi ek daal ke kind of comfort.
They are sharing a drink called lonliness,
but its better than drinking alone
Oh la la la ...
You miss the ones who arent green, even if you never talk to them when they are. You begin to wonder, did they finally get a life?
All you need to get lost in the web is a starting point.
What if you are not suitable for the kind of life you want? NSFL. Heh.
What is it with bookstores keeping the sci-fi section next to the romance section? <An aaha! moment later> Are both meant for dreamers? For people who want an escape from reality?
Its a good thing credit card companies consider me not stable enough for a card. With Wikipedia asking for support, what other excuse do i have for not extending some?
Somedays at work make you feel like the Kitty to a brilliant Karamchand.
There is a comfort in seeing poeple online on weekends. Hum panchi ek daal ke kind of comfort.
They are sharing a drink called lonliness,
but its better than drinking alone
Oh la la la ...
You miss the ones who arent green, even if you never talk to them when they are. You begin to wonder, did they finally get a life?
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Still on TV
<rant> It is starting to look like i've found a cause. I am apparently the person who raises her voice against Incorrect Portrayal of Indians on American Television. TBBT is the latest series to evoke my wrath. Dont get me wrong. I have nothing against them introducing Rajesh Koothrappali as a caricature Indian and making the usual jokes about over population and arranged marriages. (Was there a one on us being cheap?) I even laugh when they are funny. What gets to me is the little details that they mess up. If I were to assign marks to the following based on their likelihood,
I realize its a comedy show. I realize these small inconsistencies do not take away anything from the enjoyment for most people watching the show. I do not believe everyone in the world should know their India basics (I was surprised at all the indignation flowing when years ago George Bush, while running for President, didnt know who the Indian PM was. Why should he?). But for people who care enough to hire people especially to get the physics right, who plan to have an actual problem being solved on Sheldon's board through the season, why overlook such tiny things that any Indian over the age of 10 will laugh at? </rant>
With that out of my system, i shall now get to drooling over the series. Great fun! And very very precious, now that i'm out of fresh stock for almost everything i watch. One joke that redeemed the arranged marriage episode for me:
(Raj is over at Leonard and Sheldon's place, voice chatting with his parents)
Papa: If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid the monsoon season
Raj: Spring Wedding!
Mummy: Its up to you, we dont want to meddle
Raj: If you dont want to meddle then why are you medding?
Sheldon: If i may, you parents probably dont consider this meddling. While arranged marriages are no longer the norm, Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children's love lives.
Raj: (irritated) Why are you telling me about my own culture?
Sheldon: Because... you seem confused.
Touche.
- Rajesh Koothrappali is from Delhi
- Rajesh Koothrappali calls his parents mummy and papa in what i understand to be a North Indian accent
- Rajesh Koothrappali's parents live in Delhi but pronounce Punjab an PUnjab
- Rajesh Koothrappali's parents are trying to arrange his marriage with a nice PUnjabi girl called Lalita Gupta
I realize its a comedy show. I realize these small inconsistencies do not take away anything from the enjoyment for most people watching the show. I do not believe everyone in the world should know their India basics (I was surprised at all the indignation flowing when years ago George Bush, while running for President, didnt know who the Indian PM was. Why should he?). But for people who care enough to hire people especially to get the physics right, who plan to have an actual problem being solved on Sheldon's board through the season, why overlook such tiny things that any Indian over the age of 10 will laugh at? </rant>
With that out of my system, i shall now get to drooling over the series. Great fun! And very very precious, now that i'm out of fresh stock for almost everything i watch. One joke that redeemed the arranged marriage episode for me:
(Raj is over at Leonard and Sheldon's place, voice chatting with his parents)
Papa: If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid the monsoon season
Raj: Spring Wedding!
Mummy: Its up to you, we dont want to meddle
Raj: If you dont want to meddle then why are you medding?
Sheldon: If i may, you parents probably dont consider this meddling. While arranged marriages are no longer the norm, Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children's love lives.
Raj: (irritated) Why are you telling me about my own culture?
Sheldon: Because... you seem confused.
Touche.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Be Right Back
Three posts in the drafting stage. Not one i can sit with long enough to finish.
So many "good" movies i ought to watch, but 3 hours of undivided attention is asking for too much of someone as bloated up as i am on a diet of 20 and 45 minute TV shows.
Books i guess are the worst hit. I still religiously go to the library, see stuff i would have liked in another lifetime, and get it home. Only to return it unopened. And mostly late. Other than a P.G Wodehouse or a Terry Pratchett, there is no other book i can reasonably guarantee i'll even open.
People i havent called up in an unforgiveably long time.
Places i have declined to go to.
I can of course blame it all on work. On the tending towards insane hours, on being called on holidays and weekends. But i know its more than that. Its like someone injected me with a giant syringe full of indifference. It is slowly spreading all over, and one by one the systems are shutting down. (Yes, too much medical drama in my diet). The only functions that are untouched yet are work, TV and strangely enough, the gym.
Now that most TV shows are on an unscheduled (and in my humble opinion illegal) break, the silver lining seeker in me hopes some of the above will rush in to fill the vaccum created.
On the other hand, i have been known to say BRB when i actually mean GTG.
So many "good" movies i ought to watch, but 3 hours of undivided attention is asking for too much of someone as bloated up as i am on a diet of 20 and 45 minute TV shows.
Books i guess are the worst hit. I still religiously go to the library, see stuff i would have liked in another lifetime, and get it home. Only to return it unopened. And mostly late. Other than a P.G Wodehouse or a Terry Pratchett, there is no other book i can reasonably guarantee i'll even open.
People i havent called up in an unforgiveably long time.
Places i have declined to go to.
I can of course blame it all on work. On the tending towards insane hours, on being called on holidays and weekends. But i know its more than that. Its like someone injected me with a giant syringe full of indifference. It is slowly spreading all over, and one by one the systems are shutting down. (Yes, too much medical drama in my diet). The only functions that are untouched yet are work, TV and strangely enough, the gym.
Now that most TV shows are on an unscheduled (and in my humble opinion illegal) break, the silver lining seeker in me hopes some of the above will rush in to fill the vaccum created.
On the other hand, i have been known to say BRB when i actually mean GTG.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Let the goose that lays golden eggs lay the eggs
There is no better way to "feel the love" than to pass through the comments section on various torrent sites. The ones that deliver, i mean. People are falling over themselves to thank the uploader, bless him, take his dog out for a walk, just anything for for the pleasure of being able to watch that movie or this episode of that TV series. Of course, the fact that they only have to type out their gratitude makes them promise more than would actually care to deliver if it came to that, but i have a feeling a lot of them mean what they say. And i can understand the love overflowing, but people, you have to be careful you dont drown the poor guy! The best example of what i'm trying to say are the <* I go for axxo but you can fill in the name of your favourite uploader here> for president! messages. To the people posting such messages. I understand you think just about anyone would be an improvement. I understand what axxo has bought to your life few others will. I understand you want to share the sense of happiness and fulfillment. But please, think for a minute. If axxo becomes president and goes around saving the world** with the same dedication and sincerity with which he rips movies, where will we go for our daily fix?
* Yippie! I finally remembered before publishing a post that angular brackets wont work.
** Yes, its the Heroes effect. Even the apple i eat somehow saves the world. Eat the apple, save the world.
* Yippie! I finally remembered before publishing a post that angular brackets wont work.
** Yes, its the Heroes effect. Even the apple i eat somehow saves the world. Eat the apple, save the world.
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