The end

of the year, haha. I am not going anywhere, sorry to dash your hopes.

Yesterday was my first 12 hour day at work, which means i'm settling in? I'm not, though, and when people ask me i tell them nope, not settled yet and then they dont know where to look. All crazy people, lots and lots of Malayalees (not my fault if you correlate the two). The only reason i mention that again is that my inner voice now speaks with a Malayalee accent. Most irritating it is (its not personal, you understand, Malayalee accent is one of my favourites), but its my inner voice, you know. This one time when i was ODing on American TV shows, my inner voice switched to an American accent. I was terrified it would come out and then I would be one of the people with an unnecessary accent that i laugh at.

My back has given up again, i cant wear a helmet without feeling that my head will wobble off. So on most days, the car it is. And since the dude refuses to get a music system for it, i drive to my inner voice running a live commentary on the idiocy of my fellow travelers. The mad way they honk and yell if i take 2 seconds to start my car - oh shut up &#^^%$ dont you remember a time when you were just starting to drive? Or if they wait patiently for me to move - dont you patronize me you *&^@*$&^, if i'm being a nuisance, tell me. All in a Malayalee accent. Fun.

I have today and Monday off, i didnt ask why. It just stopped drizzling and the weather is glorious. There is a cook who is doing the cooking (she speaks English! I dont know how to process that). No one has asked me about "new year plans". Life, is good.

One week later

Well, it only been 3 days, but i'm not complaining! Weekends are most welcome anytime. (In theory. In practice, i still dont know what to do with them.)

Bullet points (since i'm all over the place and dont think coherence will come)

- Teething troubles, as expected. Although at the end of day 1, i did get to get home the best laptop i've ever had! Which, if you've met the laptops i've had, is not saying much. I'll try that again. At the end of day 1, i got to get home a good laptop.

- I'm like a small town girl seeing the big city sights for the first time, as far as free stuff in the office is concerned. It'll be a while before i get used to It'll be a while before i stop grinning stupidly at my laptop or the headphones or the rows and rows of biscuits or the fruits or the fridge.

- They have two buildings across the street from one another. There is the safe boring way of crossing over (by taking the overhead bridge) and the unsafe interesting way that involves crossing the two halves of MG road and climbing over 3 feet walls and wading through trash. Obviously, i do the interesting. The problem is, the moment i stand at the side of the road, all autowallas in the vicinity rush to me, because obviously a girl will not be stupid enough to try to cross over. I have to keep shaking my head at them.

- Did you know that autos and rickshaws are two different things? I use them interchangeably, and if i had a rupee for every time someone explained to me that rickshaws are a thing of the past, well, i'd probably be able to buy a polo.

- People in the office are actually friendly. Which is unexpected. When confronted with a new joinee, my natural reaction is to ignore them and nod politely when ignoring is no longer viable. Under no circumstances do i try small talk, because i run out of it after sentence two and then we are in a far more awkward position that before. Of all the things that terrify me in life, running out of things to say is pretty high up on the list.

- People in the office are also Malayalee. And given that i absorb accents and mannerisms like a sponge, you will very soon find me speaking Tamil with a Telugu accent, Telugu with a Tamil accent and English with a Malayalee accent.

- People in the office also think nothing of singing Kolaveri out loud for no particular reason.

- I still need a gym.

Employed

This doesnt feel like news, but since i announced my impending unemployment from rooftops and then went on and on about it, driving a van with a loudspeaker through your head, i suppose i should also say that i have a job. From tomorrow, i'll be bringing home the bacon. (Which, if taken literally, might be as useful as the money i bring. No one seems to want my money. Not even me).

So, yes, job. I cant get excited about it. Probably because the process was crap. And it didnt exactly end well. But, its taught me stuff. Never again am i going to be so unprepared that i will need two months just to get confident enough to go for an interview. I now know that i am not as bad at them as i thought i would be. Oh, there are things i need to get better at, and this process has shone the spotlight on them, for which i am grateful. But as the dude says, this is only the beginning.

What the hell is wrong with me i dont know. I was more cheerful when i was unemployed!

On flying

Confession: If you get the feeling that the crap here is crappier than usual, you might not be entirely wrong. I get the feeling that i have lowered my blogable-material threshold. This might be because i happened to look at the blog archive and discovered that this is my worst year, quantity wise. Or it might be because i am jobless. Whichever it is, kindly adjust.

In all my life i have never flown as much as i have flown this year. (Hell, i have probably never traveled as much as i have this year). What all that frequent flying* has done is make me realize another aspect of the awesomeness of trains. See, if i  were traveling to Bangalore by train, it'd take me 18 hours or so to get me here. All the time in the world to get used to the idea that i am going to a different city, different people. I'll have time to mentally prepare myself to be Vinaya@Bangalore. Whereas by flight, all i get is an hour and a half, and i spend most of that sleeping. I've done this to and fro so many times now, but even now i lose about a day orienting myself to my new surroundings. Instead of feeling i belong to two places***, for a day or two, i feel like i belong nowhere. 


* This travel website says i get a free ipad** if i make two more bookings with them by the end of the year! Not that i particularly want an ipad, but for free? I'll take your used chappals also happily.

** An ipad has casually entered at made itself at home at my Pune-home. I dont know when we became those people. In fact when i landed, my dad opened the door with the ipad in hand! He had been trying to book flight tickets for his 82 year old friend. I took it from like a big know it all, booked the ticket, and then discovered that there is no way to print the ticket from it. Not a big deal, you want to tell me, you can get tickets printed at the airport, but try convincing an 82 year old to go to the airport without a ticket. Not happening without DNA transplant. I called up bhai to yell at him (all Apply product failures he is of course personally responsible for), but he got extremely defensive and asked me to shut up and throw the ipad away if i didnt like what it did.

*** Reminds me of my second favourite story about this cousin of mine. When she was young, she went and demanded of her mother - "why do you call my father's mom and dad as mom and dad? Dont you have your own mom and dad?" To which her mom explained that after marriage, women get two sets of parents. She digested that for a bit and came back with - "So if i marry two people, i'll get three sets of parents??"

I want my money back!

Statutory warning: Rant. I wash my hands off it. Take it seriously at your own peril.

Its not fair. Not only does he get to be in another country, he gets to meet long lost friends like the Statue of Liberty and this madam, who then proceeds to invite him for lunch! Whereas me, who hasnt seen her since 2006 and the statue of liberty since forever, gets to sit in the same old country and there is no way to end that sentence without including positive things about my life right now, which would take away from the sting of the rant, so i'm going to put a full stop right about now. There. And my friends, who made me write teary eyed farewell mails, who gave me goodbye cards with heartfelt wishes (like - "good luck wishes"), who insisted they will miss me, who havent seen me for a whole month now, cant even decide whether to meet me for breakfast! (Aaha! Lightbulb! So this is what "you will be missed" means - even if you come back and we have a chance to meet, we will miss meeting you. Hmpf). I have decided to drown my sorrows by watching Rockstar and Tintin. I tried getting some nephews and nieces and cousins to come along, but somewhere between the time i was in 10th standard and now, watching a movie that will go away in another week at the most has become less urgent than studying for board exams more than 3 months away. To top it all off, i have the prospect of an interview or four hanging on my head ALL THE TIME. It all depends on how well the guy i sent some code to two days ago (two days ago! how long does it take to look at code, yo?) likes it, and so if i were to be the prudent and responsible version of me, i should be preparing for the future i want, not whining about the present that isnt.



P.S. I couldnt tell you what my 10th standard was like in the rant, because again, it wasnt fitting in with the theme. Mine was a wake up at 5 a.m. everyday to study kind of 10th standard. I dont know what i did waking up at 5, but whatever it was it didnt feel like enough. There were rumours of this guy in the other section who woke up at 3.30 to study. And who had already finished the syllabus by August or some such ridiculously early month. TV and movies were things that happened to other people. But, good times all the same.

The folks less travelled: Coonoor

I have a confession to make. More to myself than to anyone else. I'm not a travel person. I love the idea of getting away from it all, for sometime being someone else someplace else, who doesnt, but the actual details of when to go where to go how to go put me off. To top it off, the husband (who shall hereafter be called the dude) is the kind of person who needs all reservations signed in triplicate. And my meticulousness stops miles before that stage, i can take off on the promise of a bed and breakfast. In short, details are the devil.

I'd been toying around with the idea of going somewhere for a few weeks. More by accident than design, i'd been traveling every month since i got married and September was about to end and i hadnt gone anywhere! I couldnt just let that be. So i bought out my 52 weekend destinations in Bangalore and flipped through the pages looking for possibilities. I skipped past Ooty several times, i mean, such a cliche, but then i remembered Bhai (who shall hereafter be called Bhai) raving about this place near Ooty he'd been to with Black Swan. I called him for details and he got terribly excited and all i could make out was Coonoor! Jose! Kotagiri! He had Shishir call me some time later who was fortunately more coherent. He gave me a few options and then asked if Bhai had talked to me about Jose's place in Coonoor. I said he might have been trying to. Shishir said, its a homestay, one of the best. A bit over your budget, but unbeatable. He went as far as to say if you dont like it, i'll refund your costs! I called up Bhai, who was still not very coherent. For his sake, we decided to go to Jose's.

And ooh my God. Whenever anyone tells you about Jose's, they will probably tell you the same thing. Its a house on top of a hill. With a 360 degrees view. During the day you can see green hills all around. And during the night, you can see lights from 3 different cities - Coonoor, Ooty and Kotagiri, each on their own hill. But words dont do justice to the view. At least mine wont, so i'll just say its unbelievable and stop at that.

We reached there in the afternoon. After a delicious lunch cooked by Jose's wife Sindhu, we made big plans of what to do with our two days. We decided to go see the dam after a short nap and then go down to Coonoor. Right. Overnight journey followed by awesome lunch, short nap indeed! And to top it off, it started to rain a few minutes after we went into our room. I cannot tell you how much i love lying on a bed just staring out at the falling rain. Apparently not more than i love to sleep, though. When we woke up, it was evening. So we ditched the dam and went to Coonoor. Lower Coonoor was noisy and crowded so we escaped to Upper Coonoor. Walked around and had random things for dinner. Jose picked us up on his way back from somewhere and deposited us home. Where hot Ooty tea and roasted cashews were waiting for us. We stayed out for a very long time, enjoying the distant city lights, the silence, the night sky (this is where the dude introduced me to Google Sky and for the first time, i fell in love with an App), and each others company.

The next day was the day of the dam. We overslept. Again. But that didnt stop us from going on pre-breakfast walk down the hill. Got back and did full justice to Sindhu's appam and stew. And then we set off for the dam. Despite asking for directions from many people, we just couldnt find the damn thing. But everything was so pretty, we really didnt mind. Finally, following authoritative directions from some locals, we followed a track in the woods. And came across a clearing where a really tall tree had gone horizontal. There it was, lying across the way, welcoming one and all to sit on it. And we did. Well, the dude did. I lay down on it, looking up at the blue sky, at other gently swaying trees, who to tell you the truth, appeared slightly drunk. And i learnt that i need to learn to shut up at such moments. Every few seconds I'd get terribly excited, grin like crazy, shake the dude and tell him - this is so awesome!

We had to leave. Much too soon. We did see the dam and few monkeys but it was an anti-climax. We got back, picked up our stuff and said goodbye to Jose, Sindhu, their two boys and the star of the trip - their home. I wont tell you the story of their home, it is much more interesting hearing it from them, but i'll tell you this - it showed me the difference between constructing a house and building a home.

Interviews!

Prospective employers seem to read my blog. (Which may not be such a good thing in the long run, but i'm going to pretend this run is short). The interviews have begun! Just got back from my first job interview in 9 years and my throat is dry and my body parts are shaking and i cut and ate a whole musk melon by myself but all that only shows that i am alive, right?

The dude has flown to the US for god knows what so i am home alone. (Well, as alone as you can be with a houseful of people). But as long as there are interviews to prepare for, (i dont want to say the next part but its true) who cares? All i do is use him as a cheat sheet for questions i am stuck at, and that i can do with him sitting there too. I really really want this phase to end so we can start figuring out what to do with "free time".

Okay, i will now go bury my head in the Internet and prepare for the next one. Wish me luck, y'all!

I might regret this

Dear prospective employers,

I write this to you just in case you are not sold on my loaded with awesomeness resume (which seems to be the case, not even an interview call, what the hell is going on?). I really need a job for the following reasons:

1. I need a free gym to go to
The ones around me are insanely expensive and not suited to my lifestyle which at least until now included long vacations trips to Pune. I am bloating up! And i have never been great at the do it at home yourself kind. Come to think of it, the only kind that has worked for me is the kind where i pay through my nose, so i'd rather not think of it.

2. The kitchen needs to see less of me
Really. All sorts of things have been happening to it since i got here. I have been explaining them away as coincidences and unfortunate accidents but i think suspicions have take root.

3. I need to not get used to afternoon sleep.
See, you will employ me, one day or another. Better do it now before i get used to afternoon sleep and spend two months on the job trying to get rid of the habit.

4. I need a social life.
Well, i dont really feel the need for it, which is scarier if you ask me. So, gimme people before i give up on them altogether and become a kitchen hermit. Please.

I hope this letter argues for my case better than my resume did.

Thanking you,
Yours sincerely,

Vinaya


P.S. I hope this letter finds you in good health and cheer.

Random

Metallica was here yesterday. So was bhai on his bullet. Guess which of them i got to see. I did briefly consider going to see the band, but when i couldnt name any song other than Nothing Else Matters, i decided to leave them alone and stay at home. One concert, one live concert is all i'm asking of you, stupid Bengalooru! That, and a job, of course.
On the same day, i graduated to playing songs on the keyboard. Sun oye Metallica, you might have a lead, but its not going to take me very long to catch up. Twinkle, twinkle little star, i will rock you like you have never been rocked before! As soon as i figure out which finger goes where.

The job hunt is not going places. I alternate between telling myself i will be patient (its only been a week) and applying for a delivery job at the nearby Dominoes. Which i might not get, given my knowledge, or lack thereof, of the streets of this city. Its all 5th Cross and 6th Main and oh, how i miss names like Vainu Bappu marg and the 2 Senapati Bapat roads i crossed to get to work.

The kindle is back in action! A huge collection of ebooks has been discovered by the dude, and if only i didnt turn into such a complete wreck at the very idea of giving interviews, i would right now be deep into one of them. Or many of them, i cant pick! I want all! But, no. As soon as i am done with this post, i shall go back to K&R. Which is why you might find me rambling a bit more than prudent.

I dont remember when i last read K&R, but i have underlined and drawn stars and written things in pencil all over it. Most of those things i now know, so it makes me feel like the years have added up to something, after all. I may not have bought about world peace, or improved lives or even figured out what to do with mine, but i do know why *++argv works. And you cant take that away from me.

I am going to, today, for the first time ever, lads and lasses, get a car out on my own and go pick up the dude! Wish me luck, wish the car luck, wish Bangalore luck, but most of all, wish him luck!

This is it

It was today. My last day at work. My last review. Whew! Last lunch with whats left of the gang. Ate like a pig. Again. Certainly not for the last time! My last mail to all. I wrote two lines but L, M and Z blackmailed me into making it longer. The last time i went looking for a sensor. My last snack hour. Gifts! My last speech. Which i didnt give. The last ice cream t Naturals, its become a sort of last day tradition now. On our way back, i was asked for the nth time how i was feeling. And i said - it feels like someone else's farewell. And it did. I think its a kind of self preservation mechanism developed by the mind. Its like the mind has decided - yeh bahut bada patthar hai, apne se nahi uthega, chal side se nikal chalte hain. Which worked fine till we reached the parking lot and it was time for final goodbyes.

Instead of going all soppy again, i paste for you (but more for me) the last mail.



Hi All,

Everyone expects me to ramble (after all, one who rambles on Birthday mails can ramble on anything), so i'm keeping this short. The last 5 years have been good, and if the next place i go to gives me as much laughter and learning as this one, i shall be very lucky indeed.

Keep in touch and all the best.

Thank you all,
Vinaya



P.S. Gotcha! Turns out I cant be brief in writing, even if i wanted to. This is my second job, and when i joined 5 years ago, i wondered if it would be as fulfilling as the first. Induction went on for a month and at the end of it, i was more than ready to jump in. For my first "feature" someone (who shall remain unnamed) came to talk to me and started off with - "Do you know about hash tables?" I couldnt believe it was okay to not to know them, and i'm sure some of the disbelief showed on my face. Which he took to mean that i didnt know, and started explaining about hash functions and keys, (i imagine) mentally cursing the interview process. I hurriedly assured him i knew what they were, and that is how multihash tables were born. From there, there was no looking back. I played with threads, fought deadlocks (more of them self inflicted than i'd like to admit), set fire to devices, squashed bugs, (metaphorically) bashed people up (and had the most fun doing it), made people run all around the office, and generally had a violently good time.
Thank you all for the last 5 years, for the jokes, for letting me feel a part of the whole, for teaching me, for letting me teach, for laughing at my mistakes while telling me its okay, for making it easy and for making it fun. Also for making me write this.
But i do not thank you for making it so hard to leave.

Room with a view

There is this room type thing we have built on our terrace. It started out as a covered place where clothes could hang out during the rains, but has now evolved into a kind of an attic. I have had my eye on it for a very long time. Its basically just 4 walls and a roof but i can salivate just imagining a home in it. A bed in one corner, TV in another, kitchen in another and what more do you need? The "walls" have huge openings so its a room with a view! (So what if the view is the neighbour's balcony?) As i was saying, i've had my eye on it for a while. This time, the day i got home i decided i was going to sleep up there. Its crazy what my folks let me get away with. We cleaned up the mess (i.e. threw everything inside, outside), swept the place (i had stated to vacuum , but gave up after the damn cleaner took two minutes to clean one square foot. Which might be because the cleaner is almost as old as i am, but it has made me more or less give up on vacuum cleaners altogether), washed out the dirt (taking water from the tank and throwing it all around, whats not to like?) and put the mattress out to dry. All before breakfast, mind you.

That night was going to be the night. I was so excited, i laughed at mosquito warnings and weather forecasters forecasting rains. I went and curled up with a book and the emergency lamp (nope, no electricity either). No mosquitoes. I laughed some more. Finally when it was time to sleep, i shut the lamp and within a few seconds i had two insurmountable problems. Mosquitoes, which apparently wait until dark to attack, and i needed to go to the loo. There was no way i was going all the way down and coming back up, no sir. So that night turned into yet another night.

Tonight though? Tonight is different. Tonight i have an extension chord that is connected to an extension chord that bring electricity to me. Tonight I have industrial strength protection against mosquitoes (although the mild green light the repellent is emitting does little to inspire confidence), tonight i have a laptop AND a book to keep me company, tonight i have bed covers enough to smother all bed bugs. Tonight is going to be the night!

I hope i dont need to go to the loo.

Day 3 and 4

(Because i wrote about day 1 and two somewhere but cant find it now.)

Day 3

I am ignored pretty much all morning. Except by this new kid who comes looking for me with a question.

Kid: Is blah feature supported on xyz?
Me: (who has designed and coded blah not at all so very long ago) No, not at all.

Kid goes away happy. And then i start to think, why not? I open code, i look around, i dont understand, i try to remember, i cant, i try to reason, and that works. I realize I have misled the kid. I look around for him but there are too many new faces and all i remember is the colour of his shirt. After a lot of peering at shirts, i finally find the one with the right colour.

Me: I'm sorry, xyz actually does support blah. It doesnt support yabadabadoo.
Kid: (first looking confused and then happy) Oooh, i actually wanted to ask about yabadabadoo!

Just to rub my genius in your face, i give the right answer even when asked the wrong question. How they will survive without me i dont know.

Early lunch at kakas, i ate shrikhand! Yum! My stomach is turning into a bottomless pit. Or maybe a black hole, because everything i eat disappears. Which is the most awesome thing that could happen, i'm hoping it is permanent! I could be the slimmest pig in the world!
Knowledge is attempted to be transferred. From me standing and talking for two hours and a whole bunch of people sitting and sleeping listening for two hours*.


Day 4

Started late. I lay the blame on the Game of Thrones for being so damn interesting. Meetings. Lunch, where everyone agreed surprisingly quickly on the place and then went to another. Random reading. Review. Probably my last decent sized one. Someday i'll develop the courage to ask people to fix their indentation. Movie! In the interval L says - 4 people, and not one person had the foresight to read the review! But apparently the way we watch movies is pick a convenient time and watch whatever is showing. The movie was pretty bad but the company more than made up for it. And M probably immortalized the song Banao Banao by declaring it the song to be sung while running make. I laughed so hard at that, see, this is what i am most afraid of missing. The bad jokes and the shared laughter. I have been lucky enough at both workplaces, although in very different ways. We used to laugh like crazy even at the old workplace, but very rarely on geeky jokes. That sense of humour i have picked up here. What i'm saying is, i dont mind if at the next workplace i find my laughter over MIL jokes and baby food***, i'm open like that. Just give me people who inspire me and who make me laugh, thats all i ask of you, old man @ blue sky. Also, preferably not have the same person do both. I have found that i am very conscious around people who inspire me, laughing around them is limited.



* Obviously. If they'd listened for longer, they wouldnt have heard much. Unless i was far far away and sound was taking time to reach them**. Which i wasnt. I was close enough for them to throw tomatoes at. Or eggs, if they were so inclined. And though i would have advised restraint, i can see why they would be tempted. When they really want to hit me, when cleaning up my mess is taking over their lives, i will not be around.

** I really should make physics jokes. I'm sure there is something fundamentally wrong about that sentence, physics wise.

*** We are not there yet. Not even close ****

****You probably didnt need to know that. Sorry.

The end of an era

I'm in Pune to say goodbye to my job and i can see that it is going to be overwhelming. Especially since i have nothing lined up to go back to. Unemployment! Its strange, I certainly didnt expect that to take up so much space in my head.
I thought i'd document these two weeks, peppered with flashback of the past 5 years, but i dont know how much stuff i'll get to write about. The last time i tried that (at the end of another era), i didnt get past day 1. But here i am, foolishly making the same mistake bravely try, try and trying again.

Day 0. Left home for Bangalore Airport. Of all the airports i have been in, this is the one i call mine. Probably because the 6 hours my dad and i spent there once, waiting for our flight. We'd just fixed up my marriage, and despite the one thousand reasons to, neither of us was freaking out. We talked and sat and ate and walked around and i got to hear, for the first time in first person, a bit about the young man my dad had been. I dont know, does adult life so thoroughly wash off your youth, that even the wistfulness doesn't remain?

It started to rain on the way. The droplets started off by forming a pretty pattern on the windshield, but pretty soon were racing to the roof! Like kids released from the confines of a school bus, actually more like solders pumped up with, well, whatever good speeches are supposed to pump them up with, rushing towards the enemy, eager for a fight, eager for death. I got most terribly excited seeing that. I very badly wanted to know what happened once they got to the roof, but we were already late and i was already not helping and so i ate up my curiosity.

The flight got to Pune early. Bhai got to the airport early. I refused to get on his bike without a card bearing my name. Someday i'll make that joke one times too many and i'll get picked up with a card and flowers and then i'll have to die of embarrassment. Within 5 minutes i got a lecture from Bhai - why are you so dead and disinterested in all things technological and why do you need a job so desperately and why dont you do something interesting and if only i had the skills i'd make a million cool apps (and he would, poor thing and go mad in the process since he gets cool ideas on a daily basis). I told him i am willing to be his code monkey but he says that is no fun.

Home. And everything that implies. Parents. Bath. Grandparents. Dinner. Movie. And sleep.

Things that make my head go bang bang bang

Bang as in exclamation! For once, i am not fantasizing about shooting people.

I bargain. With a flower seller. And win. The gym instructor talks to me in Tamil. I go to the gym with my FIL. Every time i go stand anywhere close to a temple, one of the flower sellers sitting there will come and give me flowers for free. Every time. Its like they can smell the fear. The apnapan i feel when i hear someone speaking Marathi here. The dude, at random times. After 5 years of fitting into a chat window, to suddenly see him life-size, even though he may just be disapproving of the mess that is my cupboard. How easily i can switch contexts depending on which home i am in. Like a robot with two settings - Pune and Bangalore. There are irreconcilable differences in the two settings, but since never the twain shall meet, it all works out. Money means so little to me. I still havent caught a live concert in Bangalore. I can make vadais. In principle. How easy it is to forget. And how difficult to understand. The kindle hasnt taken over my my life. I am quitting. The place that has been the biggest part of my life (well, time-wise) for 5 years now. I need people. Yet how little i do to keep them in my life. 

Excuses

The problem with food, or rather, with the making of food, apart from the fact that it needs to be done every. single. day. is the sense of  accomplishment that it gives. I have never had to cook in my life, and so when i now have to, one meal makes me feel i have justified my presence on earth. Not breakfast, breakfast is fun. But anything after that i do, and i can happily spend the rest of day basking in its glory. Which is kind of strange because i come from a family of working women, every single one of them. Whatever they have done in life, they have done in addition to making food.

My life right now is a long list of things that need to be done and are not getting done. Well, its actually not very long, if we get right down to it, there is just this one thing. Come next month and i will be done with my current job. Yes! No more working from home! Happy as that makes me, i need to make sure this doesnt turn into No more working! And totally contrary to my usual approach to things, i am handling the look for a new job thing by worrying too much and doing too little. Which you might have  figured out when i tried to pass off " but i had to make lunch" as an excuse for not preparing.

So, i need to prepare. And while i have full confidence that i'll get a job, i have close to zero confidence that i can clear an interview. Any interview. Even one for LKG. When the dude tries to help by asking me questions, i make faces and not-today-honey him. I'd like to take the high road and say the system needs to change to accommodate people like me (of whom there are plenty), but that will take time. Meanwhile, i shall have to stoop to conquer.

Reason #53 for a parallel universe

Did you stop and think, when you were young and the world seemed like a place that could be whatever you made it to be, did you think about what your actions would mean? Did you realize that just because you wanted to follow your own nose and not turn around and look at what other people were up to, the world would forever be divided? Sure, people can and do talk across the divide, nothing can stop that, but wouldnt the world have been an easier, prettier place undivided?

Tell me, why did you have to bring Endianness into this world?


P.S. If you cant answer the big philosophical question, at least tell me this. Why why why do bit fields have to care about it too? Couldnt you at least have left the children untainted?

P.P.S The only saving grace in it all is that you gave it a cool name. Even though it confuses things up as hell. But then, cool was never supposed to be convenient.

(written after the third time the author chased down packets that wouldnt show up, only to (re) discover that the IP header has bit fields that Endianness will mess up).

WFH

The next time someone tells me - whats not to like, you get to work from home, instead of my usual reaction of boiling on the inside while giving totally lame reasons on the outside, i will direct them to this post. 

Okay, so if you have never worked from home (ever) and think that it means getting to do what you want to do when you want to do it and do it in your pajamas, stand here. And if you occasionally "work from home" and think it simply means being online and the most productive thing you may have to do is call into a meeting once in a while, go stand there. Everyone else go home. 

I live in one city and my office is in another city 800 kms away. I work from home. Everyday. Everyday i get up, make breakfast, make my coffee and climb some 20 stairs to work. So far so good. I sit two feet away from the bed. And since i dont have a manager who peeks over my shoulder every time he goes to the loo, guess who is responsible for keeping me awake? Me. Thats right. I have to be the bad guy. I have to make sure i dont fall asleep, and i have to do that all day. I have to make sure i dont get lost on the Internet and forget my way back to work. I have to make sure i dont sit chatting all day. Sure, i dont Alt-tab that much, but thats because I am always watching. Even when i am in the loo.* 

I am not a very friendly person. I wont bite you, but i take my time opening up to people, mostly i also take their time. 90 percent of my social life revolves around people at work, since thats where i am 90 percent of the time. Also as i move from place to place, people from my past have this annoying tendency to move too, thus leaving me more dependent on the current office population. And guess what makes up my current office population? A grand total of me. I'm interesting, i know, but even i have my limits. 

Its easiest when i'm coding. Coding is a solitary job. All the big decisions involving other people have been made. It is interesting too, so i dont have to watch myself so much. But i code at the best 30-40 percent of the time. What when i'm designing? When i need to talk to people, either to consult or to simply discuss? What do i do when what i see as a beautiful idea is actually unnecessary or maybe even dumb, and all i need to see that is to talk it out with someone? What about all those ideas that come from irrelevant discussions? Testing is worse. To test some features, i've actually had two desks spread out with equipment and then some. I need to run all around to tweak the setup, how can i possibly do anything on that scale sitting from here? Fortunately i havent had to, and what little i need, i have great people to help, Nevertheless my testing becomes pretty contrived at times, and it doesnt give the same joy as having tested with the real thing. 

And lastly my most biggest problem. Do you know what i cherish most in a workplace? More than the money, more than the work? People. People i can learn from, people i can look up to, people who amaze me with their ideas and their approach, people who make uninteresting things interesting, people I can work with in such a way that the whole becomes more than the sum of the parts, people who solve half the problem simply by asking what happened, people who appreciate all this and so on :) That is what i miss most of all, me sitting within these four walls. 

* What happened one day when i gave in and took a power nap (gah how i hate that term). My FIL came in to give some CDs that he had bought. And caught me napping. Now imagine what they must think i sit and do all day. They belong to a generation for whom sleeping on the job is a crime, done only by the most worthless people. Its mooching off your employer, next only to stealing from his pocket. If you think i am getting carried away, maybe this will help you see the point. This one time we got back from a 2 day, 90km cycling trip on Sunday and everything was sore on Monday. But Monday is Monday and we both went to work. MIL was feeling very sorry for her son, and was telling me he should have rested today and gone to work tomorrow. I jokingly told her dont worry, he will sleep it off in the office (i mean the dude has a sofa right behind his desk!). That was taken as a pretty serious attack on his character, which was then stoutly defended. Now you see?

Notes from dont ask me where

Is a holiday about doing new things in new places or doing old things in new places? Like getting lost on a rusty TVS in new lanes. Or reading a book (on the kindle! on the kindle!) sprawled on a new window sill. Pigging out in a new restaurant. Snoozing the alarm 25 times on a new bed. Or does it have to be completely different from your routine to feel like one?

Wow, she thought, never seen a lizard with such interesting patterns on its back. As she looked closely, she realized it wasnt a lizard, but a frog! Climbing up a wall! Actually climbing, not randomly jumping. She didnt know frogs could do that. No one seems to have told this frog it couldnt, she thought. And then looked around to see frogs all over the bathroom wall. Behind the heater, on the shower, everywhere. She would have killed for the attached bathroom she rejected yesterday, too taken in by the spiral wooden staircase that led to a room in the loft to bother about a bathroom. Well, she had what she paid for. She asked the frogs to please stay up the wall while she rushed through the quickest bath in the world. Fortunately they were domesticated enough to understand.

The world cant seem to make up its mind about whether i look like a tamilian or not. All my life i've grown up with the image of TAMILIAN stamped in large friendly letters on my forehead. Some people seem to be able to see that, i get random strangers coming and talking to me in Tamil. Some people dont, this one guy asked me in broken english "Which is country" and wouldnt believe me when i said Tamilnadu. Not even after i spoke to him in Tamil. Apparently i look French.

One of the books i read was the Phantom Toolbooth. The dude one day suddenly remembered he had it and jumped up and down insisting that i read the first chapter and for some reason only the first chapter then and there. I didnt, but i did start on it later. What a book, whataay book! I want to tear lines off it and paste them all over the place so i can see and not forget. Its a children's book thats filled with "wisdom", delivered in such a way that it (mostly) doesnt feel like you are being lectured. Like, Milo, our hero is lost and this guy Alec tells him - Being lost is never a matter of not knowing where you are, its a matter of not knowing where you aren't. When i finally "got" that sentence, i wanted to jump up and down, for now i know why i feel so lost - i dont know where i want to go!

Another thing from the book that has firmly lodged in my mind. The king has ordered pastries from the half bakery. Milo wonders what the half bakery is. Someone explains it to him - the half bakery is where half baked ideas come from! They are very tasty, but they dont always agree with you. When i read this, i was bang in the middle of one of my half baked ideas and i wanted to laugh out loud in the bus. All my ideas from now on are going to be poked with a knife or a knitting needle to see if they are well done. I'm not saying i wont have half baked ideas, but at the very least i'll know what i'm getting into.

There is this bird making knocking sounds. At night. And another that makes whistling sounds in the morning. Because living in the middle of nowhere isnt spooky enough.

Next is what

By popular demand. What? Bhai asked for a post, and he is popular, okay?

So, Presenting... the Partner! *drumroll*

(The effect of which might be diminished by the fact that 90 percent of the people reading this were supposed to be at the wedding. The remaining 10 percent, i hope you die of shock. Or have a heart attack at the very least.)

So, yes, the partner. Who shall henceforth be known here, there and elsewhere as the dude (Because, you know, everything else about this blog is so anonymous). I live in his home (naturally), i work from his home, and omg, creepy as it sounds, uska ghar hi ab mera sansaar hai :P Not the least becasue i'm in a new city (Hi Bangalore!) and have no idea what goes where. Seriously, that is what i find to be the most disorienting of all. New home, new people, new language, new role - all fine, but a new city that i have to get used to? Nooooo.

I should have cracked under the strain of wearing so many saris, i didnt. I should feel a bit lost and out of place, i dont. I should be devastated, i'm not. I should be deliriously happy, i'm not. I'm... normal. I think tomorrow if i wake up as a man in the Bahamas, i will still be normal.

Because it sometimes feels like a new me in new life, where none of the "facts" from the old life need to be true, i say "Hello World!"

Ooh, look what 2011 is doing!

Its just the second month and i've already taken two leaves. Both last minute oh-i-wont-be-coming-tomorrow leaves, which is not so good. But neither of them were oh-i-am-too-bored-to-get-out-of-bed, which rocks! If you dont get why i am jumping about this, i present to you my 2010. In which i must have taken, oh, 3 leaves? 2 of them because i was bored.

So, yes, 2011. Keep up the good work! And try not to make a philanthropist who donates all her leaves to the office charity out of me, yeah?

Yes, again!

(To post something, anything, in the hope that it will over-shadow what in the light of the day seems an embarrassingly naive outburst from yesterday.
Umm. I really should stop writing SoPs for my posts.)

So. We were kidding about existential crises the other day (i dont remember the context, but it could have been about how the product builder couldnt build the product anymore and imagine the size of that e-crisis) and i got to wondering about the things in my life that should be going through the e-crisis.

1. my phone
On my birthday a couple of days ago, i got more calls than i get throughout the year. That might actually be true, modulo telemarketing and what time are you coming home calls. I dont organize using my phone, i dont make calls, i cant dont surf. So basically, its a Rs 10,000 alarm clock. That, thanks to my brothers constant yelling, i now have by my side at all times. People selling insurance can get to me at any time of the day. How they must love me, the telemarketers. Also,
Oh how blind that love must be
As to most of them
I still am
Mr. Vinaya N.

2. my orkut account
If it cannot connect me to my social network, if it cannot warn me of approaching birthdays, if it cannot show me baby pictures or trip pictures or home pictures, really, why does it exist?

3. My weekends
Weekdays are easy. Weekdays have structure, they have purpose. Weekdays are when we are animals, doing what we are programmed to do - providing food. Weekends are when we get to be human, when we get to rise above our programming and do what we want to do (unless you are one of those who are providing for their food by doing what they want to do, in which case, bye, i dont want to talk to you).
There was a time when not having a structure to the weekend used to be enough. Not anymore. There was a time when entertainment used to be enough. Not anymore. So, what is it that i want to do, what makes me human? *shrug*

4. The adult inside of me
Inspite of fast approaching ages that need 6 bits to be expressed, i do things like taking a mug shot with the wafer on my birthday cake as the name plate. (Trust me, it sounds funnier than it looks. Its got me in profile, not something recommended for those of delicate composition). I regularly skip while getting down stairs. I got a Tintin DVD set as a birthday gift. I absolutely dont mind playing hide and seek with kids. And you better not get caught with me near a construction site with sand that can be jumped upon... All of which would have been fine, well, weird but fine, if i had also taken on some of the responsibilities of being an adult. No thank you, i say, when adulthood beckons with the promise of freedom. 9 cases out of 10, i am happy to be led. It is that one case, however, that might end up making an adult out of me.

We interrupt our regular broadcast of silence to bring to you a realization

(Seriously. Its been so long my browser has forgotten the address of my blog.)

Remember the story of the rakshas who had his jaan in a tota? And how to get to the parrot you had to cross seven seas and climb seven mountains and break seven cages and stuff? Well, i realized today that if you put your jaan in a tota, you have no choice but to imprison the poor thing! You cant tell it to fly free and then worry yourself sick every time you hear, or dont hear, the flapping of wings. So think before you do any such thing. Its not fair on you, its not fair on the tota!

Road trip

There is this bachcha in the office see, and i'd been eyeing his cycle for a while now. Today, during our customary post lunch walk, one thing led to another and by the time we were back on our floor, we had exchanged keys, him and I. I was to cycle my 11 kms, my bike would take him his 12. After which, he asked me 10 times if i was sure knew what i was doing. I asked him 15.
I left work "early" (it was already dark outside, so really, there was no point to the early), went to the parking lot and then realized i didnt know which cycle was his. I called up all people that were not him to see if anyone knew. I was advised to take whichever cycle opened with the key. The first one i tried opened and i was off! Some distance later, when i tried playing with the gears i saw that the gears were only one side of the bike. Now, i'll be the first to admit my memory has somewhat disintegrated with age, but i was reasonably sure the last time i was on his cycle, there were gears on both sides. I looked at the gearless handle to see if there was any way the gears could have fallen off. Finally, i stuffed by ego and called him up. He laughed, told me his was a Firefox, told me to hurry back in case the police were already there to solve the case of the missing cycle.
A swap later, i was off on the right bike. My dabba bag hanging on the handle and my "purse" twisted all around my neck so that i could get to my phone and change radio stations. 'Cause you know, what is a road trip without music?

Yeh jo des hai tera

By the time it ended i was on the main road and sorely missing the mirrors.

Rukumani rukumani...

It is Rehman's birthday today and all radio stations were going nuts. Which meant the songs would be okay. I came to the Symbiosys hill slope and almost died. Once on the other side, i couldnt believe the song i was hearing! On my bike, i would have sung along at the top of my voice but now, i did the best i could.

Tu ek resham puff dor pant
Teri chal damn ashiq pant uff
Teri zulf ghani

I crossed the big University signal and a bus crossed me. It was all downhill from there.

Ajj din chadheyaa

A little ahead, i crossed the bus.

Hamma hamma

The bus again! And it came to me, a flash of knowledge from a long forgotten era, there was a time when i knew what nuisances buses were, as surely as i knew the sky looked blue. What else had i lost to the years, it made me wonder.

Muquabala Muquabala

Seriously?? Picasso ki painting mera peecha pakad ke??

Aaha! Almost home.

Roo-ba-roo, Roshni.

Well, that wasnt so bad.

Chinnamma chillakamma

I'll stop with a story that song reminds me of. Long long ago, in a age when i used to go on trips, we were on one in Matheran. And my friend, in what i can now with confidence say was an attempt to flatter, called my other friend a chipkali (lizard). On investigation, it was discovered that he meant to call her a titly (butterfly). We spent a lot of the time on the slopes of Matheran (seriously, have you met a more boring hill station??) singing Chipkali daboch li maine. Eww. It seems to have worked however, since him and her are now happily married and leaving no continent untouched!