I might regret this

Dear prospective employers,

I write this to you just in case you are not sold on my loaded with awesomeness resume (which seems to be the case, not even an interview call, what the hell is going on?). I really need a job for the following reasons:

1. I need a free gym to go to
The ones around me are insanely expensive and not suited to my lifestyle which at least until now included long vacations trips to Pune. I am bloating up! And i have never been great at the do it at home yourself kind. Come to think of it, the only kind that has worked for me is the kind where i pay through my nose, so i'd rather not think of it.

2. The kitchen needs to see less of me
Really. All sorts of things have been happening to it since i got here. I have been explaining them away as coincidences and unfortunate accidents but i think suspicions have take root.

3. I need to not get used to afternoon sleep.
See, you will employ me, one day or another. Better do it now before i get used to afternoon sleep and spend two months on the job trying to get rid of the habit.

4. I need a social life.
Well, i dont really feel the need for it, which is scarier if you ask me. So, gimme people before i give up on them altogether and become a kitchen hermit. Please.

I hope this letter argues for my case better than my resume did.

Thanking you,
Yours sincerely,

Vinaya


P.S. I hope this letter finds you in good health and cheer.