Rambling. About work for once

That bug, it is a silly mistake but it cuts deeper than it should. I spend hours wondering how I could be dumb enough to have missed something so obvious. For that day, i'd like nothing more than to go into the past and not make it. Or baring that, go back into the past and hit the me there on the head.

Or the day I roam around in wide eyed amazement, having watched the master at his very best. No traces of the wistful sigh that comes from knowing you are not made for those heights but wanting to get there anyway.

Or the day spent chasing a tricky little issue, preferably someone elses. The thrill of the chase, the fun in pitting our collective brains against the code, the frustration at being almost but not quite there and the pleasure in finally nailing it.

Such days make me wonder - do i after all love what i do? Not the kind of love that announces itself with a bang. But the kind that creeps up on you and envelopes you without your realizing it.

Somehow, I dont think so. For one, such days are too infrequent. And there is very little that is free flowing, its more hard work/discipline and less inspiration/creativity. For another, the idea of spending the rest of my life in this profession still scares the hell out of me. To be fair though, the idea of anything for the rest of my life is scary. (Its a little bit like looking through Adams Total Perspective Vortex. Only, instead of you being dwarfed by the rest of the Universe, you are dwarfed by the rest of your life and the idea of managing it.). One day at a time, i can live with. But then, that is not saying very much. As life has shown with exceptional clarity, there is very little i cant live with, one day at a time.