Monday, February 23, 2009
I am the world
Have you ever felt... complete? It comes to me, this feeling, usually when i'm alone with music. I may be by myself in my room or surrounded by humanity on a busy street, but world fades into the background. The wind blows just for me, the song plays just for me, its been written just for me and that is all there is to the world. I sing along cause there is no one there to laugh, you see? The world flashes by now and then, but it doesnt demand, doesnt hold me back, it just waves a cheery goodbye. And where ever it is i am going, the only thing i wish for is that i never get there.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Its all coming back to me
As yet another group leaves on yet another trip without me (i have not been to more places in the last few years than i have been to in all my life), i sit and remember the good times.
The first memorable one to Mahabaleshwar, with colleagues who were not yet friends. Came back a little surprised at how much fun it was.
To Mulshi on a Bike.
To Matheran, the fraudest hill station ever and Nagao, the best beach ever. The hood of the car came lose when we were coming back. We the girls were given some rope to secure our luggage. We tied the bags together like they were birthday presents we were tying ribbons on. Very pretty, very useless.
To Raigadh and Harihareshwar in the monsoon in a van breathing its last. That got stuck in the mud. People, people i know, just bent down and lifted the van. They could have done it with one little finger, i couldnt have been more impressed!
To Varandha Ghat. Lots of rain, lots of monkeys. And something happened to the keys so we had to break into our own car. And a waterfall.
A hurried one to Dive agar. We left in the morning with no idea where we were going and that is where we ended up. Swans.
To Ganpati Pule. Two car loads for the first time. The terrifying return journey where one by one everyone fell sick. Two healthy people remained, neither of whom could drive. 20 questions.
Rishikesh, rafting. I could write a book on it.
Agra, first time travel by general compartment.
Delhi, god knows how many times. Cannaught place. Saravana Bhavan.
Panchmarhi. The monkey, the buffalo, the goat.
Roorkee. The second most beautiful campus ever. A hurried trip to some hill station whose name i forget.
Manali, skiing. Book.
Some place near Allahabad, for bird watching. We saw one alleged pigeon.
Trivandrum. Our own TV, our own cook, a swing in the hall, a bathtub, we lived in luxury!
Calicut, the most beautiful campus ever.
Bombay, Goa. Weddings. Old friends.
Malshej. Water Kingdom. Unexpected. Fun.
As i write this, a small part of me timidly asks, maybe its enough? Maybe its time to let go? All of me answers, not in this life.
The first memorable one to Mahabaleshwar, with colleagues who were not yet friends. Came back a little surprised at how much fun it was.
To Mulshi on a Bike.
To Matheran, the fraudest hill station ever and Nagao, the best beach ever. The hood of the car came lose when we were coming back. We the girls were given some rope to secure our luggage. We tied the bags together like they were birthday presents we were tying ribbons on. Very pretty, very useless.
To Raigadh and Harihareshwar in the monsoon in a van breathing its last. That got stuck in the mud. People, people i know, just bent down and lifted the van. They could have done it with one little finger, i couldnt have been more impressed!
To Varandha Ghat. Lots of rain, lots of monkeys. And something happened to the keys so we had to break into our own car. And a waterfall.
A hurried one to Dive agar. We left in the morning with no idea where we were going and that is where we ended up. Swans.
To Ganpati Pule. Two car loads for the first time. The terrifying return journey where one by one everyone fell sick. Two healthy people remained, neither of whom could drive. 20 questions.
Rishikesh, rafting. I could write a book on it.
Agra, first time travel by general compartment.
Delhi, god knows how many times. Cannaught place. Saravana Bhavan.
Panchmarhi. The monkey, the buffalo, the goat.
Roorkee. The second most beautiful campus ever. A hurried trip to some hill station whose name i forget.
Manali, skiing. Book.
Some place near Allahabad, for bird watching. We saw one alleged pigeon.
Trivandrum. Our own TV, our own cook, a swing in the hall, a bathtub, we lived in luxury!
Calicut, the most beautiful campus ever.
Bombay, Goa. Weddings. Old friends.
Malshej. Water Kingdom. Unexpected. Fun.
As i write this, a small part of me timidly asks, maybe its enough? Maybe its time to let go? All of me answers, not in this life.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Books, TV etc
Heroes is back. And while i cant be anything but glad, it sometimes feels like the makers are playing chess with the characters. Every season they paint each character with a random colour, throw them on the board in some interesting starting position and then watch the fun. From there on, the horse jumps in steps of two and one, the bishop goes diagonal, the rook goes straight. Claire hyperacts, bytes off more than she can chew and what with two dads, keeps getting grounded. Peter manages to see black and white in a grey world. Hero wants to be a hero, its almost like he is looking for villains who will make him one. Bennett is "protecting his family" and that excuses everything. As the two percent of Nathan that cares for Peter excuses the naked greed of the remaining ninety eight. Sylar is well, Sylar... i wonder if they even bother to write new dialogs.
Finished with Philip K Dick's Counterclock World. Dont read this if you plan to read the book, but i wouldnt recommend the plan unless you like that kind of thing and know what you are getting into. Its not bad, the concept is an interesting one, a world where from 1986 time has started to go backwards. So dead people rise from their graves, get cured of whatever illness that killed them, get younger, become kids and finally disappear into a womb. Its filled with stuff that makes you chuckle at the cleverness, conversations start with goodbye and end with a hello. Food comes out of your mouth, is packaged and sent to supermarkets. And my favourite, oh shit is now oh food. The Library is the evil corporation, in charge of eradicating books that describe stuff that has no longer happened. (See how interesting it can get? One day they'll eradicate all of Mozart's music just because. But then, Mozart will rise from the grave and imagine what he'd create!) My problem is that i need a story! A setting like this, however imaginative, is just the background. I need characters in it to have adventures (which they do), to fight evil (which they do) and for there to be a spectacular end to it all (which there isnt). I'm beginning to see the beginnings of a faint line in the SFF universe. Asimov, Frank Herbert, Adams, Practchett, Orson Scott Card are all one side. The Le Guins and the Philip K Dicks on the other. Arthur C Clark is sitting on the fence, mocking me, daring me to push him over. And i cant. While his setting is his story, i love reading him so.
One second yesterday was the 123456789th one since epoch. Geeks all over the world celebrated. And i find this out from Pune Mirror. I will go drown myself now.
Finished with Philip K Dick's Counterclock World. Dont read this if you plan to read the book, but i wouldnt recommend the plan unless you like that kind of thing and know what you are getting into. Its not bad, the concept is an interesting one, a world where from 1986 time has started to go backwards. So dead people rise from their graves, get cured of whatever illness that killed them, get younger, become kids and finally disappear into a womb. Its filled with stuff that makes you chuckle at the cleverness, conversations start with goodbye and end with a hello. Food comes out of your mouth, is packaged and sent to supermarkets. And my favourite, oh shit is now oh food. The Library is the evil corporation, in charge of eradicating books that describe stuff that has no longer happened. (See how interesting it can get? One day they'll eradicate all of Mozart's music just because. But then, Mozart will rise from the grave and imagine what he'd create!) My problem is that i need a story! A setting like this, however imaginative, is just the background. I need characters in it to have adventures (which they do), to fight evil (which they do) and for there to be a spectacular end to it all (which there isnt). I'm beginning to see the beginnings of a faint line in the SFF universe. Asimov, Frank Herbert, Adams, Practchett, Orson Scott Card are all one side. The Le Guins and the Philip K Dicks on the other. Arthur C Clark is sitting on the fence, mocking me, daring me to push him over. And i cant. While his setting is his story, i love reading him so.
One second yesterday was the 123456789th one since epoch. Geeks all over the world celebrated. And i find this out from Pune Mirror. I will go drown myself now.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Questions
(Something i wrote very long ago. Since i seem to be in the mood to flush out stuff...)
Why me
Why you
Why square peg
Why round hole
Why me
Why you
Why us
In this whole wide world
When it is answers i seek
Why questions
Why me
Why you
Why square peg
Why round hole
Why me
Why you
Why us
In this whole wide world
When it is answers i seek
Why questions
Change
(Yes i've gone nuts with posts. So sue me.)
There is change in which you and world are on the same side. You are like a pebble lying in the river. You just lie there, the river just flows and one day you wake up to see all the rough edges gone. Smooth, you think, and wonder why people find it so difficult to change.
Then there is change where you are against the world. You are the agent, you have to fight to get to where you want. You discover the meaning of words like resistance and comfort zone and inertia. You come to see how deep traditions go, you come to see the strength of the world.
And there is change that wants to change the world. I dont think i'm allowed to even talk about it.
Is there a point to this? Probably none, other than the fact that i like to classify.
There is change in which you and world are on the same side. You are like a pebble lying in the river. You just lie there, the river just flows and one day you wake up to see all the rough edges gone. Smooth, you think, and wonder why people find it so difficult to change.
Then there is change where you are against the world. You are the agent, you have to fight to get to where you want. You discover the meaning of words like resistance and comfort zone and inertia. You come to see how deep traditions go, you come to see the strength of the world.
And there is change that wants to change the world. I dont think i'm allowed to even talk about it.
Is there a point to this? Probably none, other than the fact that i like to classify.
House, M.D.
You know how in movies the world sometimes seems to dance to your tune? Ad billboards, mannequins, statues on crossings, traffic policemen, everyone seems to be singing your song. It happening to me, but in a much more creepy way. Was watching House yesterday and this one character says to another who is stuck in a rut but doesnt know how to get out - The only wrong thing is to nothing. And i felt like hugging her. And slapping her.
Another interesting conversation in the same episode. (Yes, i get my dose of philosophy from TV series. Problem?) The patient is this famous cancer researcher who quit 8 months ago because her job wasnt making her happy. And is now learning to dance. And cook. The doctors at the hospital are all over her, not able to understand how anyone can do that. One of them used to be a plastic surgeon.
(Note: i made up the dialogs. They have better writers)
Ex-plastics guy: I used to love my job. The money, the hours, the people, everything. I gave all that up for a crappy job, a boss from hell, peanuts for pay. I'm not happy. But you know what, i can go home at night look myself in the mirror and say - i did something worthwhile today.
Ex-cancer-researcher: Yes, i miss that. But it just wasnt enough.
Damn. I always figured if i went after the satisfaction, the happiness would follow. Dont tell me i'll have to look for something that satisfies me AND makes me happy. I'll give everything up and go live in a cave. With wifi. I'll ask for nothing more.
Another interesting conversation in the same episode. (Yes, i get my dose of philosophy from TV series. Problem?) The patient is this famous cancer researcher who quit 8 months ago because her job wasnt making her happy. And is now learning to dance. And cook. The doctors at the hospital are all over her, not able to understand how anyone can do that. One of them used to be a plastic surgeon.
(Note: i made up the dialogs. They have better writers)
Ex-plastics guy: I used to love my job. The money, the hours, the people, everything. I gave all that up for a crappy job, a boss from hell, peanuts for pay. I'm not happy. But you know what, i can go home at night look myself in the mirror and say - i did something worthwhile today.
Ex-cancer-researcher: Yes, i miss that. But it just wasnt enough.
Damn. I always figured if i went after the satisfaction, the happiness would follow. Dont tell me i'll have to look for something that satisfies me AND makes me happy. I'll give everything up and go live in a cave. With wifi. I'll ask for nothing more.
Working from home
Is strange. New.
Is filled with moments, at least in the first couple of days, when you will want to strangle someone and relish watching them die (those more knowledgeable say you get used to living with the feeling).
Is lonely.
Is terribly inefficient. Yahoo Messenger will take you a hour to setup. Mails will take ages to open up. And will be about sweets from near and far, which will make you want to cry.
Is liberating.
Has conference calls in which people will mumble among themselves and unless they address you by name, you can best help things by shutting up and counting sheep.
Corrupts.
Makes you proud once you learn to control temptation. Especially around 2.30 p.m. You'll be able to sit on the bed all day and not give in. By the end of the week, you'll have so gotten over it, you'd think nothing of a 5 minute fling, knowing it will not lead to anything more permanent.
Is not half bad! I think i'm ready to break another leg.
Is filled with moments, at least in the first couple of days, when you will want to strangle someone and relish watching them die (those more knowledgeable say you get used to living with the feeling).
Is lonely.
Is terribly inefficient. Yahoo Messenger will take you a hour to setup. Mails will take ages to open up. And will be about sweets from near and far, which will make you want to cry.
Is liberating.
Has conference calls in which people will mumble among themselves and unless they address you by name, you can best help things by shutting up and counting sheep.
Corrupts.
Makes you proud once you learn to control temptation. Especially around 2.30 p.m. You'll be able to sit on the bed all day and not give in. By the end of the week, you'll have so gotten over it, you'd think nothing of a 5 minute fling, knowing it will not lead to anything more permanent.
Is not half bad! I think i'm ready to break another leg.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
A list (not of the linked variety)
I've been to Essel World. Had almost all my limbs in a cast (fine it was the same hand twice, in my world that counts as two hands). Now if only there could be a small flood outside my house that doesnt kill anyone, because of which we'd have to get out in tiny rowing boats, i can let go of my childhood and start on the business of fulfilling my adult fantasies.
Err... you know what i mean. Although i do wish they could be as clear cut as the childhood ones. The wooly fuzzy ones that i seem to be stuck with, very difficult to put a tick against one and say, yes, this one is done.
Being well on my way to the big 3, a friend asked me if i had a things to do before i turn blah list. I hemmed and hawed because obviously i hadnt thought of it like that, as yet another deadline. (I'm impervious to them, deadlines, they come and go with barely a blip on my existence). He then contributed to the first item on the list - make a list of things you want to do before you turn blah.
Its a good one, that one. Because making a list means you see a future. In which you have the power to do things. Something to work towards, something to tick mark. It means having moments best described by this awesome song from Ru-ba-ru:
यह जो पल, यह पल है सुहाना
जिंदगी जीने का एक छोटा सा बहाना
So yeah, i'll make a list.
Err... you know what i mean. Although i do wish they could be as clear cut as the childhood ones. The wooly fuzzy ones that i seem to be stuck with, very difficult to put a tick against one and say, yes, this one is done.
Being well on my way to the big 3, a friend asked me if i had a things to do before i turn blah list. I hemmed and hawed because obviously i hadnt thought of it like that, as yet another deadline. (I'm impervious to them, deadlines, they come and go with barely a blip on my existence). He then contributed to the first item on the list - make a list of things you want to do before you turn blah.
Its a good one, that one. Because making a list means you see a future. In which you have the power to do things. Something to work towards, something to tick mark. It means having moments best described by this awesome song from Ru-ba-ru:
यह जो पल, यह पल है सुहाना
जिंदगी जीने का एक छोटा सा बहाना
So yeah, i'll make a list.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Yaay! Blogpost material
Says one of the many messages on the cast on my leg. No one should be surprised that i hurt myself, but this one is cool in so many ways, where do i begin?
1. I didnt stumble. Or fall. Or miss a step. And yet within the span of a second there grew a lump of the kind they show in the mug-shots of goiter patients near my ankle.
Happened while i was skipping down the stairs, headed for our Friday bash. Friends gathered around. No one was sure how big ankles really are, so i was made to remove my other shoe so we could compare. Result was non-zero. Went back to my seat and waited for the burger that my Friday bash was reduced to.
2. Was driven to a big hospital in a big car by two big and very kind people.
My uncle tells me i missed Lata Mangeshkar being hospitalized there for a knee replacement surgery by a day. Damn.
3. Where i was wheeled around in a wheel chair! Something about a guy pushing you from behind, i dont know, it gives you a feeling of meeting the world head-on. Bring it on, i wanted to yell to all the curtains we went through, i'm ready for you! Genius that i am, i mastered operating the thing in the two minutes he left me alone with it. I'm ready to yettu podu on it, that is how comfortable i am.
4. One of the doctor's assistants came to look at the x-ray (in which my flat feet dont look flat. At all). He peered at the x-ray, squinted at it, tilted it at all angles, went a few steps back and started at it from a distance and in general spent a lot of time looking for whatever he was looking for in it. I wanted to tell him, what with me being such an expert on all things medical having watched Grey's Anatomy AND House AND err... Scrubs, dude, thats not how the cool ones do it. Just a glance tells them whats in there. He then gave up on the photograph and moved on to the real thing. Poked around the swelling for a while. I really should have accidentally kicked him while i could.
5. I got to see, live and exclusive, the cast being put on my foot! The PoP strips, the cotton, the bandage, the tub of water, all of it! The two other times i was casted, i woke up with the cast. This time i saw the miracle. Blessed are my eyes.
(Reminds me of the first time i had stitches. I was so mad it was my upper lip that was getting stitched. I wanted too see! The second time around it was my finger, i am ashamed to admit it was too chicken to see).
I did embarrass myself by asking him whether my jeans would come off once he put on the cast. I was worried, the only alternative i could see was to live in them for 15 days. It didnt occur to me they could be cut, until one kind man asked me if they were my favourite. Then i wanted to cry.
6. I got crutches!!! From the hospital, on rent, because that foot has a ligament torn and is not to be disturbed until further notice. So much advance thinking and execution is really not me. I am that person who would reach office, keep one foot out and then wonder how to climb up two floors without using the other foot. I dont know what got into me. Whatever it is, i hope it stays.
7. Got delivered home in a car by another kind soul. Even though i'd told them about the cast and the crutches, it was pretty dramatic. The 10 meters i had to walk from the car to the door, i did it with such ease and grace and speed, i could have been walking on four legs all my life.People said so.
8. And now for the best part. The cast has writing all over it! The few hours i spent in office before i could be transported home, i spent guilting people into writing messages on it. Because comments are so precious, i have to reply to them!
Lalit/Mohsin
<insert-name-of-process-that-does-all-the-work> was killed" - Genius. Pure genius. If only it was mirror imaged.
Zarin
Yaay! Blogpost material - Nothing but.
Charuta
Gym mein mat aana - Sob. Naheeeeee! Please? I promise to run on just one leg!
VijayG
!Work from home - too late. People missed the "not" and decided i was desperate enough to write it down.
Pushkar
Get well soon :) - like Zarin said, someone had to say it! Also its the only one my grandfather "got" and it made him happy. So thanks!
Charuta
You are NOT Claire :O - Again, genius. Yes, i know that now.
Nishant
Nerve Panic - Heh. Thats one problem we wont be asking you to reproduce!
Thats it folks. See you in two weeks with hollow armpits, etched out biceps and one very fit leg.
1. I didnt stumble. Or fall. Or miss a step. And yet within the span of a second there grew a lump of the kind they show in the mug-shots of goiter patients near my ankle.
Happened while i was skipping down the stairs, headed for our Friday bash. Friends gathered around. No one was sure how big ankles really are, so i was made to remove my other shoe so we could compare. Result was non-zero. Went back to my seat and waited for the burger that my Friday bash was reduced to.
2. Was driven to a big hospital in a big car by two big and very kind people.
My uncle tells me i missed Lata Mangeshkar being hospitalized there for a knee replacement surgery by a day. Damn.
3. Where i was wheeled around in a wheel chair! Something about a guy pushing you from behind, i dont know, it gives you a feeling of meeting the world head-on. Bring it on, i wanted to yell to all the curtains we went through, i'm ready for you! Genius that i am, i mastered operating the thing in the two minutes he left me alone with it. I'm ready to yettu podu on it, that is how comfortable i am.
4. One of the doctor's assistants came to look at the x-ray (in which my flat feet dont look flat. At all). He peered at the x-ray, squinted at it, tilted it at all angles, went a few steps back and started at it from a distance and in general spent a lot of time looking for whatever he was looking for in it. I wanted to tell him, what with me being such an expert on all things medical having watched Grey's Anatomy AND House AND err... Scrubs, dude, thats not how the cool ones do it. Just a glance tells them whats in there. He then gave up on the photograph and moved on to the real thing. Poked around the swelling for a while. I really should have accidentally kicked him while i could.
5. I got to see, live and exclusive, the cast being put on my foot! The PoP strips, the cotton, the bandage, the tub of water, all of it! The two other times i was casted, i woke up with the cast. This time i saw the miracle. Blessed are my eyes.
(Reminds me of the first time i had stitches. I was so mad it was my upper lip that was getting stitched. I wanted too see! The second time around it was my finger, i am ashamed to admit it was too chicken to see).
I did embarrass myself by asking him whether my jeans would come off once he put on the cast. I was worried, the only alternative i could see was to live in them for 15 days. It didnt occur to me they could be cut, until one kind man asked me if they were my favourite. Then i wanted to cry.
6. I got crutches!!! From the hospital, on rent, because that foot has a ligament torn and is not to be disturbed until further notice. So much advance thinking and execution is really not me. I am that person who would reach office, keep one foot out and then wonder how to climb up two floors without using the other foot. I dont know what got into me. Whatever it is, i hope it stays.
7. Got delivered home in a car by another kind soul. Even though i'd told them about the cast and the crutches, it was pretty dramatic. The 10 meters i had to walk from the car to the door, i did it with such ease and grace and speed, i could have been walking on four legs all my life.People said so.
8. And now for the best part. The cast has writing all over it! The few hours i spent in office before i could be transported home, i spent guilting people into writing messages on it. Because comments are so precious, i have to reply to them!
Lalit/Mohsin
<insert-name-of-process-that-does-all-the-work> was killed" - Genius. Pure genius. If only it was mirror imaged.
Zarin
Yaay! Blogpost material - Nothing but.
Charuta
Gym mein mat aana - Sob. Naheeeeee! Please? I promise to run on just one leg!
VijayG
!Work from home - too late. People missed the "not" and decided i was desperate enough to write it down.
Pushkar
Get well soon :) - like Zarin said, someone had to say it! Also its the only one my grandfather "got" and it made him happy. So thanks!
Charuta
You are NOT Claire :O - Again, genius. Yes, i know that now.
Nishant
Nerve Panic - Heh. Thats one problem we wont be asking you to reproduce!
Thats it folks. See you in two weeks with hollow armpits, etched out biceps and one very fit leg.
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