Crawling in the dark

While I can run, I'll run
While I can walk, I'll walk
When I can only crawl, I'll crawl
But by the grace of God I'll always be moving forward

says a computer printout that mysteriously appeared in my room yesterday. People I think are trying to tell me something. Life does seem to have stagnated in most areas. If you look closely, you might even get to see the faint green moss that has grown over it. The only crawling i do, i do when i write.

But today, even that didn't seem enough. Today, I hit rock bottom. Today, I picked up Corman. Getting rid of my ignorance/dislike/fear of Data Structures has been on my "things i must do before i am 20" and "things i must do before i am 30" list and is currently in the lead for the "things i must do before i am 40" list. And ordinarily, this doesn't trouble me. I've accepted it as one of the minor irritants of life that one must learn to live with, much like raincoats. But on days like today, when i feel like a big gesture, I pick up Corman. Someday I hope to get what he and his friends want to say. I'm sure it is something beautiful. I can see it sometimes, when someone gives me a problem to solve. And the solution. Or when i get to see the difference between n and n^2 in real life. But mostly, it all appears as just a lot of maths, getting rid of a fear of which is also list material.

So I read Corman. Because 2 pages of that means I'm no longer crawling. And because someday I have to stop being such a kid and start taking interviews. Whichever way i look at it, growing up is not fun.