Book Tagged!

Arjun booked tagged me and then nagged me to do my obligation. Not that I'm ungrateful. I LOVE books and look upon this as a God(?)-sent opportunity. So, here goes.

Number of books I have read
200+ excluding Enid Blyton, Agatha Cristie, P.G. Wodehouse

Number of books I own
10+
(Shameful I know, but I plan to buy more when I grow up!)

Number of books stolen/borrowed
Again 10+
(And its not like I stole them. It was more of a family effort, excluding my parents and me)

My first book(s)
Jurassic Park
Shall we tell the president
Coma
(listing all three since I don't exactly remember the order)

Books right up there...

Forever
1. Atlas Shrugged
(it manages to unsettle me every time I read it)
2. Trinity by Leon Uris
(Exodus has a better, more uplifting story, but the characters in Trinity are amazing. I fell in love with Conor Larkin)
3. H2G2
4. Harry Potter series

Youth
1. Not a penny more, not a penny less
2. Guns of Navaron
3. The evening news
4. The Bourne identity

Childhood
1. Enid Blyton (all of them!)
2. Tintin

Classics
1. Gone with the wind
2. The mill on the floss
(The central idea was something that had been bothering me, so I guess I liked it all the more)

Over-hyped books
1. The Alchemist (life changing? Come on!)
2. Love Story ( very sweet, but also very forgettable)
3. Kane and Abel (call it blasphemy, but I read "The Prodigal Daughter" first and liked it better)

Best movie made from a book
Gone with the wind

Worst movie made from a book
The Bourne Identity

Authors I keep away from
Sidney Sheldon (unless I'm really desperate)

Books that make me wish I were a child
Harry Potter series
(Although I don't really believe I can enjoy them more!)

Books I wish I'd never touched
1. Some Sidney Sheldon that put me off the guy forever
2. Doctor Zhivago. Maybe I was too young, but all I remember of the story is that he has three wives. And that he dies.

Current read
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
(Makes some sense in some places)

TBD...
1. Ulysis
2. 1984
3. Redemption
4. Crime and Punishment
5. To kill a mockingbird

An empty mind, they say, is a devil's workshop. I say the devil never had it so good! There are enough workshops around for him to get into big time mass production and teach China a lesson or two.
One of life's little ironies. When it is crammed with "unwanted" stuff, you have a long list of things you wish it were filled with instead. You want to read, you want to watch movies, you want to play all games invented and discovered, you want to write, you want to lie down on your bed thinking of everything and nothing...
Take away the unwanted, and the wanted goes along. Reading and writing seem to require too much discipline. No movie you watch seems worth even your worthless time. Its always too hot for games. Nothing is not as interesting as you thought it would be.

Somehow, fighting over the remote for control seems more exciting than control of an uncontested one.

Day 5
Yippie! I'm going home!! This last week is going to be terrible. And not only because of the heat. Because of all this senseless, workless waiting. I hope I don't forget the tickets this time! I did a clever thing, keeping them in my purse the day I bought them.

Day 4
I've already started packing. All the stuff I want to take home (mostly consisting of clothes I am too lazy or incompetent to wash myself) lies on my chair. And the tickets? Safe in my purse.

Day 3
Got books from the book club. My nightmare would be a train journey without a book to read. Another would be me getting lost in the book and forgetting to get off (not impossible, I've done stuff almost that bad). One thing I won't be forgetting this time are the tickets.

Day 2
Collected material. Bought CDs. Wrote them. After all they are the second most important I'm talking along. The first? The tickets, of course. And where are they? In my purse, of course. I never knew I could be so organized!

Day 1
Paid the mess bill. Just in time. How they get away with charging so much for garbage is beyond me. The only thing worse is paying a fine to consume stuff prepared by people who flunked the pre-entrance test for the worst cookery school in the world. At least I wont be paying a fine to the railway authorities this time.

Day 0
Tell everybody I'm on my way... I hope these rickshaw people don't think I'm mad. I can't help it, I just can't wipe the huge smile off my face! I don't care! I'm going home! 10 people in a 6 seater as usual, not counting the driver and my luggage. I don't care! I'm going home! Ouch! That pothole hurt! I don't care! I'm going home! With the tickets this time! In the safety of my purse.
My purse???

What happens when a laid back, unfocused, unambitious, "I-don't-know-where-I'm-going-and-am-in-no-hurry-to-get-there" person gets into the driver's seat? Initially there is this immense sense of freedom, of control. Of finally being able to direct the course of your life, of being able to do exactly what you want to. You go superfast when you feel like it and stop in the middle of nowhere when you don't. You stop to smell every flower, to splash around in every pond, to gaze at every sunset. You experience everything you missed when someone else in a hurry was driving and you were just a hitchhiker they picked up. Pretty soon though, the distractions start to rule. You stop to smell even those flowers that make you sneeze every time you get anywhere near them. You splash around in the slimest of ponds. And you stop to look at the sun set even though you see no beauty in it anymore. What is the use of freedom, you ask yourself, if you use it do the same things that you did when you were not free? And then one day you stop driving - you don't see the point. If you don't have to get anywhere in particular, this place is as good as any. You see other cars zipping by, and you tell yourself they are fools. They don't know how to live.
One day, you are so bored of just existing, you get into the car. Just to do something different. Cruise along aimlessly for some time. The driver of a speeding car looks at you and laughs. And you get angry. Do you think I cant drive faster, you yell. I don't want to. I am more in control than you will ever be. But he has sped off. You decide to catch up with him, just to show him you can. And that one thought drives you. You speed up the car. You are a little rusty, but it all starts to come back. Habit takes over and very soon you are driving faster than you've done in months. You don't see the flowers. Or the ponds. You don't even know how many times the sun has set since you started to drive.
You do catch up with him in the end. As you pass him he waves at you, the wave intended as a salute and taken as one. The sunset never seemed as beautiful as it does that night.
You are glad to be back on the road again, glad to have your life back. You just hope, as you watch the last rays of the sun disappear, that you are not one of those people who need to be driven.

The eternal pessimist

Strange, how unexpected good luck is as difficult to digest as unexpected bad luck. Be it an unexpected bonus, unexpected grades or anything. You know you don't deserve it. Everyone around you knows you don't deserve it. And yet, there it is. And the same question going around in everyone's mind - "Why her?" And you have no answers.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there isn't a part of my heart that wants to dance around with joy, justice be damned. But its movement is severely restricted by the heavier parts. One part is weighed down by embarrassment, one by fear.
Fear? Apprehension is more like it. Because hidden somewhere deep inside is the concept of God. That He runs the world. That His system is not arbitrary, but a well defined one of checks and balances. And an unexpected balance in your account means an unexpected check is waiting for you somewhere.

I do manage to make winning a lottery sound like the most terrifying thing in the world, don't I ?

I feel so special. You see, I have my own personal sun. Sitting right over my head, shining just for me. Don't get me wrong, Mr. V-sun, I'm not being ungrateful, but could you please move back a little? Because, you see, I'm starting to melt!
Everyone here has had it with the heat. A friend and I spent half an hour yesterday looking for places with suns a little less eager to rise and shine. Right now, Darjeeling looks like a cool place to be in. And while that looks difficult owing to my present commitments, I do have another dream. A dream of getting my own Dar(jee)ling into my room.

It all begins with him walking into my room. Tall, dark, and so what if he is not handsome? A flick of a switch, and my world is transformed! I'm curled up in bed under a blanket, probably even wearing a sweater, steaming hot coffee in one hand a book in another. I look out of the window and see snow covered peaks, ski slopes, snowmen, snowball fights...

I know it doesn't make sense. But that's the great thing about dreams. They don't have to.

Seven degrees of boredom
(Haven't had to stoop down to 7th degree for quite some days now)

1. Visiting my own blog. And those of all the people I know. 10 times a day.

2. Orkutting. Scrapping stuff you could later blackmail me with into scrap books of people living a stone's throw away.

3. A walk all the way to the department, just to switch off the lights in some lab (someone will be proud of me)

4. Clothes-free chair

5. Dust-free room

6. Study

7. Bathe

The Past
No schedule, no deadlines, each day a blank page to be filled with anything you like. Most of mine I filled with movies, visits to/from others trying to fill in the blanks and occasional worries about whether the aged would cough up. Life last week was a leaf straight out of a P.G. Wodehouse novel!
I've often wondered while enjoying his books what it must feel like to lead such utterly meaningless lives. Now I know. Its terrible! Not that life otherwise is very meaningful, but it sure is full, leaving very less scope or necessity for meaning. Someone very rightly said - Man invented work to keep himself from thinking. If you sit down to think - "what am I doing here, what is the point of all this" you are not likely to get anywhere. So just keep moving, at least to keep up the illusion that you are getting somewhere.

The Present
Life this week is back to normal. Work. Strangely, I'm more at peace with it. Maybe because I've been to the other side and seen that the grass there is not so green.

It was an important decision and you were glad it wasn't too difficult for you to make. Of all the paths that crossed yours, you had finally decided the one you wanted to go on. It looked interesting, it looked promising, it looked pretty much what you wanted (which was a very big thing since you were never sure exactly what was it that you wanted). And so you took your first baby steps on your new path. Didn't seem all that exciting or different at first, but you knew all that would come later.
You had not gone too far when lightening stuck. There was rain, there was thunder, the sun disappeared for days. And you had to decide. To go on or turn back. You peered into the rain, hoping for a glimpse of what lay ahead. But it only rained harder and stung your eyes. Finally, tired of standing in the rain, soaked to the innermost bone, you decided to continue. You just hoped that somewhere along the path when the sun did finally come out, it would all turn out to be the way you wanted it to be.

That's it!! I'm done. Never ever ever again! Somebody do me a HUGE favour and take the responsibility of killing me if I ever show the slightest inclination of going academic again!
Yes !! Just back from my laaast ever exam. It was a horror, but everyone was scared so I don't feel so stupid. That's the beauty of relative grading. You're fine as long as everyone is down. Aaah, feels so wonderful. And for once the weather matches my mood. Its just stopped raining, everything is fresh and green and cool. Its just perfect! How I wish feelings could be recorded. I don't think I've felt this immense sense of freedom ever! Been jumping and skipping in the corridors, causing minor earthquakes everywhere, but who cares! I'm freeeeeeeeee !!!

Golden rule #1
(For those trying to decide whether something in their life is worth keeping)

If you're going to miss the fact that you had it more that you're going to miss it, you're better off without it.

Lost a ear ring yesterday. This is how I'm trying to console myself. Not really working :(

Random musings

Hmm, another presentation. Thank God ours is over! Now I can listen to what the others say. He's supposed to be really chaapu, hope he says something that I can understand... oh noooo, not about probability. I'll switch off :(( Oh come on, don't be such a child. 12th standard kids are not as afraid of probability. You've at least got to try. Hmm, so far so good... What are they fighting over like this? Is it possible that i've understood and they haven't?? Uh ho, I'm lost. Well, what else did I expect? God, I'm hungry! Look around... has anyone got money along? Whom can I sponge off for a treat? Is he going to talk about probability throughout? Been ages since I went for swimming. I might just be able to make it today... if only they stop fighting. Its actually quite nice in here. Thank God the department has AC! Imagine having to do this in a hot stuffy room. Can the heat really get worse? The sun will have to come down to Kanpur for that. I've been hearing only one voice for some time now. Ooh, they've stopped fighting! Yeees! Ooh, one of the fighters has dozed off! Wish I could do that too... Haven't blogged in ages. Wonder what I can write about... why doesn't something interesting happen in my life? Hmm, maybe I could write about... Why does he keep disturbing my thoughts? Can't he speak a little softer? Wonder what he was thinking about during my presentation? I hope it was something very interesting and I hope I thoroughly bugged him. Actually, he's not bad. But why does he have to talk about probability? And why do they have to hang the stupid clock at the back of the class? God knows the listeners need it more than the speakers! Wish I had eyes at the back of my head... Hey, eveyone is getting up. Hurrah!! The end!

"It can't be done without you."
"How can you say no?"
"Pleaseeeeeeeeee"

And of course I fall for it. Every time. Go against my instincts, my wishes, go thinking I'm doing someone a big favour, go thinking I'm going to save the world and end up finding out that the world didn't really need any saving. And even if it did, there were others much better equipped to save it.
No one ever makes me the scapegoat. I stick my neck out and volunteer.

Some people never learn.

(I know some of you might read this, please don't take it the wrong way. I know you thought the world needed saving too.)

A big day in the history of me

I've been crying, cribbing, pining, dreaming about my own pair of speakers even since I got here. Of course that's not all I did. I'm surprisingly active when it comes to such things. If all the people I unsuccessfully tried to sponge, beg, bulldoze into gifting me one ever turn up with speakers, I can supply speakers to a whole wholesale market! Friends, relatives, friends friends, friends relatives...
Cut to the present. The near present actually. My parents come to visit me and tell me in very clear words to stop all this nonsense and go buy one for me myself. And the good little child that I am, I obey! And they there are - two tiny bundles of joy. Small, black, unpretentious, you hardly notice them until they start talking. And then, you shutup and listen!
I've had headphones for sometime now, but with speakers its totally different. With headphones, the song is a part of you. Its like listening to yourself sing a beautiful song. For those like me who find the very idea impossible, imagine you sing like lata or rafi. Though its wonderful, sometimes you just want to be an audience. To be able to listen when you want to and switch off when you don't. And that is why I LOVE my speakers. And my parents, for making me do this.

Sour grapes?

I see people work. I see them put in days and nights. I see them at 2 in the morning, fighting against time, against sleep to meet the deadline, a hundred thousand dollars hanging in the balance. And I say to myself - thank god I'm working only for a grade.

I see people playing for their country. I see their every stroke analyzed, every move commented upon. I see them being deified with every win and written off with every defeat. And I say to myself - thank god I only play for fun.

I see people in public life. I see their every word being heard, every mannerism being imitated, every mistake being recorded. I see them having to live up to images they haven't created. And I say to myself - thank god, my life is my own.

I see people. I see them staking everything on their ideas, their beliefs, their passions. I see them flying with the highs and sinking in the lows. I see them drunk on achievement, I see them drunk in sorrow. And I say to myself - thank god I never lived?

I am a water girl, as anyone who as seen me anywhere close to water will readily tell you. I love being in water, splashing in water, sitting in water, lying in water... I love water. Get me next to a river, pond, sea, bathtub, and you will see this little child who has been in water enough times to not be afraid, and not enough times to have got used to it all. What completes the illusion is "mommies and aunties" still telling me not to go in too far. I believe I've actually heard myself say my dream is to be a buffalo, sitting in water all day long, doing nothing, doing everything...

All this gushing about water because I've finally come to terms with the huge dent it will cause in my fortune and joined the swimming pool here. And even though the thought of me in a swim suit brings a big smile to many-a-faces, the thought of me in water brings a bigger smile to mine.

You thought you could be one of those people? Them with the shining eyes, the wide smiles, the faraway look on their faces. With senses that are lost to the world. Who think nothing of screaming to the wind - "I'm going home!"

Hah! Think again.

Here I am, finally having a home that I can go back to, and how do I spend my holidays? In an empty hostel, with a thesis, a couple of term papers and some assignments for company. Happy holidays? Good joke!

It didn't turn out to be all that bad, though. It started off with a one day trip to Agra, where we judiciously skipped the mental hospital in case any of the inmates recognized people of their kind. Took a couple of days off to take care of the strain from the trip. And overcompensated for all the misery by sleeping and watching movies when awake.

Its almost the end of the holidays and here I am. With almost as much baggage as I had at the beginning, only, facing a much steeper climb.

Closed eyes, clenched fists. A racing heart, pumping excitement and fear.
Leap!
Don't think, don't look. Just let go.
Maybe you'd fall. Bruised for life and forever afraid.
But maybe, just maybe, you'll fly!

This post is one such leap. Our trip to Agra tomorrow is another.

(The reader may be forgiven for thinking the writer has lept, fallen and incurred major brain damages)

There he stood, tense, alert for the slightest sign of weakness. It was as much a matter of will power as anything else. But even the strong walls of determination could not stop the picture from creeping in. A picture of him, far far away from this maddening civilization, him in an isolated, idyllic place, living life as it is supposed to be lived. Eyes shut tight, he shook his head and hoped the picture would disappear. It was a weakness he could not permit. Had he not been taught the difference between right and wrong? Had he not learnt? Had not the beliefs of generations before him passed on to him? Dangerous things to be passed on - beliefs, he thought. They make you do things without the whys. Shaking that thought away, he plunged into the battleground before anything else could distract him.
He emerged victorious, triumphant, a better person. As he celebrated his victory, a small voice within him said - its not over yet. There's always tomorrow.

Why do we have to bathe everyday?

The only way to learn it all is to learn it all before you learn to ask why

I have developed a newfound respect for Hindi teachers these past few months. How do they ever manage to explain why a pencil is a female but a rubber is a male? I've had to face many such whys here, there being an abundance of Begalis and Andhrites most of whom are deficient in Hindi and are trying their best to make up. A few snippets of conversation will give you an idea of what i'm up against.

Late for class, i'm desperately looking for a bucket to have a bath. I ask my friend who had beat me to the bathroom whether she is done with her's.
V: Becket Milega ?
F: Haan, i'm almost done.
(F is handing V the bucket over the door)
F: Hold on, bucket is male ??
V: Hmm, good question. Ya, it probably is.
F: (Shocked) Are you sure?
V: Well, i know balti is female. We can use that if it makes you feel better. Bucket, i'm not so sure.
F: How can you not be sure?
All this and lots more, with the bucket hanging patiently over the door. The class, do you even need to ask?


F: Main kitna achcha Hindi keh rahi hoon
V: Hindi is female, and it should be bol, not keh
F: (All worked up) Whats the big difference between kehna and bolna ?
V was speechless. V should have said its the same difference between saying and talking. But of course, it didn't strike V then. Strange though, convert the problem to a familiar domain and it doesn't remain a problem anymore. Maybe its not all that illogical. Or maybe, they're all illogical.


Everyone is desperately studying for this horror of an exam. Of course all exams are horrors, but this one is in a class of its own.
F: Main sab bhool gaya
V: Come on, dont say that. You know it's not right. You should say main sab bhool gayi
F of course doesn't see the humour and throws whatever she can lay her hands on at V.


Fed up of being wrong and being corrected, and having lost all hopes of finding logical answers to their whys, they come up with a brilliant strategy. They'll all talk in plural from now. No more gender problems!

Main aur bucket nahane gaye the !