The eternal pessimist

Strange, how unexpected good luck is as difficult to digest as unexpected bad luck. Be it an unexpected bonus, unexpected grades or anything. You know you don't deserve it. Everyone around you knows you don't deserve it. And yet, there it is. And the same question going around in everyone's mind - "Why her?" And you have no answers.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there isn't a part of my heart that wants to dance around with joy, justice be damned. But its movement is severely restricted by the heavier parts. One part is weighed down by embarrassment, one by fear.
Fear? Apprehension is more like it. Because hidden somewhere deep inside is the concept of God. That He runs the world. That His system is not arbitrary, but a well defined one of checks and balances. And an unexpected balance in your account means an unexpected check is waiting for you somewhere.

I do manage to make winning a lottery sound like the most terrifying thing in the world, don't I ?