Moonlighting

Prologue

Granny fainted. Fell down very gracefully, according to reports, so no bones were broken. However, she couldnt sit up on her own after that, leave alone move about. Several ambulance rides later, she finally settled down to life on a single cot in her room. As much as grannys are capable of settling down. She was more active lying on that cot than most people with 4 limbs in working condition. Her bouts of activity resulted in more falling down. And so the family high council decided to send me to keep night-watch and cry wolf if needed. Of course i slept on the job, choosing my sleeping position strategically so that if she ever fell down, an alarm would involuntarily escape my throat. Only problem was, people in their second childhood went to sleep at 9...

Chapter 1

To the idiot whose wi-fi signal spills over to my granny's bedroom,

Who the *&@#^% taught you to use WPA for your connection?? Such knowledge is most unexpected and disturbing at several levels. Do you have any idea what it does to my post dinner socializing? All i can do between 9 and 11 now is watch movies on my laptop.

Epilogue

Today i forgot to get headphones from home.

P.S.

(Yeah, my story has a P.S. You have a problem? )

Do not lecture me on the risks of using open wi-fi networks. If there is a hacker in this area, losing the few movies i carry around in my laptop'd be totally worth fishing him/her out!

Presenting...

At an age at which, if i'd been even remotely following the great Indian timetable, i should have presented two kids, one car and one husband, i, maybe not proudly but definitely unashamedly present - my new two wheeler!

Its finally home! Not without hiccups, where would be the fun in that. How does it change my life? Let me count the ways.

1. No more kicking the bike every morning. Apart from the physical damage to my back etc, it just felt wrong. I felt like one of those heartless people who overload an old donkey and beat it with a stick to make it go.

2. No more being forced to wear sports shoes to work because kicking in ahem, delicate sandals is not good. Not for the sandals, not for the foot.

3. No more getting into ridiculous situations.
I'm on my way to a friends birthday breakfast. I park near the restaurant (ironically named Good Luck) and reach for the key to shut off the vehicle, only to discover - no key! The damn thing has fallen off a running vehicle. After giggling for a while at the ridiculousness of not being able to shut off you vehicle, i decide to do something about it. I vaguely remember hearing a clang somewhere on the way and retrace my route. The one-ways along the way do their bit to help. No keys. No pink skateboard key chain bhai bought from Germany either. At this point, my brain has decided that even if for some reason the vehicle does stop, i will not be able to start it again without a key. You could be stranded in the middle of the road, it says. I dont reason why. I focus on keeping the engine running like my life depends on it. Take the vehicle to this faraway key maker i know because of one of my previous stupidities. He fixes me a new key in less than two minutes and tells me to keep it in my pocket at all times. Even while riding. Ride back to Good Luck, where folks are still patiently waiting and more importantly, so is the cake
That morning, a hole in the ozone layer is named after me.

4. No more polluting the city. Once the ozone layer forgives the above incident, maybe it and i can work on being friends again.

5. Out of a sense of shame that i didnt know i have, i'll be wearing a helmet from now on. Only problem is the helmet i have (and have had for ages) ENTIRELY COINCIDENTALLY just happens to be the same colour as my bike. Having laughed at colour coordinated people all my life, i'm not sure i have it me to do this.


P.S. In case your keys ever fall off, remember:
Bikes CAN be started without keys.The kick will work. So will the button start.
Pressing the choke shuts off the vehicle. If you ask me for the science behind that, i will ignore you.

HBD

For reasons that hopefully have nothing to do with age, i sent out the following text as mail to everyone in my office. It also talked about sweets, so people forgave the mail (i think). You never know, though.

Time: 3rd Feb, around 11 p.m.
Place: Inside Vinaya's head


Really?

Yeah.

Just because the earth went around the sun once more since you popped
out?

Yeah.

Arent we getting a little old for this?

[silence]

Ahh. Right. Sorry. No age talk on the birthday.

Yeah.

Did we in any way help the earth on its journey?

No.

Did we maybe deflect a passing meteor, clear some asteroids out of the
way?

No.

So we just hopped on for a free ride.

Yeah.

And yet we celebrate.

Yeah.

Oh my god! If it were up to you, you'd still wear a new frock and
distribute lollipops, wouldnt you?

Of course not!

I give up. Happy Birthday. Have a great day.

Oh i will.