Skiiiiing we will go !!

Its that time of the sem again. The adventure club here has sent out a list of stuff they've got planned for the holidays. Last sem, all the options sounded so exciting, choosing one really tore me apart. This time, it's not so bad. Rafting i've already done (an account which is very long overdue), mountain biking on my khatari doesn't sound too exciting, so its only rock climbing and skiing. And the winner is - of course, i'm going to ski !!

I've been dreaming of snow forever - i want to see it, touch it, feel it, throw it, do everything that can be done with it. Aaah, i just can't wait! And whats making it more difficult is the response i'm getting from people around. From "not interested" to "interested, but there are concerns" to "interested and excited, but will pretend not to be just to torture you" to "interested and excited, but will not jump around like you" .
I miss all the people who could jump to my frequency. The resonance can really take you places.

The name was whispered in dark, secret, corridors. Fear and loathing mingled with admiration when people said - "There goes Vinaya di".
(The di being a sad reminder of the fact that i'm older than everyone here, except probably the building)

It's almost the end of Josh and broken limbs and lots of egg on my face notwithstanding, it was totally worth it! I/we reached the semi-finals in a couple of games, and what caused the above highly exaggerated but not completely imaginary description was the fact that it was completely unexpected. Most people here have been around for some years now, and everyone knows everyone. They didn't really expect a bunch of m tech/mba rookies to storm into the semis. But storm we did. And though the semis are not over yet, i think we've created history.
There i go again. Somebody please stop me before i give myself the Bharat Ratna for outstanding contribution to Indian sports at the intra-IIT level!

Sorry for the interruption
(break in time supply)

It's been one crazy week. It's 6.30 p.m. and i've just got up from my sleep crazy. Josh, the intra IIT sports festival has been going on for a week - i don't think anything or anyone ever has a more suitable name! It exactly fits the mood in the campus. Yours truly of course, quite susceptible to being carried away (which is amazing, cos with all the mass one would expect some inertia), went ahead and registered for everything. Baddie, TT, basky, phatta (informal cricket), kho kho, pitthu, singles doubles, mixed... She stopped only when she found it difficult to remember the names of the events she was participating in.
One week later, older, wiser, worn out and bruised, she has wisdom to share.
1. Your life is never as devoid of responsibilities as you'd like it to be
2. Assignment deadlines have a way of turning up at the most inconvenient moments.
3. I'm going to play n games <==> I'm going to lose n games
4. It really hurts to be the dumb blonde in a game (minus the looks, so actually, all you've got is dumb)
5. It is more satisfying to play well and lose than to play poorly and win.

The week also reinforced some existing beliefs. Games are fun, fun, fun! And i have miles to go before i get where i want to be.

If you are what you eat, i am a boiled potato
If you are what you wear, i don't decide who i am
If you are what your thoughts are, i am confusion
If you are what you read, i am still a teenager
How I wish it could be
If you are what you can be, i am me!

Don't show me the cold

It'll get cooooold, they told me. And i told everyone.
The temperature will go below zero, they said. I passed it on.
Can't surivie without a blower or heater, they said. I didn't doubt their wisdom. Sweaters, jackets, gloves, socks, mufflers - something to cover everything, they said. I obeyed.

He's up to His games again, i guess. Its almost the end of January, and there is no sign of the monster i've been dreading ever since i came here. Keep it up for one more year Sir, and i'll be eternally grateful.

I know its a dog eats dog world out there. And I know i'll starve if I dont eat. And yet, when I walk all over someone else's dream to get to my own, I cant help but shudder. Someday, someone will be doing the same to mine. Will I then be so practical about the whole thing? Will I be able to say - "Poor guy. If he hadn't snatched my food, he'd have nothing to eat". I don't think so.

But, thats the way it is. The world is so filled with people that if you want something, you'll find ten others who want it as bad or even more. And if you get it, they dont.

As someone wise has said - its me, myself, and then the world.

New haircut? Did you fall asleep at the hairdresser's?

And you really thought it couldn't get worse...

Oh my God! Did the hairdresser fall asleep?

Important tasks like this should never be left for the last minute. Not having enough time to visit a tried and tested place (whereby only i get accused of having succumbed to sleep), i experimented. And so did the hairdresser, looking at the results. Looks like she found the final solution to my curly hair problem - no hair, no curl!

If anyone ever has any doubts about the ability of music to reach to the very depth of the soul, just put on your headphones, close your eyes, and listen to Rehman sing "Yeh jo des hai tera".

I'm single !!

And have been for the 20 odd years of my life. So what's new? Got a room to match! Moved into a single room at the hostel a couple of days ago. One whole tiny room, all to myself. To be myself.
What's the big deal, one might ask. After all, i've been living single in a double room for some time now. But its not the same. Not at all. The empty bed, the extra furiture, everything in a double room reminds you that someone is missing. In this tiny place, with just enough space for me, myself and my world, I feel comlpete.

Karmanye vadhikaraste maa faleshu kadachana ...

How can you watch other people enjoy the fruits of your labour, while you go hungry? No matter how hungry they are, no matter how happy it makes them, will not your hunger stop you from feeling happy for them?

Makes you feel like a victim. Makes you resent people you should not. And worst of all, acts as a deterrent for all future endeavors.

To B and S, two of the most proactive people i know. Genuinely sorry things didn't work out. And though I can’t answer the whys, I hope you keep up the spirit.

Not awake and yet not asleep
In a world where reality is a dream and dream reality
I suddenly hear voices that don't belong
Startled, afraid,
Strangers in my home!

Takes an eternal instant
For reality to become itself
For me to realize
That I am the stranger in someone else's home.

You've been uprooted and planted in totally new surroundings. It's a new life in a new place with new people. And yet, within no time, you stop noticing the difference. It all seems perfectly normal until some small incident, utterly insignificant in itself, puts things into perspective.


I'm walking along the hostel corridor when at some distance i spot two bai's chatting. When i get a little closer, i'm shocked to hear them speak Hindi! Bai's are supposed to speak Marathi, I want to tell them, it's like their mother tongue. And then i realize i'm in Hindi's homeland.

I'm just a student like everyone else around. Exams, projects, assignments - you get the picture. One day i notice one of my classmates typing. She's doing it slower than i can do without looking at the keyboard. And it all comes back to me.

I'm riding my cycle to the department and i see two people on a Kinetic. Not a very rare sight, almost an everyday occurrence. And yet, one day it reminds me that I too have one of these back home. I actually have to imagine what it must feel like to ride a vehicle again.

The most effective way to shorten a line is to draw a bigger one

Here I am, on Platform 9 at Allahabad railway station, surrounded by blood thirsty mosquitoes and the biting cold, waiting for a train that is 9 hours late, and yet, i'm not really complaining. Though not exactly singing "God's in his heaven and all's right with the world, i don't subscribe to the popular opinion around that the railways have been taken over by the devil.
All because my waiting list seat got confirmed !

A day less ordinary

Girls Hostel - IIT Gate - some place halfway between IIT and railway station - Kalianpur - Girls Hostel - SAC bus stop - Gol Chauraha - Jhakarghatti (NO, i did not make that up) - Gol Chauraha - IIT Gate - Girls Hostel

Sounds like a busy, productive morning? Busy, of course, productive, hah!

Let me start at the very beginning of this tale of extra-ordinary stupidity. 'm so ashamed of it, i want the world to hear it and laugh at my face so that i dont do such things again (I know the world doesn't read my blog, but i really can't yell this out from rooftops)

It all started one fins (?) Sunday morning. It was the day i was to leave for home after 5 months of stay in the hostel. The day started with me getting up an hour and a half later than i'd planned and 20 minutes before i'd planned to leave. No self respecting girl can get ready in 20 minutes and neither did i. I did manage to get out in less than an hour though. Everything packed, breakfast eaten, goodbyes said, i was on my way to the railway station marveling at me speed and efficiency when lightening stuck. I'd forgotten - you won't believe this - my ticket!! It came a such a shock, i took quite some while to gather myself and ask the rickshaw wala to stop. About turn, back to the hostel. With help from and utterly disbelieving and utterly support classmate, I was on my way to catch a bus to catch my train, ticket firmly in place. The bus timetable however did not match the train timetable and i had to accept the fact that i couldn't make it to the station on time.

Angry, ashamed, frustrated, i cancelled my ticket and booked another one for the next day. Came back to the hostel and narrated my story to everyone, wanting them to laugh at my face. Most were either too disbelieving or too polite to do it. Spent the rest of the day drowning myself in serials and movies.

Latest Update:
A new day has come. I'm sitting in the ladies waiting room at Allahabad railway station, writing this story and many many more. The train is 9 hours late. If this is a regular habit with it, i could have walked all the way from Kanpur to Allahabad and still made it on time!

Kind of takes the punch out of your victory doesn't it, when you find out that the opponent was hollow ... that you really didn't have to put in your best ?

Feelng particularly low since i am the hollow opponent.

You never realized she was gone
Until she took away everything that was hers
Till then, her clothes were her, her bed was her, her books were her...
All alone in a half empty room
The faint echo serving to remind
That the only voice around is your own


An ode to my roomie (what did you think ;)

Law of conservation of responsibility

Whenever you see a carefree soul, completely lacking responsibility, look around a little and you will find another carrying the extra burden .

That will be the day that I die

The day I stop getting that sickening "end of the world" feeling in the pit of my stomach before a presentation.

Of course, time, experience and some surprising and inexplicable positive results have tempered the feeling to "end of a small continent" level.

The ant and the grasshopper
In my room live an ant and a grasshopper. Well, if you want me to be accurate, there live thousands of ants and hundreds of grasshoppers. But, we're interested in a particular ant, lets call it P, and a particular grasshopper, called, lets say V. This ant P works round the sem, Goes to bed only after a good day's work, uses weekends to catch up on where it is lagging. The grasshopper, true to its nature, whiles away time. Looks at the birds and the sky, plays around in the sun, hangs around with other lazy grasshoppers, generally has a good time and works only when pushed very hard against the wall.
Now that winter's here, its playback time for grassy. P of course, having worked all throughout, has enough stashed up to see it through the winter. And V of course, is having a very bad time, hopping from place to place, trying to do 10 different things at the same time. P watches V with an expression that is part smug, part sorry.
V has vowed that this is the last time it is going to behave like a perfect grasshopper. Next sem, it is going to try and mutate into something that is part ant, part grasshopper. So that life is not so much a union of extremes.

On my way to college, there used to be a school for orphan girls, run by the same institute that ran my college. And every morning, as i dragged my feet to college, i used to see the girls playing in the grounds. Volleyball, cricket, just about anything. And they all looked so happy and cheerful and fresh! That to me was, and is, the prefect way to start the day.
Perfection of course, is rarely attained. But, my hour of baskekball in the evening comes pretty close. I may not be great at it, i am not great at it, but it is so much fun. For that hour, there are no assignments, term papers , projects... I'm just this carefree being, living my hour of freedom.