Things that make my head go bang bang bang

Bang as in exclamation! For once, i am not fantasizing about shooting people.

I bargain. With a flower seller. And win. The gym instructor talks to me in Tamil. I go to the gym with my FIL. Every time i go stand anywhere close to a temple, one of the flower sellers sitting there will come and give me flowers for free. Every time. Its like they can smell the fear. The apnapan i feel when i hear someone speaking Marathi here. The dude, at random times. After 5 years of fitting into a chat window, to suddenly see him life-size, even though he may just be disapproving of the mess that is my cupboard. How easily i can switch contexts depending on which home i am in. Like a robot with two settings - Pune and Bangalore. There are irreconcilable differences in the two settings, but since never the twain shall meet, it all works out. Money means so little to me. I still havent caught a live concert in Bangalore. I can make vadais. In principle. How easy it is to forget. And how difficult to understand. The kindle hasnt taken over my my life. I am quitting. The place that has been the biggest part of my life (well, time-wise) for 5 years now. I need people. Yet how little i do to keep them in my life. 

Excuses

The problem with food, or rather, with the making of food, apart from the fact that it needs to be done every. single. day. is the sense of  accomplishment that it gives. I have never had to cook in my life, and so when i now have to, one meal makes me feel i have justified my presence on earth. Not breakfast, breakfast is fun. But anything after that i do, and i can happily spend the rest of day basking in its glory. Which is kind of strange because i come from a family of working women, every single one of them. Whatever they have done in life, they have done in addition to making food.

My life right now is a long list of things that need to be done and are not getting done. Well, its actually not very long, if we get right down to it, there is just this one thing. Come next month and i will be done with my current job. Yes! No more working from home! Happy as that makes me, i need to make sure this doesnt turn into No more working! And totally contrary to my usual approach to things, i am handling the look for a new job thing by worrying too much and doing too little. Which you might have  figured out when i tried to pass off " but i had to make lunch" as an excuse for not preparing.

So, i need to prepare. And while i have full confidence that i'll get a job, i have close to zero confidence that i can clear an interview. Any interview. Even one for LKG. When the dude tries to help by asking me questions, i make faces and not-today-honey him. I'd like to take the high road and say the system needs to change to accommodate people like me (of whom there are plenty), but that will take time. Meanwhile, i shall have to stoop to conquer.

Reason #53 for a parallel universe

Did you stop and think, when you were young and the world seemed like a place that could be whatever you made it to be, did you think about what your actions would mean? Did you realize that just because you wanted to follow your own nose and not turn around and look at what other people were up to, the world would forever be divided? Sure, people can and do talk across the divide, nothing can stop that, but wouldnt the world have been an easier, prettier place undivided?

Tell me, why did you have to bring Endianness into this world?


P.S. If you cant answer the big philosophical question, at least tell me this. Why why why do bit fields have to care about it too? Couldnt you at least have left the children untainted?

P.P.S The only saving grace in it all is that you gave it a cool name. Even though it confuses things up as hell. But then, cool was never supposed to be convenient.

(written after the third time the author chased down packets that wouldnt show up, only to (re) discover that the IP header has bit fields that Endianness will mess up).

WFH

The next time someone tells me - whats not to like, you get to work from home, instead of my usual reaction of boiling on the inside while giving totally lame reasons on the outside, i will direct them to this post. 

Okay, so if you have never worked from home (ever) and think that it means getting to do what you want to do when you want to do it and do it in your pajamas, stand here. And if you occasionally "work from home" and think it simply means being online and the most productive thing you may have to do is call into a meeting once in a while, go stand there. Everyone else go home. 

I live in one city and my office is in another city 800 kms away. I work from home. Everyday. Everyday i get up, make breakfast, make my coffee and climb some 20 stairs to work. So far so good. I sit two feet away from the bed. And since i dont have a manager who peeks over my shoulder every time he goes to the loo, guess who is responsible for keeping me awake? Me. Thats right. I have to be the bad guy. I have to make sure i dont fall asleep, and i have to do that all day. I have to make sure i dont get lost on the Internet and forget my way back to work. I have to make sure i dont sit chatting all day. Sure, i dont Alt-tab that much, but thats because I am always watching. Even when i am in the loo.* 

I am not a very friendly person. I wont bite you, but i take my time opening up to people, mostly i also take their time. 90 percent of my social life revolves around people at work, since thats where i am 90 percent of the time. Also as i move from place to place, people from my past have this annoying tendency to move too, thus leaving me more dependent on the current office population. And guess what makes up my current office population? A grand total of me. I'm interesting, i know, but even i have my limits. 

Its easiest when i'm coding. Coding is a solitary job. All the big decisions involving other people have been made. It is interesting too, so i dont have to watch myself so much. But i code at the best 30-40 percent of the time. What when i'm designing? When i need to talk to people, either to consult or to simply discuss? What do i do when what i see as a beautiful idea is actually unnecessary or maybe even dumb, and all i need to see that is to talk it out with someone? What about all those ideas that come from irrelevant discussions? Testing is worse. To test some features, i've actually had two desks spread out with equipment and then some. I need to run all around to tweak the setup, how can i possibly do anything on that scale sitting from here? Fortunately i havent had to, and what little i need, i have great people to help, Nevertheless my testing becomes pretty contrived at times, and it doesnt give the same joy as having tested with the real thing. 

And lastly my most biggest problem. Do you know what i cherish most in a workplace? More than the money, more than the work? People. People i can learn from, people i can look up to, people who amaze me with their ideas and their approach, people who make uninteresting things interesting, people I can work with in such a way that the whole becomes more than the sum of the parts, people who solve half the problem simply by asking what happened, people who appreciate all this and so on :) That is what i miss most of all, me sitting within these four walls. 

* What happened one day when i gave in and took a power nap (gah how i hate that term). My FIL came in to give some CDs that he had bought. And caught me napping. Now imagine what they must think i sit and do all day. They belong to a generation for whom sleeping on the job is a crime, done only by the most worthless people. Its mooching off your employer, next only to stealing from his pocket. If you think i am getting carried away, maybe this will help you see the point. This one time we got back from a 2 day, 90km cycling trip on Sunday and everything was sore on Monday. But Monday is Monday and we both went to work. MIL was feeling very sorry for her son, and was telling me he should have rested today and gone to work tomorrow. I jokingly told her dont worry, he will sleep it off in the office (i mean the dude has a sofa right behind his desk!). That was taken as a pretty serious attack on his character, which was then stoutly defended. Now you see?