Eshtapappychachen Kuttapen Peter Mon
The name has been ricocheting off the walls of my head since yesterday, each time with a different first name.
Rajupappychachen Kuttapen Peter Mon
Channapappychachen Kuttapen Peter Mon
Its funny, how well it goes with the names it meets off the walls of my head.
I dont want them to end. Estha, Rahel, Ammu, Chacko. Every morning, amidst all the chaos, i sneak into their world. And come out only when my folks very conscientiously pull me out and kick me off to work. I dont think i've felt this way about a book in a while. And inappropriate though it is, almost every page reminds me of To Kill a Mockingbird. I get the same wistful feeling i did when i read that one. Of wanting to go back to my childhood, as an invisible, adult, observer, as the omnipresent narrator of my story.
She warns you, oh she warns you on every page that its all going to end badly. And yet, even that cannot stop life, and the love for it, from seeping though. Small victories of small people need not fade away in the face of war, she shows. They can be scooped up and scattered in a book about war, such that they become bigger than the war.
P.S. At some point, it occurred to me that i could do this as a book review. And a much later point, it occurred to me that i havent actually finished the book.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Flashback
In case anyone is wondering what brought about this sudden spate in posts.
Flashback to what i started to write a few weeks ago
Its not that i dont have things to write about. I have about 300 posts in various stages, some swimming in my head, some on paper, some as saved drafts. (okay, 7 or 8 of them, if you want me to be precise). But this immense cloud of laziness seems to have enveloped my world and all it allows me to do is work, eat and sleep. Time seems to pass without too much effort on my part. Its only that stupid voice in my head that wont shutup and still makes up lists of things i should be doing. No, scratch that, even the voice in my head isnt the list making kind. It just randomly throws at me things that i could/should/must/ABSOLUTELY MUST be doing, none of which i catch, all of which fall on the floor, making a big mess, in the middle of which, i calmly exist and continue to do nothing.
I need to bootstrap myself out of this state. And so, with you as witness, O mighty Internet, i solemnly swear to
And i left it at that. Because, life in the past months has tried its best to teach me that there is a time and place for everything, even for the truth. So i decided to postpone the swearing until i was reasonably sure i was out of the slump. And whatdoyouknow, even stuff that you scribble on Notepad and leave lying around in some forgotten corner of you PC, can do magic.
Flashback to what i started to write a few weeks ago
Its not that i dont have things to write about. I have about 300 posts in various stages, some swimming in my head, some on paper, some as saved drafts. (okay, 7 or 8 of them, if you want me to be precise). But this immense cloud of laziness seems to have enveloped my world and all it allows me to do is work, eat and sleep. Time seems to pass without too much effort on my part. Its only that stupid voice in my head that wont shutup and still makes up lists of things i should be doing. No, scratch that, even the voice in my head isnt the list making kind. It just randomly throws at me things that i could/should/must/ABSOLUTELY MUST be doing, none of which i catch, all of which fall on the floor, making a big mess, in the middle of which, i calmly exist and continue to do nothing.
I need to bootstrap myself out of this state. And so, with you as witness, O mighty Internet, i solemnly swear to
And i left it at that. Because, life in the past months has tried its best to teach me that there is a time and place for everything, even for the truth. So i decided to postpone the swearing until i was reasonably sure i was out of the slump. And whatdoyouknow, even stuff that you scribble on Notepad and leave lying around in some forgotten corner of you PC, can do magic.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
World wide web?
Sometimes, people you meet out of sheer chance (or as Wodehouse would say, concatenation of circumstances) come back later to save you life. Same with some seemingly insignificant thing you overhear. Almost makes you believe someone up there is connecting the dots!*
It is beautiful, yeah. But for me this glass is half empty. Something like this always leaves me wondering about the ones that go unconnected and the big pattern i am missing out on as a result.
*No, i'm not trying to say everything happens for a reason. Yuck, no.
It is beautiful, yeah. But for me this glass is half empty. Something like this always leaves me wondering about the ones that go unconnected and the big pattern i am missing out on as a result.
*No, i'm not trying to say everything happens for a reason. Yuck, no.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Too many cooks, and you can forget about the broth
Enough is enough, Shyam thought. A king you may be, but there is, or at least should be, a limit on the arbitrariness you are allowed. Someone had to do something. But that was such a general sentiment, more often than not degenerating into no one doing anything. He would be that someone, he decided. He would put an end to it.
By he of course, he meant they. But Ratan was so much a part of his life, it was the same thing really. The two friends discussed opportunity, discussed strategy, discussed execution. As a plan began to take shape, they felt the excitement grow. Oh, this is going to be good, they thought. If things went according to plan, what they were going to start could well turn into a revolution! They would be the leaders, the liberators, they would be hope.
Their plan, they realized after a few days, would have a much better chance of success if Sundar was a part of it. Sundar supported them in principle, but was afraid for his skin. He told them he'd feel much better about the whole thing if Parth was also involved. Parth thought there was a part of the plan that only Karan could handle. Karan thought roping in Bali was a good idea. Bali refused to come unless his wife was there to see him off. His wife was at her mother's, comforting her sister whose favourite cow was having calving troubles.
So their glorious revolution waited, waited for the cow to feel better.
Moral of the story: Sometimes, screw it, lets do it is the way to go.
Notes to self: Listen to yourself. Sometimes, you talk sense.
By he of course, he meant they. But Ratan was so much a part of his life, it was the same thing really. The two friends discussed opportunity, discussed strategy, discussed execution. As a plan began to take shape, they felt the excitement grow. Oh, this is going to be good, they thought. If things went according to plan, what they were going to start could well turn into a revolution! They would be the leaders, the liberators, they would be hope.
Their plan, they realized after a few days, would have a much better chance of success if Sundar was a part of it. Sundar supported them in principle, but was afraid for his skin. He told them he'd feel much better about the whole thing if Parth was also involved. Parth thought there was a part of the plan that only Karan could handle. Karan thought roping in Bali was a good idea. Bali refused to come unless his wife was there to see him off. His wife was at her mother's, comforting her sister whose favourite cow was having calving troubles.
So their glorious revolution waited, waited for the cow to feel better.
Moral of the story: Sometimes, screw it, lets do it is the way to go.
Notes to self: Listen to yourself. Sometimes, you talk sense.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Donts and dos
I don't want to grow up.
I don't want to be all responsible.
I don't want to be the fixer.
I don't want to be the safety net.
I don't want to be the goto person.
I don't want to inspire.
I don't want to hold your hand when you learn to walk.
I don't want to pick you up when you stumble and fall.
I don't want to look at you with pride when you learn to run and then to fly.
I don't want you to look up to me as i look up to the ones before me.
Only, i so do.
I don't want to be all responsible.
I don't want to be the fixer.
I don't want to be the safety net.
I don't want to be the goto person.
I don't want to inspire.
I don't want to hold your hand when you learn to walk.
I don't want to pick you up when you stumble and fall.
I don't want to look at you with pride when you learn to run and then to fly.
I don't want you to look up to me as i look up to the ones before me.
Only, i so do.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Beach bum
5 stolen minutes out of a hectic, one day trip to Goa. She sits on the beach, looking out at the sea. Wondering, as always, why she loves it so. She knows it is not a remanent of childhood love, when being on the beach meant playing in water and collecting shells. It has withstood the test of time. It is no longer what she does at the beach, it is what the beach does to her. It heightens her sense of loneliness, but in a way that makes her feel complete, like that was how it was meant to be. The world fades away, its just her and the roar of the waves. And peace.
The constant questioning, this search for motive, she realizes as she leaves to catch a bus back home, makes not one bit of difference to the way the beach makes her feel. In spite of all the unanswered questions, she leaves satisfied.
The constant questioning, this search for motive, she realizes as she leaves to catch a bus back home, makes not one bit of difference to the way the beach makes her feel. In spite of all the unanswered questions, she leaves satisfied.
Monday, May 05, 2008
NetWorking
Dad is back early from his walk He rushes straight in, slightly breathless, and asks - Aa gaya? No, i shake my head. Mom pretends indifference, but every now and then peeks out of the kitchen to check. Brother refuses to come home at all, which is just as well. Who wants to watch a fish out of water? They all look to me, with a glance part hopeful, part accusing, . What use is her education, they ask themselves, if she cant even get the Internet to work?
O mighty powers at BSNL, kindly snap your fingers and get the Net working. This is not just about me justifying the space i occupy on this planet, it is about our connection to the rest of the world, and maybe, even to each other.
P.S. If you know the preferred DNS of you ISP by heart, it is probably time you changed your ISP.
O mighty powers at BSNL, kindly snap your fingers and get the Net working. This is not just about me justifying the space i occupy on this planet, it is about our connection to the rest of the world, and maybe, even to each other.
P.S. If you know the preferred DNS of you ISP by heart, it is probably time you changed your ISP.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Revelation
Having had to debug my cousin's bubble sort* program to figure out why it was not working, and by debug i mean set up watches on variables and execute one step at a time, something tells me that whatever i eventually die of, it will not be of shame.
* Non geeks: Bubble sort is like the Hello World of C programs.
* Non geeks: Bubble sort is like the Hello World of C programs.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Fit and fine
Of what use is fitness, i ask you, if all it means is that where previously you'd start huffing and panting after half a round, you now need one round just to warm up? You end up working that much harder just to make a difference.
(The voice in my head: Faker! If you want to brag about something, the least you can do is be honest about it!)
A little bit of random: An optical emergency. Again. As i try to slip on my specs the morning, the lens slips and falls. Of my last surviving pair. The whole family rummages through my past and comes up with:
1. a pair of intact lenses that may or may not have at some point in time resided in the same frame
2. a pair of prehistoric but otherwise complete specs. (Soda petti glasses, thick maroon frame that goes on and on till the bottom of my nose, ones i wouldn't be caught dead in, you know the type)
So i wear the prehistoric ones and go to the optician. Very little chance of me dying on my way there, except maybe of embarrassment. I hand over the lenses mentioned in 1. and plead with him to find their Cinderella. He sees the desperation on my face and starts looking. A couple of dozen lenses later, he's found her! And even though she looks more like one of the ugly sisters, who cares as long as the shoe fits! Me and the shiny greenish blue specs go to work and thus the day is saved.
Its D-day+1, and touchwood, the wearer and specs are doing well.
(The voice in my head: Faker! If you want to brag about something, the least you can do is be honest about it!)
A little bit of random: An optical emergency. Again. As i try to slip on my specs the morning, the lens slips and falls. Of my last surviving pair. The whole family rummages through my past and comes up with:
1. a pair of intact lenses that may or may not have at some point in time resided in the same frame
2. a pair of prehistoric but otherwise complete specs. (Soda petti glasses, thick maroon frame that goes on and on till the bottom of my nose, ones i wouldn't be caught dead in, you know the type)
So i wear the prehistoric ones and go to the optician. Very little chance of me dying on my way there, except maybe of embarrassment. I hand over the lenses mentioned in 1. and plead with him to find their Cinderella. He sees the desperation on my face and starts looking. A couple of dozen lenses later, he's found her! And even though she looks more like one of the ugly sisters, who cares as long as the shoe fits! Me and the shiny greenish blue specs go to work and thus the day is saved.
Its D-day+1, and touchwood, the wearer and specs are doing well.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Pour salt on wound. Rub.
Two kids playing holi accidentally splash you with their water balloon. And then run after a dripping wet you yelling - Sorry Aunty, sorry Aunty.
Like Monu says, i suppose i should be glad it isnt bhaisaab.
Like Monu says, i suppose i should be glad it isnt bhaisaab.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
The art of selling
I bought shoes. For 4K+. Its all towards developing my new hobby, i console myself. On the surface of it, it should seem quite impossible to see how a salesman can offload a pair of shoes on someone like me for money like that. But study the psychology of the individual, and it’s a simple 5 step thing.
Step 1: Sigh at my foot size.
(Me to myself: Yeah, i know. Please have something in my size. Please. Anything)
(Me to myself: They are quite hideous. And white too. But really, are looks what i'm looking for in a shoe? They do feel nice. )
Step 3: Tell me what they cost.
(Me to myself: Damn! No way. Damn you, you direct descendent of Satan. Why did you tell me this after i got used to them?)
Step 4: Show me shoes within my budget. Rest assured, you have already spoiled them for me.
(Me to myself: These are okay. But there must be a reason why they cost less. What is my limit after all? Isn’t it just an arbitrary number I came up with? Wouldn’t it be stupid if I was stuck with the wrong shoes just because I was unwilling to change?)
Step 5: Praise the first pair. Tell me they are the answer to all my problems. Tell me they prevent back pain (got that, check), knee pain (check) heel pain (check. OMG, he is in my head!). Also tell me they cure all of the above if I already have them. At this point, I’ll believe you if you tell me they bring about world peace.
And you’re home.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
I Think (therefore) I'm Back
I'm back. I think. At least for this post. That, i think it is safe to say, was the longest i went without a posting. No particular reason, just that stuff that would have seemed bloggable earlier didnt seem worth the effort. Not that they seem worth the effort now, but there is only so long you can keep a blog alive on life support, before it is declared dead. And i dont want it to die.
So, since i dont have one earth shattering to say, i thought i'd combine a few earth nudging things and hope the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
I've been on a major science fiction/fantasy trip, reading wise. Asimov of course, Arthur Clarke, Orson Scott Card (cant recommend Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead enough!), Frank Herbert, Samit Basu and of course Terry Pratchett. I think i've whined about how i've become too lazy to invest in a new author. Looks like i've found an escape route. I am reading new people, but without much risk of wasted effort. Because though the end of these books usually disappoint, the journey is well worth it.
And i've developed a new hobby. I usually snigger at people who call it a hobby, but looking at how much i enjoy going to the gym, i dont know what else to call it. For almost 2 months now, I've been voluntarily waking up for at 6.30 AM 6 days a week to go exercise. You can tell. cant you, that i'm somewhat ashamedly proud of it?
What else? Oh yeah, i've run out of music to listen to. Kaushik suggested i give the Beatles a shot and i am. If anyone is reading this and has anything to suggest, i'm all ears. But please, no screaming. In the song, i mean.
Thats it? All i have to show for over a month of my life are two paragraphs and a request? See, this is why i have to post more often. I may be writing about dogs in the parking lot, but at this stage i'll settle for quantity over nothing at all.
P.S. I've decided to try and cut down on the exclamations. I have been using way too many of them,. Terry doesnt seem to approve.
So, since i dont have one earth shattering to say, i thought i'd combine a few earth nudging things and hope the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.
I've been on a major science fiction/fantasy trip, reading wise. Asimov of course, Arthur Clarke, Orson Scott Card (cant recommend Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead enough!), Frank Herbert, Samit Basu and of course Terry Pratchett. I think i've whined about how i've become too lazy to invest in a new author. Looks like i've found an escape route. I am reading new people, but without much risk of wasted effort. Because though the end of these books usually disappoint, the journey is well worth it.
And i've developed a new hobby. I usually snigger at people who call it a hobby, but looking at how much i enjoy going to the gym, i dont know what else to call it. For almost 2 months now, I've been voluntarily waking up for at 6.30 AM 6 days a week to go exercise. You can tell. cant you, that i'm somewhat ashamedly proud of it?
What else? Oh yeah, i've run out of music to listen to. Kaushik suggested i give the Beatles a shot and i am. If anyone is reading this and has anything to suggest, i'm all ears. But please, no screaming. In the song, i mean.
Thats it? All i have to show for over a month of my life are two paragraphs and a request? See, this is why i have to post more often. I may be writing about dogs in the parking lot, but at this stage i'll settle for quantity over nothing at all.
P.S. I've decided to try and cut down on the exclamations. I have been using way too many of them,. Terry doesnt seem to approve.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
To Kerala and back
(This post has been lying around for weeks, waiting for an introduction. Feeling too lazy, so kindly consider the post introduced.)
Kerala!!! Yes! I went on a vacation. A totally unnecessary, unjustifiable trip to coconut country! Or as my friend has named it, cheta land. Home to my true love, banana chips. Where a house doesn't become home until it is pained orange. Or green. Or purple. Preferably all of the above. And where buses present a strange paradox. You see one thundering down the road in defiance of all rules and boundaries and also some laws of physics, and you will, not a little fearfully, move out of its way muttering size does matter. How the driver of the monstrosity gets it to snake through traffic almost making you believe you were watching a long haired youth showing off his shiny yellow bike, i'll never know. (Disclaimer: The last two may be specific to Kozhikode, my host city.) On the plus side, the city has a domestic airport that puts all other airports i've seen, including mumbai international airport to utter shame. (Not that i've seen that many. This was the second flight of my life. The first one was also to kerala. What is it with me and that place? Wonder if I was a coconut tree in my last janam. Or maybe, i was God) I got to stay in an unbelievably beautiful campus. "i voluntarily woke up at 6 a.m on a vacation to walk around" beautiful.
I got to act as the guide. Or the navigator. Or whatever it is you call the person who asks people on the road for directions. Not that i would have done it voluntarily, but however fraud a tamilian i may be, i was still the best they had to connect with the locals.
We went to a waterfall and a beach! I can still hear the buffalo in me moo in content. We drove around 200 kms (okay, okay, he drove, but we all made sure he didnt fall asleep) to get to the fall. It had the perfect amount of water, enough for you to get close to the water and not get washed away. This guard with very a strange gender bias wouldn't let me get close to the water while all boys were allowed. We carried out an argument for a while, me whining in Tamil and him shooing me off in Malayalam. Finally, i gave up and sat down on some rocks. And re-learnt one of life's great lessons. It only stops those who let it. Every person who went passed him was told not to go on, but the only one who listened and stayed back was me. So, when he wasnt looking, i leaped ahead and gave him an apologetic grin. Which he returned!
On the way back, car sickness struck as usual and so i sat in the front seat. I'd taken some medicine, the thing worked like a charm. It knocked me off so bad that i had to be shaken awake when we reached campus.
A wonderful, if somewhat short vacation that left me thoroughly campus sick and grateful that ex-colleagues could continue to be friends across time and space.
Kerala!!! Yes! I went on a vacation. A totally unnecessary, unjustifiable trip to coconut country! Or as my friend has named it, cheta land. Home to my true love, banana chips. Where a house doesn't become home until it is pained orange. Or green. Or purple. Preferably all of the above. And where buses present a strange paradox. You see one thundering down the road in defiance of all rules and boundaries and also some laws of physics, and you will, not a little fearfully, move out of its way muttering size does matter. How the driver of the monstrosity gets it to snake through traffic almost making you believe you were watching a long haired youth showing off his shiny yellow bike, i'll never know. (Disclaimer: The last two may be specific to Kozhikode, my host city.) On the plus side, the city has a domestic airport that puts all other airports i've seen, including mumbai international airport to utter shame. (Not that i've seen that many. This was the second flight of my life. The first one was also to kerala. What is it with me and that place? Wonder if I was a coconut tree in my last janam. Or maybe, i was God) I got to stay in an unbelievably beautiful campus. "i voluntarily woke up at 6 a.m on a vacation to walk around" beautiful.
I got to act as the guide. Or the navigator. Or whatever it is you call the person who asks people on the road for directions. Not that i would have done it voluntarily, but however fraud a tamilian i may be, i was still the best they had to connect with the locals.
We went to a waterfall and a beach! I can still hear the buffalo in me moo in content. We drove around 200 kms (okay, okay, he drove, but we all made sure he didnt fall asleep) to get to the fall. It had the perfect amount of water, enough for you to get close to the water and not get washed away. This guard with very a strange gender bias wouldn't let me get close to the water while all boys were allowed. We carried out an argument for a while, me whining in Tamil and him shooing me off in Malayalam. Finally, i gave up and sat down on some rocks. And re-learnt one of life's great lessons. It only stops those who let it. Every person who went passed him was told not to go on, but the only one who listened and stayed back was me. So, when he wasnt looking, i leaped ahead and gave him an apologetic grin. Which he returned!
On the way back, car sickness struck as usual and so i sat in the front seat. I'd taken some medicine, the thing worked like a charm. It knocked me off so bad that i had to be shaken awake when we reached campus.
A wonderful, if somewhat short vacation that left me thoroughly campus sick and grateful that ex-colleagues could continue to be friends across time and space.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Happy new year
Tu dhoop hai, jham se bikhar
Tu hai nadi, o bekhabar
Beh chal kahin, ud chal kahin
Dil khush jahan, teri to manzil hain wahin
They speak to me, these lines. Especially the last one. It makes it sound so simple. Sigh. If only i could find the damn place, dilkhushjahan.
Another year is almost here. Starting from some arbit point, the earth is about to complete one revolution around the sun. Celebrate.
Tu hai nadi, o bekhabar
Beh chal kahin, ud chal kahin
Dil khush jahan, teri to manzil hain wahin
They speak to me, these lines. Especially the last one. It makes it sound so simple. Sigh. If only i could find the damn place, dilkhushjahan.
Another year is almost here. Starting from some arbit point, the earth is about to complete one revolution around the sun. Celebrate.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Another circle of life
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat!
Is it Diwali time? And is that the patter of little feet moving to the sound of tiklis bursting from the plastic gun? And is that the part excited part afraid squeal of the gun wielder as the tikli flashes into ashes?
Naah.
Its an ordinary everyday evening. And those are the parents old feet chasing mosquitoes with a plastic bat. And that is the triumphant scream of the bat wielder as a mosquito hits the bat and flashes into ashes.
It is their second childhood after all.
(In case you haven't come across the latest in pest control, i present to you MachchBuster 2000. A tennis bat shaped bat, it has a light plastic body with a deadly electrified wire mesh. Prominent at the centre of the mesh is a lightning shaped shape, serving to remind everyone of the lightning scar bearer's victory over the Dark Lord. And mosquito unlucky enough to come in contact with the mesh when the bat wielder happens to be pressing the button that electrifies it is not only dead, but cremated with full honour.)
And we? We are the adults now. Too occupied with with life to join the fun. Yet keeping an eye on them, in case they get carried away.
Ha! Whom am i kidding? Wannabe adults, thats who we are. We talk the talk, sure, but are yet to walk it.
Is it Diwali time? And is that the patter of little feet moving to the sound of tiklis bursting from the plastic gun? And is that the part excited part afraid squeal of the gun wielder as the tikli flashes into ashes?
Naah.
Its an ordinary everyday evening. And those are the parents old feet chasing mosquitoes with a plastic bat. And that is the triumphant scream of the bat wielder as a mosquito hits the bat and flashes into ashes.
It is their second childhood after all.
(In case you haven't come across the latest in pest control, i present to you MachchBuster 2000. A tennis bat shaped bat, it has a light plastic body with a deadly electrified wire mesh. Prominent at the centre of the mesh is a lightning shaped shape, serving to remind everyone of the lightning scar bearer's victory over the Dark Lord. And mosquito unlucky enough to come in contact with the mesh when the bat wielder happens to be pressing the button that electrifies it is not only dead, but cremated with full honour.)
And we? We are the adults now. Too occupied with with life to join the fun. Yet keeping an eye on them, in case they get carried away.
Ha! Whom am i kidding? Wannabe adults, thats who we are. We talk the talk, sure, but are yet to walk it.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Issued in public interest
A strange new phenomenon has been recently observed in audio devices used to play music. Termed Leftyingitis, the phenomenon affects the playing ability of the left half of devices such as headphones and earphones. Acute Leftyingitis is a temporary onset of the phenomenon in which the left half of the device rarely generates music but is known to generate squeaks of static and cries for help. Chronic Leftyingitis is more permanent. The left half of the device shows no sign of life and can actually be cut off from the device if it was not for the aesthetics.
A rarer strain of the phenomenon similarly affecting the right half of audio devices has also been reported. Called Rightyingitis, this strain is as deadly as its more common cousin.
Possible causes:
The jury is out on this one. While hundreds of theories and thousands of wannabe ones have been fighting for the top spot, experts agree that one of the Big Four is most likely to win.
1. A new communicable disease that spreads through luminiferous ether (which, according to the scientists was chosen as the medium because "its a really cool name begging to be used")
2. Evolution: Biologists claim to have seen this coming. They claim that evolution has given up on ever being able to evolve man into a higher being and has now taken to experimenting on man made stuff.
3. Intelligent Design: Proponents of this theory claim that the phenomenon is too narrow and specific to have come about by chance. They claim it is all part of the Makers plan. Unfortunately their press release forgot to capitalize the M, thus triggering wide spread protests outside Bose, Sony and Apple offices.
4. The flying spaghetti monster: Pastafarians claim it is because His Noodly Appendages have been having some fun.
And then of course, there is Global Warming. And the Al-Qaeda.
Cures:
Acute Leftyingitis may be cured by tilting the head carrying the device in certain positions. These positions are random and the effects are not repeatable. The affected device may also respond to physical abuse.
If your audio devices are exhibiting chronic versions of either strains of the phenomenon, you are advised to adjust your definition of a complete musical experience to one in which you can hear from both ears.
Workaround:
Buy audio devices in pairs. If you are lucky, each device in your pair will exhibit a different strain of the phenomenon. If not, swap one of your devices for one exhibiting the opposite strain. Remember though that Rightyingitis is rare, so if both your devices have Leftyingitis, you are better off crushing them both and starting all over again. By whatever means, if you end up with two devices exhibiting opposite strains, get your ears surgically repositioned so that you can listen to both devices at the same time.
A rarer strain of the phenomenon similarly affecting the right half of audio devices has also been reported. Called Rightyingitis, this strain is as deadly as its more common cousin.
Possible causes:
The jury is out on this one. While hundreds of theories and thousands of wannabe ones have been fighting for the top spot, experts agree that one of the Big Four is most likely to win.
1. A new communicable disease that spreads through luminiferous ether (which, according to the scientists was chosen as the medium because "its a really cool name begging to be used")
2. Evolution: Biologists claim to have seen this coming. They claim that evolution has given up on ever being able to evolve man into a higher being and has now taken to experimenting on man made stuff.
3. Intelligent Design: Proponents of this theory claim that the phenomenon is too narrow and specific to have come about by chance. They claim it is all part of the Makers plan. Unfortunately their press release forgot to capitalize the M, thus triggering wide spread protests outside Bose, Sony and Apple offices.
4. The flying spaghetti monster: Pastafarians claim it is because His Noodly Appendages have been having some fun.
And then of course, there is Global Warming. And the Al-Qaeda.
Cures:
Acute Leftyingitis may be cured by tilting the head carrying the device in certain positions. These positions are random and the effects are not repeatable. The affected device may also respond to physical abuse.
If your audio devices are exhibiting chronic versions of either strains of the phenomenon, you are advised to adjust your definition of a complete musical experience to one in which you can hear from both ears.
Workaround:
Buy audio devices in pairs. If you are lucky, each device in your pair will exhibit a different strain of the phenomenon. If not, swap one of your devices for one exhibiting the opposite strain. Remember though that Rightyingitis is rare, so if both your devices have Leftyingitis, you are better off crushing them both and starting all over again. By whatever means, if you end up with two devices exhibiting opposite strains, get your ears surgically repositioned so that you can listen to both devices at the same time.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Dark Could Vs Silver Lining
Dark Cloud: It takes more self control than i've got to
1. skip meals
2. go for early morning jogs
I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: I've joined a gym! With a very attractive corporate discount!
Dark Cloud: Too attractive. The money no longer compels me to show up. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: On the days i do show up, i feel great after working out!
Dark Cloud: And miserable before. And old during. I used to be able to jog for 20 minutes at a stretch. Not anymore. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: There is always aerobics! Shaking my body to loud music, its the closest i am ever going to get to dancing, and i LOVE it! I love the before! i love the during! i love the after!
Dark Cloud: Oh, but the songs i have to put up with. I want to die when I'm a Barbie girl comes up. And it comes up. Every time. Its one of those songs i'd be terribly embarrassed to be seen enjoying and yet, in that atmosphere i cant help it. More than once i've horrified myself by catching myself singing along. If they ever play Brazil, i'll quit. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: Thats just one song in an hour! The ones she plays during cool down are really nice!
Dark Cloud: Whatever. After all that, I'm still as fat. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: (for once without the enthusiasm to talk in exclamation marks) Sigh. You win. I'm doomed.
They get together to form one huge dark cloud and live gloomily ever after.
Acknowledgments: Silver Lining inspired by the following characters from Terry Pratchett's Maskerade
1. Christine, who says everything with an exclamation mark
2. The Opera House Ghost, who leaves threatening notes with written maniacal laughter with 5 exclamation marks. Stuff like
Dear Opera House Manager,
ehahahahahaha!!!!!
Respectfully,
The Opera House Ghost.
Terry the wise says, "And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears their underpants on their head". You will notice that i have used them only in the singular.
1. skip meals
2. go for early morning jogs
I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: I've joined a gym! With a very attractive corporate discount!
Dark Cloud: Too attractive. The money no longer compels me to show up. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: On the days i do show up, i feel great after working out!
Dark Cloud: And miserable before. And old during. I used to be able to jog for 20 minutes at a stretch. Not anymore. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: There is always aerobics! Shaking my body to loud music, its the closest i am ever going to get to dancing, and i LOVE it! I love the before! i love the during! i love the after!
Dark Cloud: Oh, but the songs i have to put up with. I want to die when I'm a Barbie girl comes up. And it comes up. Every time. Its one of those songs i'd be terribly embarrassed to be seen enjoying and yet, in that atmosphere i cant help it. More than once i've horrified myself by catching myself singing along. If they ever play Brazil, i'll quit. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: Thats just one song in an hour! The ones she plays during cool down are really nice!
Dark Cloud: Whatever. After all that, I'm still as fat. I'm doomed.
Silver Lining: (for once without the enthusiasm to talk in exclamation marks) Sigh. You win. I'm doomed.
They get together to form one huge dark cloud and live gloomily ever after.
Acknowledgments: Silver Lining inspired by the following characters from Terry Pratchett's Maskerade
1. Christine, who says everything with an exclamation mark
2. The Opera House Ghost, who leaves threatening notes with written maniacal laughter with 5 exclamation marks. Stuff like
Dear Opera House Manager,
ehahahahahaha!!!!!
Respectfully,
The Opera House Ghost.
Terry the wise says, "And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears their underpants on their head". You will notice that i have used them only in the singular.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Lessons to unlearn the past
1. Movies do not grow on tress. Neither do TV series.
2. Every hour of the day its own purpose. They are not interchangable.
7 A.M. != 8 P.M. != 2 A.M.
Which means, you cannot start work at 8 P.M., you cannot go for a walk at 2 A.M. and you cannot get home at 7 A.M.
3. Yellow smiley balls are for kids. You are not one anymore.
4. If you want exercise, you have to make yourself do it. There is no coach expecting you to turn up. No conditioning camp instructors threatening to throw you out of the skiing trip if you dont show up. No classmates for company. Its either you by yourself or nothing at all.
5. You cannot go around from desk to desk, bugging people just because you are bored. One, they are all working. Two, you dont know most of them.
6. Afternoon sleep is not a constitutional right. It is grave injustice, but until you become the puppet-master of the country's ruling parties and the constitution your personal diary, you will just have to learn to live without it.
7. All the sporting action you are going to get is likely to be televised. It is not possible to get 4 people together for baddy, leave alone 6 for basky. (It is 6, isnt it?) Or TT. Or tennis. Or Phatta. Unless you can convince yourself that foosball is a sport. You suck at it, but when has that been a problem?
2. Every hour of the day its own purpose. They are not interchangable.
7 A.M. != 8 P.M. != 2 A.M.
Which means, you cannot start work at 8 P.M., you cannot go for a walk at 2 A.M. and you cannot get home at 7 A.M.
3. Yellow smiley balls are for kids. You are not one anymore.
4. If you want exercise, you have to make yourself do it. There is no coach expecting you to turn up. No conditioning camp instructors threatening to throw you out of the skiing trip if you dont show up. No classmates for company. Its either you by yourself or nothing at all.
5. You cannot go around from desk to desk, bugging people just because you are bored. One, they are all working. Two, you dont know most of them.
6. Afternoon sleep is not a constitutional right. It is grave injustice, but until you become the puppet-master of the country's ruling parties and the constitution your personal diary, you will just have to learn to live without it.
7. All the sporting action you are going to get is likely to be televised. It is not possible to get 4 people together for baddy, leave alone 6 for basky. (It is 6, isnt it?) Or TT. Or tennis. Or Phatta. Unless you can convince yourself that foosball is a sport. You suck at it, but when has that been a problem?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Misery loves company
And mine is so happy right now, it is throwing a party! All of you reading this are invited, yes, all three of you.
There are few things in this world that cause me as much misery as having to wear a saree does. Not that i've had to on too many occasions, but i live in mortal dread of some such occasion popping up and me having to put up another fight of my life. And it is just impossible to make people understand that i genuinely dont like the garment. I would dearly love to punch the next person who says - you cannot look bad in a saree. Really??? That is your argument? That i should wear something i dont like, am extremely uncomfortable and totally self-conscious in, just because i look good in it? Really??? And a smaller punch for the person who tries cultural blackmail. There are thousands of women who gladly wear sarees, let them preserve this part of our culture. I'll find some other part to preserve. Like... err... i'm sure i'll find something, considering the alternative!
(Yes, that is an actual argument. You cant throw "but what if everyone thinks like that" at me. Everyone does not think like that.)
My misery is pouring out like this because suddenly and most unexpectedly, it has company! One of Bhai's closest friends is getting married and he has been asked to be a groomsman. And do you know what groomsmen wear? Suits!!!! And, suits are to him what sarees are to me. (You can tell we are related, cant you?) I dont think i have ever been so happy in such a twisted way! While he continues to fight the groom for his right to wear black (jeans and t-shirt, of course), my misery is enjoying the company! And irrespective of the outcome, i know i have found one person who understands.
P.S. If he loses the fight, my plan is to beg the groom to let me into the wedding so that i can..well, i dont really have to do anything. I just have to be there. My misery will have the time of my life.
There are few things in this world that cause me as much misery as having to wear a saree does. Not that i've had to on too many occasions, but i live in mortal dread of some such occasion popping up and me having to put up another fight of my life. And it is just impossible to make people understand that i genuinely dont like the garment. I would dearly love to punch the next person who says - you cannot look bad in a saree. Really??? That is your argument? That i should wear something i dont like, am extremely uncomfortable and totally self-conscious in, just because i look good in it? Really??? And a smaller punch for the person who tries cultural blackmail. There are thousands of women who gladly wear sarees, let them preserve this part of our culture. I'll find some other part to preserve. Like... err... i'm sure i'll find something, considering the alternative!
(Yes, that is an actual argument. You cant throw "but what if everyone thinks like that" at me. Everyone does not think like that.)
My misery is pouring out like this because suddenly and most unexpectedly, it has company! One of Bhai's closest friends is getting married and he has been asked to be a groomsman. And do you know what groomsmen wear? Suits!!!! And, suits are to him what sarees are to me. (You can tell we are related, cant you?) I dont think i have ever been so happy in such a twisted way! While he continues to fight the groom for his right to wear black (jeans and t-shirt, of course), my misery is enjoying the company! And irrespective of the outcome, i know i have found one person who understands.
P.S. If he loses the fight, my plan is to beg the groom to let me into the wedding so that i can..well, i dont really have to do anything. I just have to be there. My misery will have the time of my life.
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