Dress the part

(Look who is back! Angsty Aunty – say hi and tell her you  missed her, wont you?)

If you must crap all over my life, I don’t know why you must but I’m sure you have your reasons, can you please not be so nice while doing it? It makes everything much simpler if the bad guys come with an eye patch and an evil laugh and sinister background score. I simply do not know what to do with people who stand squarely in my way, don’t let me go ahead and then with genuine concern feed me so I don’t feel hungry. Until I can get super powers enough to reform the bad guys or beat them to pulp, can they please dress the part? Thank you.

Car, tissues etc

(Random writing again, but how many posts can you call random and what would be the point?)

Car driving goes well (people actually asked me, and here i thought no one cared. sniff). I had gotten pretty comfortable with the whole thing, stopped being a hazard as well as a nuisance, when i realized i was still driving barefoot! Time to cross that bridge, one tiny step at a time. Day 1 with socks - no big deal. Day 2 with chappals. And i went back to being a nuisance - all late starts and jerky driving. Why am i on the bridge at all, i wondered, whats so wrong with driving barefoot? I tried and failed to think of emergencies where i would have to drive with footwear on, or the world would go to pieces. But i guess we are programmed to see things to completion, so i soldiered on. Day 3 was with shoes. Much better, contrary to expectations. Monday i should try military boots?

I have a big problem with the casual use of tissues. Especially to wipe wet hands, i mean can you imagine the waste? Every time someone washes their hands, they waste paper. I see myself becoming some kind of Hermione, starting a Society for Prevention of Overuse of Tissues that no one cares about. Until one day, right in the middle of a world threatening emergency, a certain someone washes his hands and doesnt use a tissue. And we forget the world and live happily ever after. Oh wait, i'm married now. So its going to have to be the dude who does the deed.

My inner voice (by which i just mean the voice in my head, not my conscience) has now occasionally started talking in Telugu. Which is bizarre since hello, i dont understand what it is saying! Its been almost a year since i've been surrounded by Telugu speaking people speaking Telugu, and yet i think i understand about 30%. I never imagined i'd be so slow in picking up a language. Although, i have almost the entire cipher text in my head, the day i find the decryption key will be the day i know it all!

A nice round number

Today I turn 6 bits old.

WTF.

What a good book can do

My reading has gone down considerably since you know what happened and i moved to Bangalore. I might have mentioned somewhere that the dude found a stack of Science fiction/Fantasy books that i drooled all over. Turns out i might have spent more time drooling than actually reading. It started off well, i finished The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms and it was good. Then i moved on to Stranger in a Strange Land, a book i had heard so much about, an author i had heard so much about. I was prepared to love it, even if that meant changing the meaning of love! It was... boring. Not that it didnt have its moments, but the signal to noise ratio was too low, and all the signal got over pretty fast. I trawled through it and then moved on to The Windup Girl. What with the Hugo and all, i'd wanted to read it for ever. But, it was taking too much of effort, and instead of reading becoming relaxing and invigorating (yes, it can be both at the same time), it became something to check off a list - did i read something this week? Tick.
Some neurons in my head decided to go all dramatic, and proposed the theory that maybe the problem is not with the book, that maybe reading doesnt mean that much anymore, that maybe you know what has changed that too. (i know, no one proposes theories with so many maybes, but these are my neurons, for me sometimes, even my name is Vinaya, maybe).
One fine Wednesday afternoon at work, i found a book lying on my neighbours desk. I cant pass a book by without investigating, so i picked it up. Saw the name Papadimitriou, remembered a professor from long ago mentioning him, and maybe even a textbook, and opened it to find a comic book! It was Logicomix - a comic book about the search for a solid foundation for Mathematics! I took it to my desk, and that is all i did for the rest of the day at work - read it*. Somewhere in between, i looked up, smiled at the world in general and felt really glad to be alive. That is what a good book can do.



* Do not ask me at what stage i got so comfortable with the new surroundings to be able to do something like that in full public eye. I have a hundred justifications as to why i did it, but even after 5 years at the last workplace, i couldnt have done it there. Maybe you know what also gives you a thick skin!

Baby on board

Nope, not ours. Thought we've recently done the 9 months so that wouldnt be so much a scandal as a surprise not to mention, well, never mind. The dude's sister has had a baby and he is home! In all his pink glory! We got him all kinds of pink stuff too, thus throwing in our lot with this little girl.

All he does so far is
- sleep at the wrong time
- wake up at the wrong time
- distribute all fingers he can find all over his face. At ant given point he usually has two in his mouth, one up his nose, one trying to dig out his eye and a couple inside his ears. As if, if he doesnt hold his organs together, they will leave him and run away.

But. I love little kids., always have. (Ask her, i dreamt of their kid being a musical prodigy and singing patriotic songs before i even saw him). Plus, i get to be this little one's maami. When i was a little kid, maami == fun. She taught us games and sometimes even played with us when no one was watching, who gave us birthday gifts, who i was surprisingly comfortable with, given how awkward i was around most others, probably because she lived next door for most of my life. Unfortunately, these folks have a different naming convention and so, though the dude becomes a mama, i become an athai. Not that there is anything wrong with athai, athais are fun too, but i am already athai to 3 kids (all of whom call me by name, but you dont know that, do you) and this is the only kid in the universe who can call me maami. My master plan involves bribing the kid until he calls me just that. Or Vinaya.

I wish he would grow up enough to have a name. Until then he be Babloo* to me. And then grow up enough to smile. And crawl. And walk. And talk. Basically hurry up, become interesting and then stay there!


* If you are the dude or Monu or anyone who studied under Anne Joseph Madam at KVGK, shut up about the history of that name, will you?

The end

of the year, haha. I am not going anywhere, sorry to dash your hopes.

Yesterday was my first 12 hour day at work, which means i'm settling in? I'm not, though, and when people ask me i tell them nope, not settled yet and then they dont know where to look. All crazy people, lots and lots of Malayalees (not my fault if you correlate the two). The only reason i mention that again is that my inner voice now speaks with a Malayalee accent. Most irritating it is (its not personal, you understand, Malayalee accent is one of my favourites), but its my inner voice, you know. This one time when i was ODing on American TV shows, my inner voice switched to an American accent. I was terrified it would come out and then I would be one of the people with an unnecessary accent that i laugh at.

My back has given up again, i cant wear a helmet without feeling that my head will wobble off. So on most days, the car it is. And since the dude refuses to get a music system for it, i drive to my inner voice running a live commentary on the idiocy of my fellow travelers. The mad way they honk and yell if i take 2 seconds to start my car - oh shut up &#^^%$ dont you remember a time when you were just starting to drive? Or if they wait patiently for me to move - dont you patronize me you *&^@*$&^, if i'm being a nuisance, tell me. All in a Malayalee accent. Fun.

I have today and Monday off, i didnt ask why. It just stopped drizzling and the weather is glorious. There is a cook who is doing the cooking (she speaks English! I dont know how to process that). No one has asked me about "new year plans". Life, is good.

One week later

Well, it only been 3 days, but i'm not complaining! Weekends are most welcome anytime. (In theory. In practice, i still dont know what to do with them.)

Bullet points (since i'm all over the place and dont think coherence will come)

- Teething troubles, as expected. Although at the end of day 1, i did get to get home the best laptop i've ever had! Which, if you've met the laptops i've had, is not saying much. I'll try that again. At the end of day 1, i got to get home a good laptop.

- I'm like a small town girl seeing the big city sights for the first time, as far as free stuff in the office is concerned. It'll be a while before i get used to It'll be a while before i stop grinning stupidly at my laptop or the headphones or the rows and rows of biscuits or the fruits or the fridge.

- They have two buildings across the street from one another. There is the safe boring way of crossing over (by taking the overhead bridge) and the unsafe interesting way that involves crossing the two halves of MG road and climbing over 3 feet walls and wading through trash. Obviously, i do the interesting. The problem is, the moment i stand at the side of the road, all autowallas in the vicinity rush to me, because obviously a girl will not be stupid enough to try to cross over. I have to keep shaking my head at them.

- Did you know that autos and rickshaws are two different things? I use them interchangeably, and if i had a rupee for every time someone explained to me that rickshaws are a thing of the past, well, i'd probably be able to buy a polo.

- People in the office are actually friendly. Which is unexpected. When confronted with a new joinee, my natural reaction is to ignore them and nod politely when ignoring is no longer viable. Under no circumstances do i try small talk, because i run out of it after sentence two and then we are in a far more awkward position that before. Of all the things that terrify me in life, running out of things to say is pretty high up on the list.

- People in the office are also Malayalee. And given that i absorb accents and mannerisms like a sponge, you will very soon find me speaking Tamil with a Telugu accent, Telugu with a Tamil accent and English with a Malayalee accent.

- People in the office also think nothing of singing Kolaveri out loud for no particular reason.

- I still need a gym.

Employed

This doesnt feel like news, but since i announced my impending unemployment from rooftops and then went on and on about it, driving a van with a loudspeaker through your head, i suppose i should also say that i have a job. From tomorrow, i'll be bringing home the bacon. (Which, if taken literally, might be as useful as the money i bring. No one seems to want my money. Not even me).

So, yes, job. I cant get excited about it. Probably because the process was crap. And it didnt exactly end well. But, its taught me stuff. Never again am i going to be so unprepared that i will need two months just to get confident enough to go for an interview. I now know that i am not as bad at them as i thought i would be. Oh, there are things i need to get better at, and this process has shone the spotlight on them, for which i am grateful. But as the dude says, this is only the beginning.

What the hell is wrong with me i dont know. I was more cheerful when i was unemployed!

On flying

Confession: If you get the feeling that the crap here is crappier than usual, you might not be entirely wrong. I get the feeling that i have lowered my blogable-material threshold. This might be because i happened to look at the blog archive and discovered that this is my worst year, quantity wise. Or it might be because i am jobless. Whichever it is, kindly adjust.

In all my life i have never flown as much as i have flown this year. (Hell, i have probably never traveled as much as i have this year). What all that frequent flying* has done is make me realize another aspect of the awesomeness of trains. See, if i  were traveling to Bangalore by train, it'd take me 18 hours or so to get me here. All the time in the world to get used to the idea that i am going to a different city, different people. I'll have time to mentally prepare myself to be Vinaya@Bangalore. Whereas by flight, all i get is an hour and a half, and i spend most of that sleeping. I've done this to and fro so many times now, but even now i lose about a day orienting myself to my new surroundings. Instead of feeling i belong to two places***, for a day or two, i feel like i belong nowhere. 


* This travel website says i get a free ipad** if i make two more bookings with them by the end of the year! Not that i particularly want an ipad, but for free? I'll take your used chappals also happily.

** An ipad has casually entered at made itself at home at my Pune-home. I dont know when we became those people. In fact when i landed, my dad opened the door with the ipad in hand! He had been trying to book flight tickets for his 82 year old friend. I took it from like a big know it all, booked the ticket, and then discovered that there is no way to print the ticket from it. Not a big deal, you want to tell me, you can get tickets printed at the airport, but try convincing an 82 year old to go to the airport without a ticket. Not happening without DNA transplant. I called up bhai to yell at him (all Apply product failures he is of course personally responsible for), but he got extremely defensive and asked me to shut up and throw the ipad away if i didnt like what it did.

*** Reminds me of my second favourite story about this cousin of mine. When she was young, she went and demanded of her mother - "why do you call my father's mom and dad as mom and dad? Dont you have your own mom and dad?" To which her mom explained that after marriage, women get two sets of parents. She digested that for a bit and came back with - "So if i marry two people, i'll get three sets of parents??"

I want my money back!

Statutory warning: Rant. I wash my hands off it. Take it seriously at your own peril.

Its not fair. Not only does he get to be in another country, he gets to meet long lost friends like the Statue of Liberty and this madam, who then proceeds to invite him for lunch! Whereas me, who hasnt seen her since 2006 and the statue of liberty since forever, gets to sit in the same old country and there is no way to end that sentence without including positive things about my life right now, which would take away from the sting of the rant, so i'm going to put a full stop right about now. There. And my friends, who made me write teary eyed farewell mails, who gave me goodbye cards with heartfelt wishes (like - "good luck wishes"), who insisted they will miss me, who havent seen me for a whole month now, cant even decide whether to meet me for breakfast! (Aaha! Lightbulb! So this is what "you will be missed" means - even if you come back and we have a chance to meet, we will miss meeting you. Hmpf). I have decided to drown my sorrows by watching Rockstar and Tintin. I tried getting some nephews and nieces and cousins to come along, but somewhere between the time i was in 10th standard and now, watching a movie that will go away in another week at the most has become less urgent than studying for board exams more than 3 months away. To top it all off, i have the prospect of an interview or four hanging on my head ALL THE TIME. It all depends on how well the guy i sent some code to two days ago (two days ago! how long does it take to look at code, yo?) likes it, and so if i were to be the prudent and responsible version of me, i should be preparing for the future i want, not whining about the present that isnt.



P.S. I couldnt tell you what my 10th standard was like in the rant, because again, it wasnt fitting in with the theme. Mine was a wake up at 5 a.m. everyday to study kind of 10th standard. I dont know what i did waking up at 5, but whatever it was it didnt feel like enough. There were rumours of this guy in the other section who woke up at 3.30 to study. And who had already finished the syllabus by August or some such ridiculously early month. TV and movies were things that happened to other people. But, good times all the same.

The folks less travelled: Coonoor

I have a confession to make. More to myself than to anyone else. I'm not a travel person. I love the idea of getting away from it all, for sometime being someone else someplace else, who doesnt, but the actual details of when to go where to go how to go put me off. To top it off, the husband (who shall hereafter be called the dude) is the kind of person who needs all reservations signed in triplicate. And my meticulousness stops miles before that stage, i can take off on the promise of a bed and breakfast. In short, details are the devil.

I'd been toying around with the idea of going somewhere for a few weeks. More by accident than design, i'd been traveling every month since i got married and September was about to end and i hadnt gone anywhere! I couldnt just let that be. So i bought out my 52 weekend destinations in Bangalore and flipped through the pages looking for possibilities. I skipped past Ooty several times, i mean, such a cliche, but then i remembered Bhai (who shall hereafter be called Bhai) raving about this place near Ooty he'd been to with Black Swan. I called him for details and he got terribly excited and all i could make out was Coonoor! Jose! Kotagiri! He had Shishir call me some time later who was fortunately more coherent. He gave me a few options and then asked if Bhai had talked to me about Jose's place in Coonoor. I said he might have been trying to. Shishir said, its a homestay, one of the best. A bit over your budget, but unbeatable. He went as far as to say if you dont like it, i'll refund your costs! I called up Bhai, who was still not very coherent. For his sake, we decided to go to Jose's.

And ooh my God. Whenever anyone tells you about Jose's, they will probably tell you the same thing. Its a house on top of a hill. With a 360 degrees view. During the day you can see green hills all around. And during the night, you can see lights from 3 different cities - Coonoor, Ooty and Kotagiri, each on their own hill. But words dont do justice to the view. At least mine wont, so i'll just say its unbelievable and stop at that.

We reached there in the afternoon. After a delicious lunch cooked by Jose's wife Sindhu, we made big plans of what to do with our two days. We decided to go see the dam after a short nap and then go down to Coonoor. Right. Overnight journey followed by awesome lunch, short nap indeed! And to top it off, it started to rain a few minutes after we went into our room. I cannot tell you how much i love lying on a bed just staring out at the falling rain. Apparently not more than i love to sleep, though. When we woke up, it was evening. So we ditched the dam and went to Coonoor. Lower Coonoor was noisy and crowded so we escaped to Upper Coonoor. Walked around and had random things for dinner. Jose picked us up on his way back from somewhere and deposited us home. Where hot Ooty tea and roasted cashews were waiting for us. We stayed out for a very long time, enjoying the distant city lights, the silence, the night sky (this is where the dude introduced me to Google Sky and for the first time, i fell in love with an App), and each others company.

The next day was the day of the dam. We overslept. Again. But that didnt stop us from going on pre-breakfast walk down the hill. Got back and did full justice to Sindhu's appam and stew. And then we set off for the dam. Despite asking for directions from many people, we just couldnt find the damn thing. But everything was so pretty, we really didnt mind. Finally, following authoritative directions from some locals, we followed a track in the woods. And came across a clearing where a really tall tree had gone horizontal. There it was, lying across the way, welcoming one and all to sit on it. And we did. Well, the dude did. I lay down on it, looking up at the blue sky, at other gently swaying trees, who to tell you the truth, appeared slightly drunk. And i learnt that i need to learn to shut up at such moments. Every few seconds I'd get terribly excited, grin like crazy, shake the dude and tell him - this is so awesome!

We had to leave. Much too soon. We did see the dam and few monkeys but it was an anti-climax. We got back, picked up our stuff and said goodbye to Jose, Sindhu, their two boys and the star of the trip - their home. I wont tell you the story of their home, it is much more interesting hearing it from them, but i'll tell you this - it showed me the difference between constructing a house and building a home.

Interviews!

Prospective employers seem to read my blog. (Which may not be such a good thing in the long run, but i'm going to pretend this run is short). The interviews have begun! Just got back from my first job interview in 9 years and my throat is dry and my body parts are shaking and i cut and ate a whole musk melon by myself but all that only shows that i am alive, right?

The dude has flown to the US for god knows what so i am home alone. (Well, as alone as you can be with a houseful of people). But as long as there are interviews to prepare for, (i dont want to say the next part but its true) who cares? All i do is use him as a cheat sheet for questions i am stuck at, and that i can do with him sitting there too. I really really want this phase to end so we can start figuring out what to do with "free time".

Okay, i will now go bury my head in the Internet and prepare for the next one. Wish me luck, y'all!

I might regret this

Dear prospective employers,

I write this to you just in case you are not sold on my loaded with awesomeness resume (which seems to be the case, not even an interview call, what the hell is going on?). I really need a job for the following reasons:

1. I need a free gym to go to
The ones around me are insanely expensive and not suited to my lifestyle which at least until now included long vacations trips to Pune. I am bloating up! And i have never been great at the do it at home yourself kind. Come to think of it, the only kind that has worked for me is the kind where i pay through my nose, so i'd rather not think of it.

2. The kitchen needs to see less of me
Really. All sorts of things have been happening to it since i got here. I have been explaining them away as coincidences and unfortunate accidents but i think suspicions have take root.

3. I need to not get used to afternoon sleep.
See, you will employ me, one day or another. Better do it now before i get used to afternoon sleep and spend two months on the job trying to get rid of the habit.

4. I need a social life.
Well, i dont really feel the need for it, which is scarier if you ask me. So, gimme people before i give up on them altogether and become a kitchen hermit. Please.

I hope this letter argues for my case better than my resume did.

Thanking you,
Yours sincerely,

Vinaya


P.S. I hope this letter finds you in good health and cheer.

Random

Metallica was here yesterday. So was bhai on his bullet. Guess which of them i got to see. I did briefly consider going to see the band, but when i couldnt name any song other than Nothing Else Matters, i decided to leave them alone and stay at home. One concert, one live concert is all i'm asking of you, stupid Bengalooru! That, and a job, of course.
On the same day, i graduated to playing songs on the keyboard. Sun oye Metallica, you might have a lead, but its not going to take me very long to catch up. Twinkle, twinkle little star, i will rock you like you have never been rocked before! As soon as i figure out which finger goes where.

The job hunt is not going places. I alternate between telling myself i will be patient (its only been a week) and applying for a delivery job at the nearby Dominoes. Which i might not get, given my knowledge, or lack thereof, of the streets of this city. Its all 5th Cross and 6th Main and oh, how i miss names like Vainu Bappu marg and the 2 Senapati Bapat roads i crossed to get to work.

The kindle is back in action! A huge collection of ebooks has been discovered by the dude, and if only i didnt turn into such a complete wreck at the very idea of giving interviews, i would right now be deep into one of them. Or many of them, i cant pick! I want all! But, no. As soon as i am done with this post, i shall go back to K&R. Which is why you might find me rambling a bit more than prudent.

I dont remember when i last read K&R, but i have underlined and drawn stars and written things in pencil all over it. Most of those things i now know, so it makes me feel like the years have added up to something, after all. I may not have bought about world peace, or improved lives or even figured out what to do with mine, but i do know why *++argv works. And you cant take that away from me.

I am going to, today, for the first time ever, lads and lasses, get a car out on my own and go pick up the dude! Wish me luck, wish the car luck, wish Bangalore luck, but most of all, wish him luck!

This is it

It was today. My last day at work. My last review. Whew! Last lunch with whats left of the gang. Ate like a pig. Again. Certainly not for the last time! My last mail to all. I wrote two lines but L, M and Z blackmailed me into making it longer. The last time i went looking for a sensor. My last snack hour. Gifts! My last speech. Which i didnt give. The last ice cream t Naturals, its become a sort of last day tradition now. On our way back, i was asked for the nth time how i was feeling. And i said - it feels like someone else's farewell. And it did. I think its a kind of self preservation mechanism developed by the mind. Its like the mind has decided - yeh bahut bada patthar hai, apne se nahi uthega, chal side se nikal chalte hain. Which worked fine till we reached the parking lot and it was time for final goodbyes.

Instead of going all soppy again, i paste for you (but more for me) the last mail.



Hi All,

Everyone expects me to ramble (after all, one who rambles on Birthday mails can ramble on anything), so i'm keeping this short. The last 5 years have been good, and if the next place i go to gives me as much laughter and learning as this one, i shall be very lucky indeed.

Keep in touch and all the best.

Thank you all,
Vinaya



P.S. Gotcha! Turns out I cant be brief in writing, even if i wanted to. This is my second job, and when i joined 5 years ago, i wondered if it would be as fulfilling as the first. Induction went on for a month and at the end of it, i was more than ready to jump in. For my first "feature" someone (who shall remain unnamed) came to talk to me and started off with - "Do you know about hash tables?" I couldnt believe it was okay to not to know them, and i'm sure some of the disbelief showed on my face. Which he took to mean that i didnt know, and started explaining about hash functions and keys, (i imagine) mentally cursing the interview process. I hurriedly assured him i knew what they were, and that is how multihash tables were born. From there, there was no looking back. I played with threads, fought deadlocks (more of them self inflicted than i'd like to admit), set fire to devices, squashed bugs, (metaphorically) bashed people up (and had the most fun doing it), made people run all around the office, and generally had a violently good time.
Thank you all for the last 5 years, for the jokes, for letting me feel a part of the whole, for teaching me, for letting me teach, for laughing at my mistakes while telling me its okay, for making it easy and for making it fun. Also for making me write this.
But i do not thank you for making it so hard to leave.

Room with a view

There is this room type thing we have built on our terrace. It started out as a covered place where clothes could hang out during the rains, but has now evolved into a kind of an attic. I have had my eye on it for a very long time. Its basically just 4 walls and a roof but i can salivate just imagining a home in it. A bed in one corner, TV in another, kitchen in another and what more do you need? The "walls" have huge openings so its a room with a view! (So what if the view is the neighbour's balcony?) As i was saying, i've had my eye on it for a while. This time, the day i got home i decided i was going to sleep up there. Its crazy what my folks let me get away with. We cleaned up the mess (i.e. threw everything inside, outside), swept the place (i had stated to vacuum , but gave up after the damn cleaner took two minutes to clean one square foot. Which might be because the cleaner is almost as old as i am, but it has made me more or less give up on vacuum cleaners altogether), washed out the dirt (taking water from the tank and throwing it all around, whats not to like?) and put the mattress out to dry. All before breakfast, mind you.

That night was going to be the night. I was so excited, i laughed at mosquito warnings and weather forecasters forecasting rains. I went and curled up with a book and the emergency lamp (nope, no electricity either). No mosquitoes. I laughed some more. Finally when it was time to sleep, i shut the lamp and within a few seconds i had two insurmountable problems. Mosquitoes, which apparently wait until dark to attack, and i needed to go to the loo. There was no way i was going all the way down and coming back up, no sir. So that night turned into yet another night.

Tonight though? Tonight is different. Tonight i have an extension chord that is connected to an extension chord that bring electricity to me. Tonight I have industrial strength protection against mosquitoes (although the mild green light the repellent is emitting does little to inspire confidence), tonight i have a laptop AND a book to keep me company, tonight i have bed covers enough to smother all bed bugs. Tonight is going to be the night!

I hope i dont need to go to the loo.

Day 3 and 4

(Because i wrote about day 1 and two somewhere but cant find it now.)

Day 3

I am ignored pretty much all morning. Except by this new kid who comes looking for me with a question.

Kid: Is blah feature supported on xyz?
Me: (who has designed and coded blah not at all so very long ago) No, not at all.

Kid goes away happy. And then i start to think, why not? I open code, i look around, i dont understand, i try to remember, i cant, i try to reason, and that works. I realize I have misled the kid. I look around for him but there are too many new faces and all i remember is the colour of his shirt. After a lot of peering at shirts, i finally find the one with the right colour.

Me: I'm sorry, xyz actually does support blah. It doesnt support yabadabadoo.
Kid: (first looking confused and then happy) Oooh, i actually wanted to ask about yabadabadoo!

Just to rub my genius in your face, i give the right answer even when asked the wrong question. How they will survive without me i dont know.

Early lunch at kakas, i ate shrikhand! Yum! My stomach is turning into a bottomless pit. Or maybe a black hole, because everything i eat disappears. Which is the most awesome thing that could happen, i'm hoping it is permanent! I could be the slimmest pig in the world!
Knowledge is attempted to be transferred. From me standing and talking for two hours and a whole bunch of people sitting and sleeping listening for two hours*.


Day 4

Started late. I lay the blame on the Game of Thrones for being so damn interesting. Meetings. Lunch, where everyone agreed surprisingly quickly on the place and then went to another. Random reading. Review. Probably my last decent sized one. Someday i'll develop the courage to ask people to fix their indentation. Movie! In the interval L says - 4 people, and not one person had the foresight to read the review! But apparently the way we watch movies is pick a convenient time and watch whatever is showing. The movie was pretty bad but the company more than made up for it. And M probably immortalized the song Banao Banao by declaring it the song to be sung while running make. I laughed so hard at that, see, this is what i am most afraid of missing. The bad jokes and the shared laughter. I have been lucky enough at both workplaces, although in very different ways. We used to laugh like crazy even at the old workplace, but very rarely on geeky jokes. That sense of humour i have picked up here. What i'm saying is, i dont mind if at the next workplace i find my laughter over MIL jokes and baby food***, i'm open like that. Just give me people who inspire me and who make me laugh, thats all i ask of you, old man @ blue sky. Also, preferably not have the same person do both. I have found that i am very conscious around people who inspire me, laughing around them is limited.



* Obviously. If they'd listened for longer, they wouldnt have heard much. Unless i was far far away and sound was taking time to reach them**. Which i wasnt. I was close enough for them to throw tomatoes at. Or eggs, if they were so inclined. And though i would have advised restraint, i can see why they would be tempted. When they really want to hit me, when cleaning up my mess is taking over their lives, i will not be around.

** I really should make physics jokes. I'm sure there is something fundamentally wrong about that sentence, physics wise.

*** We are not there yet. Not even close ****

****You probably didnt need to know that. Sorry.

The end of an era

I'm in Pune to say goodbye to my job and i can see that it is going to be overwhelming. Especially since i have nothing lined up to go back to. Unemployment! Its strange, I certainly didnt expect that to take up so much space in my head.
I thought i'd document these two weeks, peppered with flashback of the past 5 years, but i dont know how much stuff i'll get to write about. The last time i tried that (at the end of another era), i didnt get past day 1. But here i am, foolishly making the same mistake bravely try, try and trying again.

Day 0. Left home for Bangalore Airport. Of all the airports i have been in, this is the one i call mine. Probably because the 6 hours my dad and i spent there once, waiting for our flight. We'd just fixed up my marriage, and despite the one thousand reasons to, neither of us was freaking out. We talked and sat and ate and walked around and i got to hear, for the first time in first person, a bit about the young man my dad had been. I dont know, does adult life so thoroughly wash off your youth, that even the wistfulness doesn't remain?

It started to rain on the way. The droplets started off by forming a pretty pattern on the windshield, but pretty soon were racing to the roof! Like kids released from the confines of a school bus, actually more like solders pumped up with, well, whatever good speeches are supposed to pump them up with, rushing towards the enemy, eager for a fight, eager for death. I got most terribly excited seeing that. I very badly wanted to know what happened once they got to the roof, but we were already late and i was already not helping and so i ate up my curiosity.

The flight got to Pune early. Bhai got to the airport early. I refused to get on his bike without a card bearing my name. Someday i'll make that joke one times too many and i'll get picked up with a card and flowers and then i'll have to die of embarrassment. Within 5 minutes i got a lecture from Bhai - why are you so dead and disinterested in all things technological and why do you need a job so desperately and why dont you do something interesting and if only i had the skills i'd make a million cool apps (and he would, poor thing and go mad in the process since he gets cool ideas on a daily basis). I told him i am willing to be his code monkey but he says that is no fun.

Home. And everything that implies. Parents. Bath. Grandparents. Dinner. Movie. And sleep.

Things that make my head go bang bang bang

Bang as in exclamation! For once, i am not fantasizing about shooting people.

I bargain. With a flower seller. And win. The gym instructor talks to me in Tamil. I go to the gym with my FIL. Every time i go stand anywhere close to a temple, one of the flower sellers sitting there will come and give me flowers for free. Every time. Its like they can smell the fear. The apnapan i feel when i hear someone speaking Marathi here. The dude, at random times. After 5 years of fitting into a chat window, to suddenly see him life-size, even though he may just be disapproving of the mess that is my cupboard. How easily i can switch contexts depending on which home i am in. Like a robot with two settings - Pune and Bangalore. There are irreconcilable differences in the two settings, but since never the twain shall meet, it all works out. Money means so little to me. I still havent caught a live concert in Bangalore. I can make vadais. In principle. How easy it is to forget. And how difficult to understand. The kindle hasnt taken over my my life. I am quitting. The place that has been the biggest part of my life (well, time-wise) for 5 years now. I need people. Yet how little i do to keep them in my life. 

Excuses

The problem with food, or rather, with the making of food, apart from the fact that it needs to be done every. single. day. is the sense of  accomplishment that it gives. I have never had to cook in my life, and so when i now have to, one meal makes me feel i have justified my presence on earth. Not breakfast, breakfast is fun. But anything after that i do, and i can happily spend the rest of day basking in its glory. Which is kind of strange because i come from a family of working women, every single one of them. Whatever they have done in life, they have done in addition to making food.

My life right now is a long list of things that need to be done and are not getting done. Well, its actually not very long, if we get right down to it, there is just this one thing. Come next month and i will be done with my current job. Yes! No more working from home! Happy as that makes me, i need to make sure this doesnt turn into No more working! And totally contrary to my usual approach to things, i am handling the look for a new job thing by worrying too much and doing too little. Which you might have  figured out when i tried to pass off " but i had to make lunch" as an excuse for not preparing.

So, i need to prepare. And while i have full confidence that i'll get a job, i have close to zero confidence that i can clear an interview. Any interview. Even one for LKG. When the dude tries to help by asking me questions, i make faces and not-today-honey him. I'd like to take the high road and say the system needs to change to accommodate people like me (of whom there are plenty), but that will take time. Meanwhile, i shall have to stoop to conquer.