What happens when a laid back, unfocused, unambitious, "I-don't-know-where-I'm-going-and-am-in-no-hurry-to-get-there" person gets into the driver's seat? Initially there is this immense sense of freedom, of control. Of finally being able to direct the course of your life, of being able to do exactly what you want to. You go superfast when you feel like it and stop in the middle of nowhere when you don't. You stop to smell every flower, to splash around in every pond, to gaze at every sunset. You experience everything you missed when someone else in a hurry was driving and you were just a hitchhiker they picked up. Pretty soon though, the distractions start to rule. You stop to smell even those flowers that make you sneeze every time you get anywhere near them. You splash around in the slimest of ponds. And you stop to look at the sun set even though you see no beauty in it anymore. What is the use of freedom, you ask yourself, if you use it do the same things that you did when you were not free? And then one day you stop driving - you don't see the point. If you don't have to get anywhere in particular, this place is as good as any. You see other cars zipping by, and you tell yourself they are fools. They don't know how to live.
One day, you are so bored of just existing, you get into the car. Just to do something different. Cruise along aimlessly for some time. The driver of a speeding car looks at you and laughs. And you get angry. Do you think I cant drive faster, you yell. I don't want to. I am more in control than you will ever be. But he has sped off. You decide to catch up with him, just to show him you can. And that one thought drives you. You speed up the car. You are a little rusty, but it all starts to come back. Habit takes over and very soon you are driving faster than you've done in months. You don't see the flowers. Or the ponds. You don't even know how many times the sun has set since you started to drive.
You do catch up with him in the end. As you pass him he waves at you, the wave intended as a salute and taken as one. The sunset never seemed as beautiful as it does that night.
You are glad to be back on the road again, glad to have your life back. You just hope, as you watch the last rays of the sun disappear, that you are not one of those people who need to be driven.

The eternal pessimist

Strange, how unexpected good luck is as difficult to digest as unexpected bad luck. Be it an unexpected bonus, unexpected grades or anything. You know you don't deserve it. Everyone around you knows you don't deserve it. And yet, there it is. And the same question going around in everyone's mind - "Why her?" And you have no answers.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there isn't a part of my heart that wants to dance around with joy, justice be damned. But its movement is severely restricted by the heavier parts. One part is weighed down by embarrassment, one by fear.
Fear? Apprehension is more like it. Because hidden somewhere deep inside is the concept of God. That He runs the world. That His system is not arbitrary, but a well defined one of checks and balances. And an unexpected balance in your account means an unexpected check is waiting for you somewhere.

I do manage to make winning a lottery sound like the most terrifying thing in the world, don't I ?

I feel so special. You see, I have my own personal sun. Sitting right over my head, shining just for me. Don't get me wrong, Mr. V-sun, I'm not being ungrateful, but could you please move back a little? Because, you see, I'm starting to melt!
Everyone here has had it with the heat. A friend and I spent half an hour yesterday looking for places with suns a little less eager to rise and shine. Right now, Darjeeling looks like a cool place to be in. And while that looks difficult owing to my present commitments, I do have another dream. A dream of getting my own Dar(jee)ling into my room.

It all begins with him walking into my room. Tall, dark, and so what if he is not handsome? A flick of a switch, and my world is transformed! I'm curled up in bed under a blanket, probably even wearing a sweater, steaming hot coffee in one hand a book in another. I look out of the window and see snow covered peaks, ski slopes, snowmen, snowball fights...

I know it doesn't make sense. But that's the great thing about dreams. They don't have to.

Seven degrees of boredom
(Haven't had to stoop down to 7th degree for quite some days now)

1. Visiting my own blog. And those of all the people I know. 10 times a day.

2. Orkutting. Scrapping stuff you could later blackmail me with into scrap books of people living a stone's throw away.

3. A walk all the way to the department, just to switch off the lights in some lab (someone will be proud of me)

4. Clothes-free chair

5. Dust-free room

6. Study

7. Bathe

The Past
No schedule, no deadlines, each day a blank page to be filled with anything you like. Most of mine I filled with movies, visits to/from others trying to fill in the blanks and occasional worries about whether the aged would cough up. Life last week was a leaf straight out of a P.G. Wodehouse novel!
I've often wondered while enjoying his books what it must feel like to lead such utterly meaningless lives. Now I know. Its terrible! Not that life otherwise is very meaningful, but it sure is full, leaving very less scope or necessity for meaning. Someone very rightly said - Man invented work to keep himself from thinking. If you sit down to think - "what am I doing here, what is the point of all this" you are not likely to get anywhere. So just keep moving, at least to keep up the illusion that you are getting somewhere.

The Present
Life this week is back to normal. Work. Strangely, I'm more at peace with it. Maybe because I've been to the other side and seen that the grass there is not so green.

It was an important decision and you were glad it wasn't too difficult for you to make. Of all the paths that crossed yours, you had finally decided the one you wanted to go on. It looked interesting, it looked promising, it looked pretty much what you wanted (which was a very big thing since you were never sure exactly what was it that you wanted). And so you took your first baby steps on your new path. Didn't seem all that exciting or different at first, but you knew all that would come later.
You had not gone too far when lightening stuck. There was rain, there was thunder, the sun disappeared for days. And you had to decide. To go on or turn back. You peered into the rain, hoping for a glimpse of what lay ahead. But it only rained harder and stung your eyes. Finally, tired of standing in the rain, soaked to the innermost bone, you decided to continue. You just hoped that somewhere along the path when the sun did finally come out, it would all turn out to be the way you wanted it to be.

That's it!! I'm done. Never ever ever again! Somebody do me a HUGE favour and take the responsibility of killing me if I ever show the slightest inclination of going academic again!
Yes !! Just back from my laaast ever exam. It was a horror, but everyone was scared so I don't feel so stupid. That's the beauty of relative grading. You're fine as long as everyone is down. Aaah, feels so wonderful. And for once the weather matches my mood. Its just stopped raining, everything is fresh and green and cool. Its just perfect! How I wish feelings could be recorded. I don't think I've felt this immense sense of freedom ever! Been jumping and skipping in the corridors, causing minor earthquakes everywhere, but who cares! I'm freeeeeeeeee !!!