Me, myself and the world

Attack of the withdrawal symptoms

2010-01-03T21:37:00.003+05:30

Like Sunday evenings arent bad enough by themselves, i am having to battle severe withdrawal symptoms. These stem from three causes and in decreasing order of potency are:

1. The end of Sports Night
Another Sorkin series discovered on youtube. The man can write and how! Someday i'm going to meet him and hit him on the head head for ruining conversations for me. Nothing will ever match up. The series, its not perfect, its preachy in parts, people are too nice, but they are in my head and. Will. Not. Get. Out. I dont know how authors do it, i just dont. Live, sleep, breathe their characters for years and then move on. I finished the show in a week and yet i sit here feeling like someone has died. Like lots of people have died.

2. The end of Hyperion series
He makes you work hard for the first hundred pages or so, but man, is it worth it! Its about a group of "pilgrims" on their visit to the Shrike, a killing monster or avenging angel depending on which religion you come from. Each pilgrim shares his/her story of why they are going to see the Shrike. One (well, okay, two) book with so many stories, each so powerfully written. The book has more than its share of unexplained scientific jargon and a million things you are expected to accept and move on, but the end ties up the loose ends better than i've come to expect from a science fiction novel.

3. The end of my almost two week long vacation
That i had to take otherwise my leaves would have expired. And i took because i havent learnt to ask - so what. I've rediscovered that i handle change quite okay. I dont miss office on my first day of holidays. From day one, its like i've always lived the holiday life. And tomorrow when i show up at work, it'll be like i never left at all. Its only the transitions that bum me out. A lesson that should give me courage to face bigger changes in life that i'm running away from because of the fear of transition. But doesnt.

Its nine o clock on a Sunday, too early to sleep, too late to start something new. I feel empty inside.

And now for some unseasonal corniness

2009-12-31T19:19:00.002+05:30

''Can you really have friends in office", my cousin asked me as he was leaving. He will be out of college in 6 months. While i was thinking, awww, another kid all growed up, he added, "I mean, they can only be colleagues right?"

I had a sitcom style flashback in which i went over all the "moments" with people from both my first jobs. Well okay, it was only a couple of moments then, but now that i have all the time in the world to write and you, apparently, have nothing better to do, i shall elaborate.

Or not. There is corny and then there is corny. Enough to say that work people, and this is going to be a really long sentence, in spite of my best attempts at ignoring them with silence, jokes and frosty nosed stares, barge or politely knock their way into my life and demand to know what the hell am i doing with it, thus providing much needed moments of introspection and shame, which i hope will someday add up to me getting off my backside and doing something. They bring good ideas beyond work to life, i cannot tell you how satisfying and empowering that is. They read my books and on behalf of my books i am very grateful. What a waste it would be if all of a book's life was about being read by me. Just me. Imagine the size of that existential crisis! If i cannot give them quality, i can at least do quantity!

Its been over 5 years since i worked in the same workplace with the folks at my first first job and so i can safely say its not a same-place-same-time kind of relation. So i told him, "YES, you can have friends in office. I dont know about your second/third job, i suppose it will get difficult as you move higher, but at your first job, you will find friends."

Obligatory whiney year end post

2009-12-25T21:41:00.002+05:30

Heroes season 1 comic
Superman For Tomorrow - Vol 1 and 2
My Laptop
A hard disk full of entertainment
The Fall of Hyperion

It takes all that to make me feel safe enough to go spend a day with my granny. Didnt need to go beyond the first two, but thats not the point. Common sense says there has to be a life beyond books and movies. After all, so many people around survive, if not flourish, without either. Whoever is hiding that world from me (of course i have to find someone to blame!) is doing a damn good job of it too. Showing me all the unattractive or impractical alternatives - malls, pubs, friends, work, family, travel - any of which can fill, but none of which fulfill.

Day 3 of my "take it or leave it" vacation. Existential crisis looms large. Some big gesture is in order to see me through the other side of this one.

Breaking news

2009-12-19T21:52:00.004+05:30

I might have been on TV!

Okay, okay, i'll rewind.

After staring in a film (which finally released a few weeks ago, but not me nor any of the 5 folks who were with me in it managed to get it together to go see it. Are we in it? I guess we'd rather not know), it looks i'm now broadening my horizons with television. The economic Times news channel did a short piece on my office that was telecast at 1 today, but we dont get that channel at home. Is that my curse? Not being able to see my "work"? And how did i get to probably star in it? You get to decide!

A. I am an indispensable part of my office. I am its spirit. I am it.
B. When i work, i embody the image of a software engineer with the source code to change the world.
C. They were shooting at lunchtime and i was back early from lunch.

So, for reasons A,B or C, the camera was pointed at me.

Oh damn, he's on to me. Act natural, remember, act natural and smile. Wait, smile while looking at the screen? Thats not natural. Okay, no smile. What am i looking at? Did i write this code? Look silly to me. Dont just stare blankly, use your fingers! Let them fly over the keyboard, let the screen fill up with the fruits of your labour. Aaha, compile the code! Brilliant. Yes, now raise your eyebrow at that non-existent compile error. Very good. Now go tail -f some logs. Frown at the messages filling up your screen. I dont care if they are saying all is well. Frown at them as some minor character in a movie would frown at some innocent looking aberration that will ultimately herald the end of the world. Dont smile, dammit. Dont twitch either. Aah, finally he is off my face! And on to my fingers now? Really?? Our office ought to have better to offer than my fingers. See all these wires on my desk? And under my desk. Why dont you take a shot of me in the middle of all this mess? Oh your viewers will not get the irony of a company into wireless being filled with wires? Okay my fingers have run out of polite things to do. Can we move on now? Thank you!

There is a repeat telecast sometime tomorrow, but i'm not likely to catch that either. So i guess we'll never know. Moving on to the bigger picture though, the universe seems to have compressed my burst upon the film scene - rise to be the reigning queen - grow old but refuse to go out - move on to television career graph to the span of a year. Looks like the next step of moving on to reality shows will come pretty soon! Inspired by this tweet, i think i'll sign up for KKK! The supreme commander of the armed forces versus the unknown underdog. Aah, what a story that will be! With a nail-biter finish where the underdog wins because of her natural tree-climbing skills. And then refuses to come down and lives happily on it ever after.

Rambling. About work for once

2009-12-16T21:07:00.000+05:30

That bug, it is a silly mistake but it cuts deeper than it should. I spend hours wondering how I could be dumb enough to have missed something so obvious. For that day, i'd like nothing more than to go into the past and not make it. Or baring that, go back into the past and hit the me there on the head.

Or the day I roam around in wide eyed amazement, having watched the master at his very best. No traces of the wistful sigh that comes from knowing you are not made for those heights but wanting to get there anyway.

Or the day spent chasing a tricky little issue, preferably someone elses. The thrill of the chase, the fun in pitting our collective brains against the code, the frustration at being almost but not quite there and the pleasure in finally nailing it.

Such days make me wonder - do i after all love what i do? Not the kind of love that announces itself with a bang. But the kind that creeps up on you and envelopes you without your realizing it.

Somehow, I dont think so. For one, such days are too infrequent. And there is very little that is free flowing, its more hard work/discipline and less inspiration/creativity. For another, the idea of spending the rest of my life in this profession still scares the hell out of me. To be fair though, the idea of anything for the rest of my life is scary. (Its a little bit like looking through Adams Total Perspective Vortex. Only, instead of you being dwarfed by the rest of the Universe, you are dwarfed by the rest of your life and the idea of managing it.). One day at a time, i can live with. But then, that is not saying very much. As life has shown with exceptional clarity, there is very little i cant live with, one day at a time.

Talking about the weather

2009-12-11T22:45:00.002+05:30

Since i havent classified anything in a while. I've often tried to slot the people in my life into two groups which i shall name fair weather friends and, rather imaginatively, foul weather friends. Not in any way related to the usual sense if any, in which these terms are used.

Fair weather friends are those with whom you like to "hang" in fair weather. When the going is good, they make it better. You enjoy the same things, you laugh at each other's jokes. They are the ones you miss during the good times.

And then there are foul weather friends. People you want when the going gets tough. Who encourage you, advise you, motivate you or just listen. The world feels a lot less worse when they are by your side.

And then of course are the people who defy classification. The people who carry your weather with them. They can make the sun come out on a rainy day. Or cause thunder showers in summer. The ones who evoke such strong reactions from you, you wish you knew why.

My goodbye present

2009-12-04T21:54:00.002+05:30

Thats it. My last "girlfriend" is getting ready to leave the country. To whatever/whoever is responsible for this exodus, i'm telling you, i wont let it be. Do you hear me? My people in England, France and god knows what all places in you yes yay, beware. Someday i'll come to each one of these countries and get you all back to mine.
Where i shall as usual continue to not keep in touch, but thats neither here nor there. I want my people in my country!

A hard night's day

2009-11-09T22:47:00.003+05:30

The office van spat him out. He dragged himself up the two floors of his building. Opened the door and sleepwalked straight to the kitchen. Where she had left him breakfast with a Note. That woke him up. Like everyday.

Good morning da!

Heat it before you eat it. Add you clothes to the machine and switch it ON. Or else, we shall be wearing our wedding clothes to work tomorrow. Latest Heroes (yuck) streamed on the PC.

He settled down to Heroes. Reheated breakfast in hand, hum of the washing machine in the background. He felt loved.

I'm feeling postitve

2009-11-05T18:08:00.004+05:30

I missed a step and tore a ligament. Yeah the same one again. One basketball coach used to yell out butter fingers whenever someone let slip a pass they shouldnt have. I now have my own contribution to add to the colourful description of human body parts. Crepe paper ligaments. That tear even on a change in wind direction. Or the flapping of a butterfly's wings. It isnt anywhere as torn as the last time though, so i get away with crepe bandage and no running/jumping/skipping.

So i decided not to be a hero, not to go to work with a limp as if my putting a semi colon was going to save the world. I decided to work from home. I got off to an early start too, before the state electricity board decided to step in. They cut off power for the whole damn day and when asked why, said it was Thursday, like that explained everything and how dumb could one be for asking. So i couldnt work from home, i couldnt entertain myself from home, i certainly couldnt not be at home. The day could have been awful but i had the Big Bang by Simon Singh (who is now my new rock star) for company and of course afternoon sleep. I realized something during the course of the day. Here i am, on an unscheduled leave, and it doesnt bother me, it doesnt affect my work, it doesnt affect anyone else at work or probably anyone else in the world! While it should have made me feel about this big and made question my role in the scheme of things and left me generally depressed, it didnt. People, or at least I, dream of having a life they can take a break from whenever they feel like one and come back to it and for it be like they never left. Or, because i've been reading about spacetime and would like to show off, primarily to the future me, i dream of being light enough to cause minimal distortion in the spacetime around me. So i can walk off to another part of the universe and not have planets plummet into each other or fly off into space. Today, at a very micro level, was about that.

Onto books now

2009-11-01T11:20:00.004+05:30

The first time i came across Neil Gaiman was at the science fiction section at Landmark. He was sold to me by a 6 footer who wouldn't touch books with a 7 foot pole. Big name in the comic world, he wrote Sandman, don't you know? Huh? I bought it anyway. Anansi Boys. It came with a lot of praise and a Hugo nomination that the author declined, say. I could barely finish it. It was one of those rare books i had to skip the middle to get to the end of.

My next one was American Gods (which Wikipedia now tells me might have been a prequel to Anansi Boys!). Hugo and Nebula award winner. I couldn't read past one fourth of that one. I went around feeling ashamed of myself. I couldn't finish his books. What was wrong with me??

The third one was The Graveyard Book. Hugo again. Lot of praise again. I justified the purchase saying it was a children's book, there is no way i couldnt finish a children's book. I promised the 6 footer that if i didnt make it through this one, i'd mentally classify Gaiman as an author of umm... literary fiction or... magic realism or... yes, good housekeeping, stuff i wouldnt touch with a 7 foot pole. But this one had me at hello.

Its about a little boy called Nobody (Bod) Owens who is bough up in a graveyard. By ghosts. There is a scene early on when Bod is just a baby, living with real, living parents. He has managed to topple off his crib by climbing on his teddy and has waded his way to the head of the stairs.

Stairs that went up were tricky things, and he had not yet entirely mastered them. Stairs that went down however, he had discovered, were fairly simple. He did them sitting down, bumping from step to step on his well-padded bottom.

I read those lines and then i couldnt make myself get back to the book for the rest of the day, i was so excited! How does anyone come up with stuff like that? You'd have to go inside a little one's head to find it, thats the only place where stairs that go up and stairs that go down exist as two different things! Although, I'm not sure children (or young adults as they seem to be called these days) who are the audience for this book will "get it". It might work on them as a joke though. I went back to the book at night and it didnt disappoint. I got so caught up in Bod's wanderings around the graveyard, i forgot he was the only living kid in a colony full of ghosts. His adventures reminded me how little it takes to keep you entertained as a kid. I loved how it is okay to invent a concept like "Freedom of the graveyard" without defining it exactly, because kids are used to things they dont entirely understand. I loved that Bod had Silas, an adult who is his filter to the world, who helps things make sense, who keeps out the bad stuff, while preparing him for the day he will have to walk out into it. And like a reviewer says on the book, i cant wait to see what happens next. I hope there is more!

About TV, mostly

2009-10-25T21:02:00.005+05:30

(She gets back to blogging after months and all she has to write about is Television. Talk about living vicariously.)

I havent seen any Star Trek other than the latest movie (and that too for apna Spok), but this had me nodding along. Science fiction is supposed to be about how a different plant, different technology, different species makes for different societies with different rules. Having a story and making technology fill in the blanks is just doing it backwards. And i went around being shocked at this obvious-once-pointed-out deception and how people stood for being thus strung along until bhai made me see that is is exactly what all the medical series that i so love to watch do! Tech the tech. House, Grey's Anatomy, all of them. House at least its excusable. There House is the hero and the medicine, however clever it may be, is just the background. Its about how twisted House is and how it affects everything and everyone around him. And they dont wing that, they dont tech House just to neatly tie up an episode. However, now that he is becoming less twisted, i wonder if there is any justification to keep watching. Grey's Anatomy is supposed to be about how medicine and working is a hospital shapes people, makes them who they will turn out to be. And they set out all the drama and totally wing the medicine part.

Does all that analysis and resulting realization mean that i'm going to stop watching? Heh. I'll just be a little more ashamed doing so, but shame i've made my peace with a while ago.

Let me now tell you about an ant and a grasshopper. It takes its time but winds its way back to TV, i promise. So, I am the ant. Not so much the hardworking bit but the hoarding stuff for cold winter days bit. And Bhai, he is the grasshopper. All about instant consumption, living as if the future will never come. And you know what? It never does! Never does he go around starved of TV stuff to watch. Never have i been able to gloat about my hoard of serials to be watched while he is getting bored out of his wits. Have they gone and gotten rid of winter and not told me about it so i keep hoarding like an ass? Does the entertainment sun really shine all the time?

This is me trying to be back

2009-10-25T22:20:00.000+05:30

Why has this become so difficult? Small things that i could easily pull into respectable (at least in my eyes) posts now just refuse to grow up. Some of them flirt with moving out to twitter but finally just give it up and settle down in their pyjamas on the overstuffed sofa that is my head. Which is the perfect place to just be, really. No one there is going to tell you to stand on your own two feet, go out in the world and make a place for yourself. Me being a firm believer in not telling others to do what i dont myself do.

And with that post, content over having won a small victory over lethargy and indifference and apathy, she will forget that there is a war.

This weekend I

2009-09-13T22:19:00.003+05:30

1. Said no to a trip. Again.

2. Trawled the Science Fiction and Fantasy sites on the net for stuff i can/want/should be reading. Now the proud owner of a 3 page list of potentials.

3. Went to the Landmark sale. 3 pages - 4 lines to go.

4. Took photograph of a rat that decided to help itself to food off my mom's plate while she was on the phone. Then took photos of its heroic capture and undignified disposal involving a rubbish pan, the cover of a CD stand and two very brave men.

5. Felt warm due to faraway people. And my 3 page list.

Really? You can see the clothes??

2009-09-11T16:15:00.001+05:30

I didnt "get" Kaminey. Not the brilliance. Not the cleverness. Not even when they were pointed out to me. The small things did not add up to something majestic, they just remained small. I'm still not sure why he made the movie.
I shouldnt care but it sort of pisses me off that i seem to be the only one.

The one thing i did get is the song.

Aah. now that i've said that, you can begin to shoot me.

I might have been in love before, but this time its real

2009-09-03T18:38:00.003+05:30

Of course its a TV show. Studio 60 on the sunset strip. Has only one season, all of it on youtube. The gigantic idiots at the network that produced show took it off air after the first season because, well, because they are gigantic idiots. (I need to learn stronger words to express my disapproval, i do.) Its so awesome, i cant tell you but let me try anyway. Its got Mathew Perry, and much as i love friends, Matt, the character he plays on this show, is what i will think of him as from now on. Okay, maybe half Matt half Chandler, its that good. But, he is not the best thing about the show (Danny Tripp is). The best part is the writing. Its clever, its funny, it... sparkles. I can see how terrible i am at doing justice to it, just help me out and watch the pilot, will you?

I looked up the guy creating the show, Aaron Sorkin. And what do you know, it looks like i've been a fan of his writing without even knowing it was his. A few good men and The American President, both movies with dialogs i've loved. Looks like i will have to watch The West Wing after all!

Warning: Based on what I've seen and read, it looks like he likes to create incredibly nice characters who think nothing of staking their careers on their principles in the most perverse of situations. If they did it in real life, they wouldn't have much of an ass left after life was done kicking it. If such (seeming and probably) naive behaviour bothers you, try to forget that it does while you watch the show.

To give you a sample of how much i love it, here is a scene from episode 14. Danny and this one person (in the most cliched of romantic comedy tricks) are locked up on the roof. They've been trying to get out but cant until the episode is over. They wonder (being big shots) how come no one has missed them. Towards the end, this guy Cal comes up on the roof to switch something on and finds them here.

Cal: J, Danny you guys are here!
J: Yeah
Cal: We've been looking for you
Danny: Yeah?
Cal: (a tad defensively): Yeah!
Danny: Where?

Totally unfunny on paper right? I've seen that clip 300 times and each time I've laughed at Danny's belligerent Where.

So if you ask me, what did Bhai get you from Germany, I will not show you the pink miniature skateboard with wheels key chain that he mooched off someone who got it for free with something and then i mooched off him, i will not show you the 300 black shirts he got for himself and then tried to push on me insisting that they were my size, i will say he got me Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Be kind. Do not rewind.

2009-08-26T11:29:00.001+05:30

You think you are over it. Its all locked safely in the past,. No, not locked. It used to be locked when the past was too close to the present to be left unguarded. But now, with time and the distance that comes with time, the lock has become redundant. You rarely venture there and even if you do, the layers of dust make the memories sufficiently hazy to not mean much. It surprises you sometimes, you understand what people mean when they say life goes on.

All it takes is one silly photograph on someone's Orkut album for the floodgates to open. You are not even in the damn photo, but you are there.

And the funny part is, i knew this would happen. I'd be walking the hostel corridors, on my way to my room and i'd grin about the fact that someday i will look back at this totally unremarkable moment with more longing than it deserves. Turns out i am as wise as i think i am.

Jokes

2009-07-14T22:58:00.002+05:30

To really get this, you have to:

1. Know something about Chennai
2. Have heard of Carnatic music
3. Be familiar with the music scene down south
4. Have read the HitchHikers Guide to the galaxy
5. Be acquainted with Wolfram Alpha
6. Be familiar with Tamil movies
7. Have grown up among/around Tamil people
8. Be a computer science graduate (probably not necessary, but i am not aware of any other career paths that go through the Turing Test)

The pseudo Tamilian than i am, i'm sure there are a lot of references there that i have missed. But i absolutely love it that i "get" a joke that not too many people on this planet will get. It makes me feel special. (More special, actually, than i would feel if i had "made" the joke.) Like there is a secret club i belong to and its a private joke we share. Which is why i love xkcd so much. Though i'm surrounded for the most part of the day by people who "get" it, and probably get it better than i do, it still makes me feel like i belong.

New phone resolutions

2009-07-07T22:14:00.005+05:30

Once upon a time there lived a girl. She had a phone, not that she didnt, but it was ancient and pulling on on life support. She'd decided to do the kind thing by pulling the plug, but couldnt actually do so until she had a replacement. So she looked high and she looked low and she asked around and she got utterly confused. She was fuzzy on the requirements, she was fuzzy on the budget, she was fuzzy on why she needed a phone at all! (Dont tell anyone, but her STD bill for the last month was 10 rupees.) Then one day she saw an ad in the newspaper for a phone that looked decent (that was important to her, who woulda thunk), matched some set of requirements and budget, and her brother did not threaten her with - its either me or the phone. So one fine Sunday she went and bought it.

That night, the God of mobile phones, in an attempt to regain territory from the God of equipments bought in a fit of passion that then spend all of their shelf life in a box on a shelf came in her dream and gave her one tablet with 5 commandments.

1. Thou shalt carry thy phone. Everywhere.
So she does. Everywhere. And when she forgets, she crosses floors without a thought to go get it.

2. Thou shalt not miss calls.
She doesnt. She simply cuts them off. And then follows commandment 3.

3. Thou shalt call people up.
She does. Even though she knows people are likely to fall off their chairs in surprise and break their legs if she calls them up just like that. She believes they will agree it was worth it. After all, as she knows from personal experience, breaking a leg is not as bad as it is made out to be. She can see herself running out of people though. (Damn you you yes yay and you kay and germany. Gimme my people back!)

4. Thou shalt charge thy phone
She does. Religiously.

5. Thou shalt know thy phone
She is getting there. Already she can set the alarm and play the radio (which she still thinks is the coolest part of the whole thing) and take pictures and use the dictionary without throwing the phone at the wall in frustration. She next plans to tackle the bluetooth monster.

Its been three days and so far, the God of mobile phones has no cause to complain.

Notes to the future me

2009-06-30T21:51:00.002+05:30

Ideally, i'd like to yell this so the whole world can hear. Or at least, my world. Since that isnt happening, i'll yell it on my blog.

<begin imagining caps>
You can either get things done or do them your way. Wanting to get things done your way is just plain greedy. If i believed in a universe that was interested in you and interested in being fair, i'd tell you that it'd give you one under the ear. (I know i ruined kaan ke neeche, but nothing in English comes close.)
<end imagining caps>

Me, right now i'm in that in between place where i neither do things nor get them done. I know its not going to last, so when it over and i have to pick one or the other, can you please shove this post in my face?

I'm back. Yes. Again.

2009-06-25T21:46:00.006+05:30

First i decided to write. Then i decided not to. And then, i decided to write about not writing. (Now you know, a decision for me, most of the times, is the thought that is topmost in my head at that point.) But then i decided that would be like coming out of a long comfortable silence that no one minded, to announce the arrival of more silence. And now, apparently, i have decided to write.

So, the silence. Work, sure. Long days, weekends. And thanks to my once broken leg, i have been granted the super-harmful superpower of being able to work from home. All of which boiled down to the citi never sleeping. But, it was sort of fun. After a long long time, i got to code off the seat off my pants. No ten people looking over the design before you get to put one semi-colon. Which of course meant that i had to do the damn thing ten times over. But it was fun. Yes. I'm telling you.

Plus, busy days are easy days. When ghosts from your past come visiting, you can send them back there with one look. Not now, mummy is busy and they go away quietly, no questions asked. Not that you are ever short of excuses, but none is as easy as this.

My back started its 6 monthly (since i can never be sure if bi-annually means twice a year or once in two years) ritual of giving up. I felt like a pregnant woman all of Monday. Only i wasnt, so i couldnt hold my back and limp around and make huge groaning noises and waddle like a duck every time someone called me to their desk. It is being intensively taken care of right now (40 minutes a day i do nothing but. Who can keep that up??) and is almost back to behaving itself.

On a trip to some other place there happened to be a crossword and i happened to go in and happened to see My Friend Sancho. Bought. Finished. Liked. But dont listen to me. I think i'd decided to like it before i bought it. It is, you know, _real_. And funny. Sustained giggles when the mannequin attacks him and a certain muslim... item. And it helped me shoo away the ghosts that weekend. Very effective.

Okay. Back to some silence now. Hopefully not very long.

Jaago re!

2009-04-23T21:50:00.003+05:30

Election kitne baje khulta hai appa?

Appa I'll come with you to the booth.

Appa why dont i have an voters card like you do?

Appa i cant find my name :(

Appa you have my passport no?

But the question i'm most proud not having asked this time. Whom are you going to vote for, Appa? We ended up voting for different people, different parties, but probably not very different lives.

I went to the ink dotting lady (the dot i used to dream of as a kid is now a thin long non-descript line) and confidently thrust my thumb to be dotted. I would have died of embaressment but for the following:

1. The guy checking the identity proof stared at my passport for a long time and then hesitantly asked - Madam, is this your Voter ID Card? I think i can see how he got there. Everyone gives me a Voter ID card. This one seems to have given me a book. Why would she give me a book? She doesnt look particularly mad. Plus, it does have a photo. Maybe the EC now gives a booklet full of Voter ID cards? One page per election? Yeah. I better ask.

2. The boss sitting at a faraway chair heard passport and yelled back - Dont accept her passport as identity proof unless it has a photograph!

Live bloging

2009-04-18T22:41:00.002+05:30

At this point, i have no idea what this post is going to be about. But i've been silent for too long. My blog cannot dry up and die a neglected death. If i go, i'll go with a bang. A pop, at the very least.

Okay, enough melodrama. Aah, i think i got it now! I'll make this one about culture. No wait. That can be a post of its own, if i ever get around to feeling less lazy. IPL is on. I wish i could make up my mind once and for all whether or not i am interested in cricket. No, i didnt suffer from the great disillusion that most people who loved the game in simpler times seem to have done. I still get excited at the prospect of a match. I follow scores on cricinfo especially if people around are doing so. I read newspaper reports about it with interest. But i cant remember the last time i actually sat through a match. Not even the 2 minutes noodles 20-20 version.

Change. What do you do when call x up starts to appear on your do-to list? Heck, even returning missed calls means having to overcome too much of resistance. You throw your phone away! Good idea no? Really, i dont know why i bother with the thing anyway. I get like one call a month. There is a virus or something that drains the battery so i have to charge it everyday. Everyday. Whether i use it or not. On a good day, my phone lies on my desk all day. Most days its locked in my drawer with my dabba. If i were kinder i'd put it out of its misery. How can my phone have a life if i dont?

Change. Last one, really. Its true what they say. As you grow older, its more and more difficult to change. And not just because you've got used to a way of life. But more because you think you know best. At least for yourself. You think you have earned the right to live your way. Everyone around you should kindly adjust.

Change. Okay fine. I cheated. Kya ukhaad loge? Standing behind you like a rock, promising love and support for life, whatever road you happened to take. Or standing in your way, yelling over my dead body if they think they see you going on the wrong road. Is there nothing in between?

Its DONE!

2009-03-30T21:36:00.004+05:30

I did it! Seven whole days of eating according to syllabus!! GM diet shall now proudly head the extra curricular activities section of my resume. A few years ago, i would have been super impressed with myself, not to mention super ashamed. Today, after a little gloat, i'll take it in my stride.

Day 1: Only fruits. Bad. At the end of the day, i was willing idlis to turn into fruits.
(People offered me pastries. They promised not to tell anyone, even.)

Day 2: Only vegetables. Worse. Worst, actually. Low on energy. Head ached, tooth followed. I dreamed of fruits.
(Someone got chocolates to work. People made sure i saw them eat.)

Day 3: Fruits and vegetables. Awesome! Woke up fresh. Felt great all day. Except for disconcertingly pleasing images of bakasur finishing off truckloads of food and breaking open watermelons for dessert.
(People offered me cream biscuits.)

Day 4: Milk and bananas. And wonder soup. The soup saved my day. Wasnt as bad as i'd convinced myself it would be.
(It was gudi padwa and people had modak and srikhand and basundi Waaaaaanh. I'm not exactly sure what basundi is, but it made me cry.)

Day 5: Tomatoes. LOTS. And brown rice and palak and rajma. Normal

Day 6: Vegetables. Brown rice. Sprouts. Tofu. Normal.

Day 7: Vegetables. Fruits. Brown rice. Sprouts. THE END!

I havent seen the results yet but i dont feel particularly light or fresh or super intelligent. Rather anti-climatic it is, at least after the first 4 days. But if the results are good, its a nice short cut to have!

For want of a purpose

2009-03-23T21:32:00.003+05:30

Who has Monday blues on a Monday evening?
I rock at feeling sorry for myself. I doubt if anyone does it better.
Ooh, i could watch that movie until its time to sleep.
Call him about that cake.
Call her.
Please? Its a good movie.
At least download the songs she was kind enough to send you.
Not even if it is the only thing that'll get me out of this bed? I suppose not.
Reply or she'll think you died.
I should go on that diet!

And that is how, from tomorrow, i go on the GM diet. The whole world has done it and survived, so i should not be so scared. But i am. Which is why the declaration. Kick me if i default.

What if...

2009-03-08T19:19:00.002+05:30

(Something i wrote a while ago. At that time i thought it needed polishing. Now i dont see why. Plus its Sunday. How can i not post on a Sunday?)

Imagine a time far far far away. Ahead. Imagine we have survived our own stupidity, imagine the sun did not turn into a red giant, imagine we, or whatever it is we have evolved into, still live on. There is some kind of society, and it engages most people in matters of survival. Let us imagine that that fulfills them, gives them a sense of purpose in life. Imagine that we humans have learnt a lot more about life and the universe but we havent learnt everything. There is still a lot of unknown that beckons.

Now we come to the problem. To go beyond where your forefathers have already gone, you have to get there first. However, the knowledge accumulated over the years is so much that one lifetime is not enough to take it all in. So while the journey is not over, no one lives long enough to get to the starting point.

The question is, will this frustrate just the academic minority or will it affect society as a whole? How much does the majority care about progress, unless it directly makes their life easier? And even then they find something else to complain about. Lack of scientific/philosophical/artistic progress should practically speaking not affect their lives at all. Survival is a full time and extremely fulfilling job for most. How important then is the illusion that we as a species are getting closer to the answers? Even if I as an individual am doing nothing to directly contribute to our getting there, and moving one step closer is in no way going to affect/improve my life. Will academia simply be abolished and everyone concentrate on survival/entertainment? Or will the feeling of purposelessness overwhelm society to such an extent that people would decide to destroy everything and start over, just to have somewhere to get to?

If it came to picking sides, which side would be your good side?